"I felt the spirit and I knew this was true, and I went back to church. It was like putting a glove on, an old good fittin' glove that just feels so good. I remember the very first time I went back to church in a decade - I went by myself - I didn't go with my wife. And they sang my mother's favorite hymn and my deceased brother Blake's favorite song. His was the first song and my mom's was the sacrament hymn, and I just sobbed through that whole meeting. I don't remember a word anyone said, not a word. I just remember those two hymns, they were beautiful, and I felt that spirit come over me. It was so powerful and I got up after that meeting and walked up to the bishop and said 'Hi my name is Matt Arvidson and I need to get my life in order.'" - Matt
Transcript
Ashly Stone
00:00
Okay. So Matt, Lauren has told me, she, I, from the beginning, when I started this podcast, she's been saying, “Oh, you've got to have my uncle on. He's so awesome.” And so I'm really excited to hear your story. So yeah, if you want to just kind of start at the beginning, I'd love to hear about what your, I mean what your child, what first exposure to the church was, you know, if you had a testimony at a young age, what it looked like, kind of straying away, and then the miracles that you experienced in coming back.
Matt
00:41
Okay, I have very fond memories of my childhood, I was really, really blessed. Three older brothers, one little brother. My mother and father had five sons. I have no sisters. I have three sons, myself, no daughters. I remember growing up as a little boy, in the mountains of Idaho, and I just had an idyllic childhood. I was my father's partner. And he’d say, “Come on, partner, let's go.” And I remember, I have memories. Really, really clear, vivid memories of things that happened to me when I was between two and three years old, with my dad, lots of lots of them. And I guess by the time my father had son number four, he had gotten parenting down to an art. Because I think about my own experience with my eldest son and my second son and my third son, and if you're having children, we do get better at it. Parenting is not you know, when they when that first one comes. Oh, man, I remember calling my mom and said, “Mom, I have screwed up my oldest son so bad.” And my mom said, “Oh, son, don't worry about it. We all do. They don't come with an instruction manual.” You know, we laughed about that. And she said to me, she says, “Matthew, you guys”, she says “I can just see you guys in the preexistence doing rock, paper, scissors. And you lost. You had to be dad.” And I think about that, and it makes it a little easier. God bless my mom. Barbara’s, what a wonderful woman. I don't know how she put up with all of us. It was not easy. You know, being the only woman in a house full of men. So let's go back when I was little. My first memories of church. I remember. Let's see, back in those days. I think you could go to Sunday school when you were three, after your third birthday. Your parents could take you to Sunday school. I remember my first day in Sunday school at age three. I remember it. I remember being so excited. And I remember them singing the song to this day they were singing, “Give said the little stream, give oh, give…” I don't know if you remember that one?
Ashly Stone
03:08
Oh, yeah, I remember that one.
Matt
03:10
But anyway. You know, so when I think of the gospel, I'm sure, you know, they say you can't, you can’t stand on your father's testimony and your mother's testimony forever. And that's true. Every person that is born into the church, at some point needs to develop their own testimony. But I must admit as a little boy, I was very happy. I went to church every Sunday. Never had a problem with any of that. ‘Til I was a teenager, and I met Tom and Tom was Catholic. One of the few in Soda Springs Idaho, which is an LDS community. And Tom got his driver's license a year before me and in Idaho you get them at 14.
Ashly Stone
Wow.
Matt
I've been driving. I've been a licensed driver since I was 14 years old. And so was Tom and Tom was a year older than me. So at 13 in that summer, his dad had bought him this old Plymouth Fury. And we were driving all over Caribou County and we’d take our bow and arrows and our 22s, and we just go. And I was too young to be working yet. And you know, Tom wasn’t LDS and we became best of friends. And by the time I was I think between my freshman and sophomore year that summer, I started getting invited to drinking parties where there was alcohol and so at an early age at like 14 I had my first drink and it wasn't a big deal one way or the other. You know what I mean? Mostly I did it to fit in. I don't even remember getting a buzz or anything. I just remember doing it to fit in. And that went on for a while in high school and I could kind of take it or leave it. But I, you know, we did some partying on the weekends. And I guess I was maybe a weekend warrior for a while, but it wasn't that big of a deal. I do remember going to BYU my freshman year. I was class president, the student body president, and I got a scholarship to BYU. And it was just for that one semester, I had free tuition or whatever it was. Anyway, I went to BYU. I did pretty well. I got most of the classes that I wanted. I was studying political science. And all went well. At the end of that first semester at BYU I came home and my buddies were going to a movie. It had just come out in the theaters. And it was by some new director by the name of Steven Spielberg. You know, nobody knew who he was at the time. But this movie was supposed to be doing pretty good. It was Close Encounters of the Third Kind. Now, we had to drive 60 miles to go to a theater because we didn’t have one in my hometown it was so small. There was one, but it was just so dilapidated it was closed. So anyway, we're driving to Pocatello and one of my buddies pulls out of his pocket a hit of acid.
Ashly Stone
Whoa!
Matt
More way yet. Everybody in the car took a hit. And I said, “No, thanks, guys.” I said, “No, thank you. I says, I mean, “I’ll drink a beer once in a while, but not taking any acid.” So we're driving up to Pocatello to this movie, you know, it's an hour drive. And about 30 minutes into it these guys are just laughing. They're just out of their minds. And I'm sitting in the backseat with Rick and I'm just looking at him. Finally, I said, “Give me that last tap.” And I took a hit. And all I can remember is at the end of that movie, when that spaceship lifts off, I was on it. And that being said, my buddies by four in the morning didn't know what to do with me. So they took me home and kicked me out of the car and dropped me off and they left. I remember I was at the time I was sleeping in the basement. I had a bedroom down in the basement and I walked in. And I don't know if you ever heard of an aura if you got your if you're napping or maybe not quite asleep, you're laying on the couch and someone gets really close to you. You can like feel them and it'll wake you up. You'll open your eyes without making a sound, right? Okay. My aura was so intense when I walked in that house and next thing I knew everyone in the house my mom, my dad, my brothers were down standing in the semicircle look at it. And the next thing I know, seven days later I come to and bang Memorial Psychiatric Hospital. Seven Days Gone. Now, this was Christmas vacation for BYU. When I came to, I came to rather quickly I was just back. I just lost those days. They were gone forever. Just gone. And no recollection. And after another day or so they let me out and I went back to BYU and I was a week behind. And I hit it that week and I hit it hard. I went to all my professors. I remember I had an outdoor rec class, we were skiing. You know, I had a rec class where I was skiing up at Sundance. And I remember there was this other freshman girl and she was, “Matt! Where were you last week?” I said, “Oh, I took a hit acid and I was in the psychiatric hospital.” And she goes, “Oh, you're so funny.” And so I go to church that Sunday. I'm all caught up in class. I go to church that Sunday and I have a reoccurrence of the acid trip in church. I have no recollection of the next week or so. My father came down with my brother with him in a grain truck loaded all of my material belongings at school. My brother Shane drove my car back. I lost the next four months of my life. Gone. From one hit of acid. So, the way back was tough, that next four months. And what it did, when you're 18 years old, and you're just finding your way, you're just becoming in your own man. I mean, you're barely you just walked out of high school went away your first semester to college and something like this happens. It was like being eviscerated. It was like just being gutted like a fish. And my drinking changed. I started drinking with a vengeance. Because I just, I wanted to block it out. I mean, unfortunately, I made the front page of the Caribou County Times. My home paper I made the front page. They said I took a PCP, a horse tranquilizer. You know, apparently, I didn't read the article, but I heard about it. But I remember are seeing the first counselor in my bishopric in the supermarket. I mean, this was months later after I can finally get out and function and drive again, start looking for a job. And I remember seeing him and I go to wave, and he turned and walked away. They just people didn't know how, you gotta remember this is 1970. See, it would have been, 77, 1977. And people just didn't know how to react to this sort of thing, let alone in an LDS community. And, you know, so like I said, my, my drinking changed, and, I started I became a daily drinker. At 18. And it wasn't long after that I left home. And I, my father taught me how to work construction as a as a young man. And I just started over, the next, I don't know, ten, eleven years, I was a licensed driver. And I think five states I got three DUIs. I abandoned my family. My mother would, my mother would go months at a time without hearing from me. I'd call her on her birthday, Mother's Day, and that's it. Same with my dad, I'd call him on his birthday and Father's Day. My brothers, I hardly talked to at all. And for the next 11 years, man, I just drank. And tryin’ to think, I guess, I just got sick and tired of being sick and tired. By this time, it's 1989. I'm living in California. And I remember, my brother had died. See, my brother Blake died when he was 24. So, I was 20. I'd gone back to work in the mines in Idaho for a couple of years. But I, you know, like I said, I didn't, I didn't spend any time with my family. Whether it's an open pit phosphate mine in Idaho, it's the phosphate capital of the world. So I was working in the mines. But I just, I like I said, I abandoned my family. But it was after, let's see, I'm getting a little sidetracked here. You know, it's kind of hard to put all these pieces together when I think about a timeline, because it gets really fuzzy when you’re drinking like that. So let's just go back to California when it's time to get sober and
Ashly Stone
12:32
Well, how old were you at this time, when you're in California?
Matt
I was 29. so, I started drinking alcohol daily, literally daily after that acid hit. I started drinking on a daily basis from 19. And I got sober right before my 30th birthday. So I was actually, actually 18. I was 18 when I took the acid, it's over, 18 to almost 30 I drank alcohol for 11 years straight. I mean straight. And I rarely missed a day. Very rarely missed a day that I drank. And in the end, I, I couldn't even hold down a job. You know, and I was a sheet rocker. I was a union sheet rocker. And we're like, kind of low on the totem pole. You know, and even then, you know, when I was sober, I was a good hand. But I, it was getting hard to get to work, you know, it was getting really hard to get to work. And I remember just kneeling down. Oh, that's right. My brother had passed away. That's where, that's where I got this business about going back to when I was still living in Idaho. When I was about 20, my brother Blake got killed in a motorcycle accident. He was the best of us. He really was. Of all my father's sons. Blake was the best of us. And I just couldn't figure that out, you know, and that contributed to my, you know, just trusting God, I just, I was pissed. I was angry with God, you know, because Blake had kind of been part of my lifeline when I was trying to regain my sanity. He never passed judgment on me. He just loved me. He was really good about that. He could just love me and never pass any judgment and, and God bless him for that. But when he died, I quit praying. I never said, I was, never had one of those foxhole prayers, nothing. I just quit praying, quit talking to God really for, you know, from 20 to 30 for at least a decade. And then finally, you know, in the spring of 89. I knelt down and I said the first prayer I'd said since Blake’s death. And all I said was, “God, you cheated.” I'd had a seminary teacher who told me God will never put more on your plate in one day than you can hear. And that day, that was my prayer. That's all I said. That was the whole prayer. I got on my knees. I said “God you cheated. Bob Craner said you'd never do this to me. Never put more on my plate in one day than I can handle it, I just can't do this anymore.” And I lay down and my intent was to die. In all honesty. And I thought I could. I had watched, I'd watch this silly show. I'm trying to remember. Christopher Reeves was in it, and he goes back in time, Somewhere In Time? Maybe that was it. Anyway, he had fallen in love. And he had taken a penny with him from, you know, the 1970s, or whatever it was, and went back in time and pulled that out of his pocket saw it, and went back to his time and lost the love of his life. And he laid down and he died. And he was reunited with his love, in the hereafter. Anyway, seeing that movie, I thought I could do that. I had lost the will to live and I was gonna lay down and die. And, you know, I look back at that. And I kind of wonder, I wonder, you know, I wonder if people in heaven can hear our prayers. You know, I kind of think that sometimes they can. And I wonder if anybody was listening. Send in, here's a, here's a young man that kneels down and says, God, you cheated. You broke the rules. And I wondered if there was like, I wonder what he's going to do about this. You know, and so what happened was a moment later, after I'm laying there on my bed to die with the door locked. And you know, at this point in my life, I could have been dead for six months, and nobody would have been looking, it would have been the smell of my decaying body that eventually would have drove someone into my home to find me. No one was, my phone wasn't ringing. You know, my family, most time didn't know where I was at. I didn't have any friends by now. I drank alone. And, and I just figured that's the way it was going to end. And as I'm laying there on my back, a feeling came over me. And I think back on it, and it's almost, you know, I didn't hear, see, but I felt. It felt like the, the finger of divinity reached down and touched me right in the middle of my breast. And a feeling came over me that was unbelievable. All the anger, the resentment, the pain, the hurt, the hate of a lifetime, was washed away. Was just washed away in a moment. And I think in that moment, there's a line, there is a line in the big book of Alcoholics Anonymous, it's on page 59. And it talks about how one of the members of AA had a similar experience. And he writes about it in the book. And he says that he had stepped from shore and was in for the first time in his life, conscious communion with his creator. And the reason I know that is because after it happened, it just washed over my whole body. And I'm laying there and I'm saying to myself, “did that really happen?”. And as I'm laying there, all of a sudden, there's just this, this feeling just drives me out of my seat, and I might not my seat, but my bed and I get up out of my bed, and I have no idea what I'm looking for. And I go into the bedroom next to me, which is vacant at the time. I don't think I had any roommates at the house. And I reached up in the top of this closet, and I pulled down a box. And I didn't even know what I was looking for. And the top book on that box was the big book of Alcoholics Anonymous. And I, I picked it up, you know, I mean, I just felt impressed and I picked it up and the book opened. And I just, started, I remember lean and I didn't even sit down, I leaned into the doorway with my shoulder. And it opened up to Chapter Four where We Agnostics and I started reading. And I was blown away. I was on every page. I'm looking around me like, has somebody been following me and writing a book about my life. And at the very next the last page of We Agnostics is this experience, this unique, powerful spiritual experience that had just happened to me, happened to another member of AA. As it turned out, it was Bill Wilson. Had had the same experience. And as I read it, I knew that what had happened, you know, to him happened to me. I flipped that book open. I went into my bedroom, and I sat down and I read the first five chapters of the text the first time I ever opened the book. Now I'd gotten that book of my third DUI out in Texas. That particular one the judge had released me only because his jails were full. He had said, convicted me of, in Texas, it was my first DUI in Texas, it was a misdemeanor. The maximum was two years in prison and $1,000 fine, and that's what he gave me. Was two years and $1,000 fine. But the jails were full. So He says, “I'll see you next Friday. Bring your toothbrush.” On Tuesday I was sitting on a beach in San Diego. On Wednesday as at the RMV, I turned in my Texas driver's license, I got a California driver's license, and it was forget you Texas. And that's the way I dealt with things in those days. Well, anyway, now here I am. And that very next day, I walked into my first meeting of Alcoholics Anonymous. That was in the spring of 1989. It has not been necessary for me to take a drink or a drug since. Now, that's a long story about the gospel of Jesus Christ, right? Which I haven’t mentioned yet. So what happened is, you go through these 12 steps in AA, and part of that, you know, is this process where you have to make amends and, and you go back through your past? And, and I'm wondering, I'm talking to my sponsor, “What am I going to do with this LDS church thing?” But you know, and you got to remember, I hadn't been to church in like, 10 or 11 years, but it's a part of my past. And I don't know what to do. And my sponsor says, “Well, I don't know either so I'm going to talk to my sponsor.” So we call that my grand sponsor. And he had sponsored Jesuit priests, Catholic priests, Jews, I mean, the list goes on and on. You have a lot of experience with man with religion and how to handle that when you get sober. So I sit down with my grand sponsor, and he told me, “Matt,” he says, “Do me a favor. Work this program first for five years. Take your LDS church and put it on the back burner.” He says, “Because if you don't stay sober, what difference does it make? Because if you pick up a drink again, there's a very good chance you're going to drink yourself to death.” Because we see that in AA, sadly. Our recovery rate is not very high. You may hear otherwise. But after 33 years in the rooms, I know the real, the reality is not very many of us. I'm very fortunate. Very fortunate. And so for whatever reason, I listened to him. And in my sixth year, my then wife had a Tupperware salesperson that she was crazy about. And it turns out this gal was LDS. And my wife is Catholic. And so she tells me, “You know, I'm gonna go over to my Tupperware area director” or whatever she was, “and they're gonna be doing some sort of church meeting.” I'm gonna go, “Yeah, yeah, whatever, go do your thing.” Right? So she comes back a few weeks later, and she says to me, “You know, I'm gonna get baptized this Saturday, do you want to go?” I says, “Baptized what?” she says “In the LDS church.” I about swallow my tongue. I said, “What?” She'd been taking the discussions. I didn't even know. I didn't even know she was taking the discussions. And she did. She got baptized. So I started, I had a home teacher that was diligent. His name was John Zodermans. And he was a diligent home teacher. And I wasn't ready. But once my wife, God bless her, got baptized, we both started going back to church, and I was about six years sober at the time. And I thought,” What the heck.” And so I picked up the Book of Mormon. And I started reading it from, you know, “I Nephi having been born of goodly parents”, right to the very end. I read all the way through. And when I got to, I think it was it was probably, and I'm sure it was, in Ether where Mahonri Moriancumer, the brother of Jared, does his business with you know, the stones, “God, if you'll just touch the stones,” you know, to light the vessel as they crossed, you know, the ocean. I just, you know. The Spirit came over me again. You know, not like that first time, but again, I felt the spirit and I knew this is true. And I went back to church, and I was like, putting a glove on. Old good fittin’ glove that just feels so good. And I remember my very first time back at church a decade, I went by myself. I didn't go with my wife. And they sang my mother's favorite hymn and my deceased brother's Blake, his was the first song and my mom's was the sacrament hymn and I just saw that whole meeting. And I don't remember a word anybody said, not a word. But I remember those two hymns just, they were beautiful. And I felt that spirit come over me. It was so powerful. I got up after the meeting, walked up to the bishop and said, “Hi, my name is Matt Robinson and I need to get my life in order.” One of the things I had to do, is, I had that prison sentence over my head out in Texas. Remember that Judge dropped the gavel, sentenced me to two years. Now my first 10 years of sobriety, I paid everybody. I took care of everything. I paid all the bad debts I owed I, I made amends, I had $35,000 worth of bad debt, even the student loan fund of Idaho got their money. Everybody. I had $2,200 worth of parking tickets in San Diego County when I got sober. I'd been living there for two years. Every time I get one on I’d throw it in my glove box in my truck. And by the time I got sober, I still had them all. I had a stack this tall of parking tickets. Every Friday I’d pay one. Well, anyway, that went on for the first decade. I was sober. And I, and I ended up buying my first home out here in Massachusetts. And on my credit, you know, and anyway, all that being said, I still had this one. Because this judge, we contacted this judge out in Texas, and his name was Les. He has since deceased. But he says, “If that SOB ever comes back to Texas, he's going to, he's going to do is two years and then some. And so my sponsor told me, “Well, we'll just put that on the back burner. Let's do the rest.” So we did the rest of my amends. And I remember trying to get my, my temple recommend. By now I'm, I think it's maybe about, I'm gonna say I'm 40 years old by now. I've been sober about 10 years. And I think it was president was President Cox, State President Cox talks to me, and he says, “You know, Matthew,” he says, “The Lord's pretty funny. He just doesn't like fugitives from justice and his Holy of Holies.” And so it really wasn't AA that made me go back and take care of that mess in Texas. It was, I wanted a temple recommend. Stake President said no. So that started and that process went on for another nine more years. I was 19 years sober, when that was finally taken care of. And it was a long process. And I ended up, what my, because the judge had dropped the gavel, I went through like three different attorneys. And I finally found one who, who got the job done. And one of the problems was because the judge had dropped the gavel, I had already been sentenced. And so the talk between him and the DA had been, “You got to do the time.” And so what they told us is, they said,” All right, well, right now, the jails, the prisons in Texas are so overfilled that they're counting every day you serve their account in a week.” So for two years, it was roughly four months, I'd have to do. So we took out a second mortgage, me and my wife. We put enough money aside for her to pay the bills while I was locked up for four months. And I told my attorney, I says, ‘Alright, let's do it. Pick the day. Come pick the day, I'll do the time.” My only hope was, I've been to the joint before and my fear was I just didn't want to kill anybody while I was there and ended up doing life. You know? I used to think I was pretty bad. I'm not. I'm an old man now. Not so much anymore. Now when I was young I used to hang sheetrock and I was, I was pretty mean. I used to be a fighter man, I got my nose broken. I got three false teeth. My shoulders separated, my hand busted all brawn when I was in my 20s. The only problem was, is when you get really drunk, you get your current job as drunk and I lost my eye hand coordination and they just beat the snot out of me. I don't think I won a fight in all these years. Anyway, all that being said, I remember we were on our way to a vacation up into Maine, and I get a phone call from Mr. Watson was his name, my attorney. He says, “Is it done?” He says, “It's done.” I said, “What do you mean, ‘It’s done’?” He says, “You're a free man.” says, “You don't have to do your time. It's over.” I says, “How's that possible?” He says, “Don't worry about it. It's just done. You're free.” And I said, “How much do I owe?” He says, “Nothing.” I said, “That,” I said, “all I gave you, $1,500, for a retainer.” I says “you've got who knows how many hours?” he says, “Mr. Robinson,” he says,” the relationship I belt built with the DA here, because of your case, has opened a goldmine. He says, “You've done enough.” And that was it.
Ashly Stone
What a miracle.
Matt
I didn’t serve a day. I didn't serve a day. Has life been all roses? No. No, it hasn't. You know, I've had my problems. My wife divorced me after 20 years of sobriety. Isn't that, you know, I was never laid a hand on her. I never cheated on her, she just got sick of living with me. And I don't think she's been on a date since she divorced me nine years ago. She was just sick of living with me. And what can I say? I can be pretty crazy. Anyway, I don't know, the gospel of Jesus Christ and Alcoholics Anonymous, I've wondered at times, there have been times in my life when I've gone to the Lord and thought, “Should I leave one or the other and just focus on one?” And that hasn't been the case. There seems to have been time for both. For me to serve and sponsor men in AA and serve the Lord. It was hard when my kids were little, let me tell you. I had an 89 mile commute one way to work. I lived on Cape Cod and I worked in Boston; as a union carbon rep in Boston. It was brutal. And I did that for a dozen years. And eventually, in 2015, I fell snow skiing with my son, I shattered my shoulder. I was selling cars for a few years while my shoulder healed up. Then COVID came along. I got laid off from that. And I'm back carpenter. And I've retired from the union, I draw my pension. And I have a pretty good life today. I wouldn't trade it for anything. You know, I don't have a lot of money. You know, I, when my wife and I got a divorce, I gave her the house that I built. And I got my pension and an annuity seemed like it was a fair trade. And, life's pretty good. Life's really good. It really is. It's really good. I just, I don't have any complaints today. I know God loves me. I know that beyond a shadow of a doubt. I know he answers prayers.
Matt
32:10
One of the things I discovered in that moment, when he came to me back in 1989, is I also know he loves every single one of his kids as much as he loves. He's no respecter of persons. Meaning he loves us all equally. And I guess only a God can do that. I know he answers prayers. He answered mine. And he has, I can't tell you how many prayers of mine He’s answered, you know, in a real and a meaningful way for me. You know, there's a lot of struggles in this life, regardless of our testimony and how strong it is. There comes a time in everybody's life when we question and we doubt. And you know what, that's okay. That's okay. One of the real, the hardest parts about this life at times, is living and walking with your shoulders square and your eye to the world with unresolved conflicts. And you know, and a testimony in Jesus Christ gives me that ability to do that; to walk through life with unresolved conflicts. And yet, when times are the hardest, I hang on to the truths that I know are true. And I try not to question the things that I don't understand. I'm a mortal. I am a simple, simple man. I don't have to have all the answers. I don't need all the answers. I know enough. What is it that I do know? God loves me. He answers prayers. I need to repent, baptize, be baptized, and receive the Holy Ghost. Do I really need to know more than that? Not really, really, that’s salvation at its simplest form, and then do what? Share this simple message with others that I meet. And you know what? Somewhere along the line, maybe around 25 between 25 and 30 years of sobriety. I received the gift that today is my most priceless gift. And it's the gift of charity. All those years before that I served in church, I was the first one there when the elders quorum had to move somebody. I always serve. But you know what? I didn't like it. I would complain and piss and moan about having to serve all the time. I'm too busy. Don't you know how tired I am. That lousy commute. I put in 14 hours a day to earn eight. You know, I was miserable. And, but you know what, I did it. I served. Begrudgingly and I wouldn't get no reward for it. That's the sad part. All those years of service and no reward. But I didn't stop. And I wonder sometimes if you know, Savior and God we're just having a conversation. One of them says to the other, “Let's throw him a bone. Just slip him a little bit of that gift of cheer; just let him have a taste of what it means to love to serve.”. And I'm not quite sure when that happened. But I gotta tell you, that has been the most beautiful addition to my life. You know, since the birth of my sons. It really has. I love to serve today. And that's not me. Let me tell you. That is not part of my character. That is not what I have made of. That is a gift. Charity for me, was a gift. And it took me a long time and a lot of service. I am talking decades of service without loving it. You know? So if you're, if you're wondering, is this ever going to work for you think about some of these things. 19 years, it took me sober, to clean up my last amends. 19 years. 25 years sober before I get to enjoy the gift of charity. Pay your dues. $35,000 of bad debt, Everybody got their money. Pay your dues. Don't look for something for nothing,
Ashly Stone
36:25
It's, it's interesting, because, I had a similar experience where I got sober. And I also had a DUI that I didn't take care of in Arizona. And I was about two years sober at the time. And I was living in California. And I thought it was funny that you mentioned that about ditching town and getting your license in California because I pretty much did the exact same thing.
Matt
Yeah, before a warrant went out for your arrest.
Ashly Stone
Yeah, yep exactly.
Matt
Great minds think alike.
Ashly Stone
And I was in the Relief Society presidency in my singles ward in California and, I was just, you know, doing my thing. And I knew that I had to take care of this thing. And I had to go to Tent City Jail in Arizona with Sheriff Joe Arpaio. And I,
Matt
You did really?
Ashly Stone
I did, yeah. And I...
Matt
37:19
He's got quite, did you have to work on the highway too out…?
Ashly Stone
37:23
I only had to be there for 12 hours in 12 hours out for a week because I had work release. And yeah, but I was, I mean, I was terrified. I was so terrified…. Because I had been to two years sober, I was going back to church, and I was so afraid. And I remember, I'm prepping to go and I read something in my patriarchal blessing that said, a reminder that God works all things to the good of those who love Him. And then later that day, the missionaries came and that was their message, was God works all things to the good of those who love Him. And I'm thinking, okay, obviously, this is a message from God to me. But really like jail? He’ll even work that to the good, seriously? And it, long story short, but my bishop in California, he's like, “I actually have a cousin that lives in Arizona, maybe I'll reach out to them and see if they'll let you stay while you're doing your work release and house arrest and all this stuff.” And so I'm like,” Okay, I guarantee no one's gonna be like volunteering to take me.” But he calls his cousin and they agree. It's this, a husband and wife, they have five little kids and they're like, “Yeah, we'll take this extra gadget girl, who has to do jail time, to stay with us.” And it truly has, like it was turned into the most incredible thing because they're still such a huge part of my life. They're some of my best friends in the whole world. And they just, it was an incredible experience for all of us. And the, the dad his name's David he would drive me down to the jail in Phoenix and drop me off for my, for my night stay there. And it was just it's really interesting how God works all things to the good and I see that in your story. I see that with how you know you are tested like, “Oh my gosh, I have to go to jail for at least four months.” I mean, first you're looking at two years and then you're looking at four months and then it's like God provided a way for you to see a miracle and something that was so scary with your attorney and he's like, “It's taken care of. You don't have to pay me.” It's, it's like a gift in response to you know, all these things you've gone through and it was just like a gift and I love that story so much. So…. Yeah,
Matt
39:52
Thank you. You know, I the one thing I would like to point out to people who are trying to get sober if you happen to hear this story is the willingness. My wife and I were willing to do whatever we had to do in order for me to get a temple recommend. Whatever it was. We were willing to do it. God just wanted to make sure I was willing. He didn't want me in the joint for four months. I had three kids home.
Ashly Stone
Right?
Matt
Well, not the time, we only had two, we only had two. He didn't need me in prison, but I had to be willing. And once I was willing, and we made arrangements, he had seen enough, I believe. I believe that was enough for him. Okay, he's willing. Alright, let's get him out of this jam. And they did. I don't know how they did. And I don't, I don't care.
Ashly Stone
Wow.
Matt
40:35
I wanted to do the time.
Ashly Stone
That is so, I love that so much. I, I have similar experiences of just the willingness to do whatever it takes. And sometimes like, I mean, for me, I, when I was getting my temple recommend, it's like, quitting smoking, and quitting drinking coffee is really challenging. But, um, you know, I miraculously was able to quit those things. And I think those things that we give up, I mean, I think fasting is another example. Like, our willingness to, you know, give things up for the Lord, it really truly, it's a really incredible bonding experience, I think with the Lord and a testimony building experience. So yeah, like to give up our will is, it's pretty incredible.
Matt
41:31
Yeah. Well, I and for us is for me, I try to align my will. Yeah, not so much give it up as but I try to align it with God. I know when, when I'm in charge, it goes off the rails pretty quickly. Because I'm selfish and self-centered. And just goes without saying, but you know, if I do my best to align my will with God, start with a little prayer meditation in the morning, I have a much better shot of being a productive member, you know, and just being a tool in his toolbox. That's really what I want to be.
Ashly Stone
Yeah.
Matt
You know, if I do my best to help God with his kids, he takes care of my life. That's kind of the way I look at. If I'm always willing, if I stay willing to help those around me, whether they're in AA or not, just anybody, any of God's kids needs my help, if I'm willing to help, then I let him run my life. And let me tell you, he's doing a lot better job of it than I ever did. Much.
Ashly Stone
42:31
Yeah. I love that so much. Do you have any advice for anybody that might be looking at coming back to church or, you know, might be feeling like, you know, I messed up too much? I don't know if this place is for me. You know, what advice would you have for somebody?
Matt
42:53
Well, put down the club. Quit beating yourself up. Stop it. It doesn't do any good. I used to have a problem and this problem was, I could walk into a room, let's say it's a Christmas party, and you're why, you get there a little late, you get in the living rooms packed, and there's a whole bunch of people there and I would open my mouth and start talking. And next thing I know, the entire living room is empty. And I'm standing there all alone. I'm going “What just happened? What just happened?” Now, if you're a white male, born in America today, of sound mind and body, and you dare complain, let me tell you, you can empty your room in two seconds. Nobody wants to hear anybody whining and complaining. Especially not me. No one wants to hear they don't care. But you know what, I have this problem with self-pity. And the funny thing about self-pity is, it feels like depression. But it's not. They're very, very different. Very different. If I'm feeling, when I'm suffering from self-pity, I can be laying in bed and wallowing in it. And I can just it's like, if you imagine the drain in the bathtub spinning like that, that's what that self-pity will do. It'll just spin you down and down and down. And to this point where I'm absolutely no use to another human being whatsoever. But if I will get off my butt, and go do something, if it's run, if it's get up, exercise, anything, start moving, get out of the house, get off the couch. Usually that's a good start. If I will begin to associate with other human beings, call a friend, tell them I’m having a problem... Guess what? That self-pity goes away. At least, if even, if it's just momentary, even if it's just for a little bit. And that feeling, I feel better. Now someone who's chemically imbalanced and suffers from real depression, that doesn't always work for them. That does not always work for you. It worked for me almost every single time. There is a difference between self-pity and depression. And many of us today have a pretty good life when we think about it, you know? I'm not, I wasn't at the time, I was suffering from self-pity. I wasn't freezing. I had a roof over my head. I had food in my stomach. I had a job. I had transportation. There was really no reason for me to be suffering from self-pity. But it was a part of my character. And it was deeply ingrained. And eventually, I took it to God, because I thought, “Oh, this is character flaw. I'm gonna fix this.” I didn’t fix it. I couldn't fix it. I turned it over to God, you know, “God, this is the problem I got, and I'm really sick of it. And you know what? I'm of absolutely no use to another human being when I am wallowing in self-pity. Could you remove it?” Guess what? He did? He did. Now, does it return a little bit every now and again? It creeps back into my life. And I can usually fairly quickly recognize it for what it is and say “Thank you, we're not going to go down that road.” And I'm fine. But the problem and the grief that it caused me for decades has more or less been removed. Are all my character flaws gone? No. In AA we talk about the seventh step. And the seventh step says we have our character defects removed; those character defects which stand in the way of my usefulness to my fellows. Doesn't mean they're all going to be removed. Just the one that's going to be in the way of my being useful to another human being today. That one will be removed. And I can live with, I can live with that. But God does that. Again, I don’t. I am so completely dependent upon him today I can't get over it. Left to my own devices after 33 years of sobriety, I'll drink. There's no doubt of that in my mind. If you take, if you take a cucumber and put it in a mason jar, and put some vinegar and a little dill and make a brine and let it sit in there for 60 days, you're gonna have a pickle. It's not gonna be a cucumber anymore. You want all the science in the world to put the Moon Man on the Moon and created the internet and everything that we have today. None of them can turn that pickle back into a cucumber. I'm an alcoholic. I will always be. God keeps me sober. Not me. Nothing, I do; God does that. And I recognize that and I understand that. And I make a point of thanking him for that. And I'll do it vocally, I will do that in front of others. Because it is very, very important to me that he takes the credit.
Ashly Stone
I love that so much.
Matt
48:03
I've said a little too much about AA, but it's a big part of my life. it's where, it's where it's funny, because God took me to AA and AA took me to God. And it was from there, you know that I found my way back to the church.
Ashly Stone
48:15
I love that. AA is amazing. For sure.
Matt
All of us that have addiction problems...
Ashly Stone
48:23
Yeah, I mean, I actually, my work, I work for a software company in the addiction recovery space. And I tell, you know, some of my coworkers and like, “You should read the AA book.” It's, it's really good. It's, it teaches you a lot, a lot of spiritual principles. And I remember one of my favorite quotes back, in back in the day from AA book was “The spiritual life is not a theory.”
Matt
That’s right.
Ashly Stone
And I just loved that. It just I loved it. And it resonated with me so much, but...Well, so what we just in closing, are do you have any last words of wisdom for us or anything that you would like to share with our listeners?
Matt
49:13
Share, share the love. You know, that's what we're here for. We're all God's kids. And our, I have one job here today, and that is to be a service to my fellows. And if you're still struggling with that, that's alright, hang in there. Hang in there. I know that gift to charity will come for you too. And when it does, it is so worth it. It is just so worth it. It has literally changed my life. I am so much happier today. And I know it's because, you know, I have, I have a job today. My job is to be a service to my fellows. And I don't think it matters. I don't think God cares if I'm a doctor, an attorney, a general, a senator. I don't think he cares. I think whatever you want to do with your life is your business. You just go ahead and do it and live up to your full potential. I think what God really cares about, I think what he really, really cares about, is that you spend as much of your energy as you can afford to, to build a relationship with him. Get to know him. I wish I could give you; I wish I could give you everything that I have and everything that I know. But you know what? I can't. It took me 33 years to build this relationship. And that's why I have it today. Because I worked at it. I worked hard at it. At wanting to know him. I wanted to know my Creator better. And you can do that too. But you know what, it doesn't happen overnight. You got to work at it. And, but it's worth it, it's worth every step of the way. Don't give up. Just keep the faith and don't give up. And the last thing I will say is, God knows when you still got something in you to give, and he's going to press you for it. He's going to press you for every ounce that you have and when there's nothing left to give. He'll do the rest. But he knows; he knows when there's still something left. So give it all when you've given it all. He’ll pick up the slack. Thanks.
Ashly Stone
51:12
Thank you so much.
