"We did this guided imagery meditation on The Savior my second day on the ranch - and man - I still get the chills and emotional whenever I talk about it. Because as much as I wanted to be mad at God and hold on to that resentment, I just started sobbing, and for me to cry - it's hard for me to get to an emotional place. But when she started that amazing imagery of The Savior, and taking my wounded heart and replacing it with His heart, that is just full of love and light - I was sobbing. And during that, I had this overwhelming feeling and what I heard with my heart was the message that 'I am still here and I have always been here, and if you meet me halfway in this thing - I got you.'"
Bryan shares his story of coming back after addiction, doubts, tough questions, and suicidal thoughts.
One of my favorite episodes! <3
Transcript
Ashly Stone
00:00
All right, Bryan, I am so excited to have you on the podcast. Um, so I mean, we kind of know each other because you know my husband and then also, you work with Renaissance Ranch and Preston and Tyson are a big, I don't think I actually would have had the guts to start this podcast if they didn't like pretty much make me do it. Like they were texting me at like 9pm like, K, Ashley, do you have this setup? Like we're doing? Like this is happening. And so anyway, they were a huge, like, kick in the butt to do this and so super grateful for them. But anyways, yeah, like, I would love to hear a little bit about you. And
Bryan
00:45
Um, well, I'm Brian, um, I'm an alcoholic. I'm an addict in recovery. But also, you know, like, I'm a dad, you know, and, and a husband and so. We live in Kaysville. We have three kids, my wife Rebecca and I, who are 10, 8 and 4, Porter, Logan and Ryan, two boys and a little girl. Um, and I work, like you said, I work at Renaissance Ranch. I've been there for gosh, like the better part of 12 years.
Ashly Stone
Wow.
Bryan
Yeah, it's been a minute. I, yeah, and I've kind of worked every job you can have there. I mean, I started I started as a like a line staff and was cooking and running like a therapeutic community and I've got into admissions and operations and um, now I'm the Executive Director, which means I just find people for those positions that are way better than me. I don't and get to do their job. So. So I love that I love what I do. It feels like a fake job. Because I just can't believe that I get paid to do it. Um, and we have a busy home. It's like right now it's like the witching hour, so I’m huddled in in the guest room, I’m trying to be quiet. But yeah, our house is busy. We're playing soccer and just got home from a flag football game and you know, ballet and soccer for her. And my wife's like a really hard worker she owns. She has owned her own flower business. So, she does weddings. Um, he's kind of getting out of that. But um, yeah, she just did a huge wedding, Thursday, Friday, Saturday. And so, our house is always like crazy and noisy and fun, but.
Ashly Stone
02:57
Love it. Well, why don't we just go ahead and jump right into your story and I'd love to hear you know, how it started and how it's going and all that?
Bryan
03:10
Well, I I grew up mostly in Sandy and Farmington. So, I have four siblings definitely grew up in an LDS household. Which wasn't a negative for me. I mean, I remember growing up in the church and I have three brothers and a little sister and we were just always playing sports and, and doing the scouts thing and going to deer camp and then beyond my family um, my parents had siblings, aunts and uncles that were close, close enough. Um, who are always huge influences on me as well. And so, you know, grew up with a lot of a lot of mentors and people giving me good advice constantly. And teaching me the ways and I didn't have a problem going to church. I mean, growing up I you know, sometimes it was mundane and boring. But even as a teenager like I benefited from it. Um, there's a there's a time when we went on Pioneer trek, and I think I was 14 or 15 um, back when they used to make you like kill a chicken and cook it.
Ashly Stone
04:35
Whoa, I thought mine was rough. But dang.
Bryan
04:39
Yeah, it was no joke, but we got the job done somehow. Um, but we did a solo. It's kind of the first memory that I have, just kind of as an adolescent that had some like real substantial, you know, spirit attached to it and at least from what I can remember. And we did like an hour long solo, where we just kind of prayed and, and what I call meditated now, which I didn't know what that was back then but just kind of got quiet and did some writing and um, just off on your own. And I remember feeling just an obvious peace in that moment. And that’s never left me. I mean, even when I got off track and, and things got super dark, like I, I could never ignore that moment. Um, I tried to talk myself out of it a lot, like no, that didn't really happen. And it was just kind of what you know, it wasn't like you remember it and but it was real. And that kind of, you know, stayed with me through junior high and high school. I started experimenting with substances, alcohol, marijuana. I was kind of a poly substance user, so I would take anything. I mean, I would try anything. I was always pretty creative. So, I liked to get altered aggressively, I guess you could say. I liked to just go to a different planet, and try to get there as quickly as possible. Which brought in a lot of different drugs, and a lot of, you know, interesting people. And, and I did it with kind of did it with this group of friends and, and we were all kind of on this on this plan to, um, you know, have a lot of fun, and figure the world out and come up with all the theories and ideas of what the world was. And um, a part of my story, I started to live this kind of double life. So, I was going to church, and like, you know, blessing sacrament, but then I would go out on the weekends and get totally wild and, and lie to people who didn't think that I did that. And lie to the people who knew that I did that, you know about the church. And like, I was just kind of a chameleon, I was just kind of a liar, you know, Jekyll and Hyde thing. I, I didn't, I didn't know how to tell the truth. And, and I was somewhat good at manipulating and, and telling people what they wanted to hear. And um, I think people generally liked me so I could, not that I intentionally did it, but like I could manipulate my way into a job or into a relationship or into you know, getting out of trouble or, you know, turning a U into an N in high school to play baseball or, you know, change a grade from whatever it was to a grade that it needed to be in order to play ball. So, I was just kind of living this bounce around life. You know, I was the baseball player and the boyfriend, but then I was the partier and, and, but then I was like preparing for the mission and, and kind of just like, living five different lives all into one. Which looking back like, is the tough way to form some kind of foundation or identity. It's like, I didn't know who I was, I was just going to be who you wanted me to be in the moment. So, without a foundation, I, you know, I, I you know, I would like get my mission call and try to go on a mission and, and without any conviction behind it. Like I came home in two days. And then you know, I would like I got married in the temple to my first wife and, and I even though I loved her, and we had been together for a long time, like I just wasn't in any place to do anything like that. I mean, I had no business like shooting for the moon on that. It's like I was an absolute disaster. And, nobody really knew that except for the guys that I was, you know, using on a daily basis with. I mean, that was during like the oxycontin explosion and so it had kind of turned into a daily use of that and fast forward, you know, through that marriage into 2008. And it had turned into heroin and, and needles and, and by that time, I was full blown into this, you know, justified anti-religion, anti-establishment, like, the government's out to get me, the church is out to get me, or they've done me wrong, even though that wasn't true, you know. I had burned every bridge I had ever built. You know, even the guys that you use with start looking at you different like, like, dude, you're kind of messed up. And so, I mean, I had nothing left. I mean, my first wife was gone. I was in my mom's basement at the time, and, you know, no job, no money, didn't have the energy to even like steal anything anymore or try to come up with a plan to get to Salt Lake or. Where my life changed was this, I was about a day and a half into withdrawal and I and I was super dark. So, I was thinking about suicide every day, probably for probably for a year, every day, just constantly. About a day and a half into this withdrawal. I was just kind of in the basement. and I don't know why. Because I thought God hated me. I thought I had sinned my way out of his club, you know, I thought I was done. But I just said a little prayer, like, some something just like, hey, like, I know, I've screwed up a lot. But like, if you’re there, I could use you right now. And, you know, nothing really happened um, immediately. But I just kind of stayed there and laid there. And then I had like, a few thoughts kind of come to me and one of them was like, you know, you could ask, ask somebody for help. And I had like, never considered that. I was just so prideful, and, and so embarrassed, you know that my life had gotten to that point that I was like, man, I even though everybody kind of knows, you still think that you like you can turn it around and they'll never find out. And then I think the second thought is like a little darker, not from my higher power. But it's like you should take your life. Like you're done, you've got nobody left you have nothing left, like you have failed everything that you have ever tried. That morning, it came with some like adrenaline. Like I was actually like I actually had energy to maybe do it. And that freaked me out. A third passing thought was like you can try to use again, and all of this will go away. And for some reason that morning I like just didn't want to. And probably not a coincidence. Like, I think God probably stepped in and like gave me some strength to just not really want to get loaded. And so I heard somebody upstairs and I kind of crawled up the stairs and it was my older brother Landon. And he was with my nephew and I tried to kind of pretend like I was okay for a minute. But I was literally like laying on the kitchen tile, trying to feed my nephew and I couldn't feed him because my my hand was shaking so bad. And so, you know, he saw that and I was like, he asked me if I needed some help and I just said yah. And you know, three days later I was I was at Renaissance Ranch. That was, um, July 28, 2008. So from that, from that point on my life has been totally different. It didn't all come back at once. You know I got to treatment and another thing I wanted to share with you tonight is I still carry that kind of animosity for the church and like I had this resentment towards the church and it was just so ridiculous because like I was biggest part in all of it. I didn't I didn't know that until some mentors later pointed that out to me in treatment. But we did this meditation, my second day at the ranch and a woman, who I’ll always love, her name is Chris Grove. She was a counselor there and has since retired. But she would do these guided imagery meditations on the Savior. And man, I still get the chills, like and emotional when I talk about it, because like, as much as I wanted to, like, be mad at that guy, and hold on to that resentment, as soon as she started, and I'm like, my second day into treatment, I was like, I didn't know what I was doing, or where I was really. Just like, man, I'm here another day, and she started that meditation, and I just started sobbing. And for me to cry, like, I cry, like, twice a year. Okay, more now that I have kids, but it's, it's hard for me to, like, get to an emotional place. So, but when she started that, and it was kind this really like, amazing imagery of the Savior, you know, taking my wounded heart and replacing it with his heart that's just full of like, love and light. And, and, and I was sobbing and during that I just had this overwhelming feeling and what I heard or what I heard with my heart, not any words in my head, but the message to me was like, like, I'm still here. And I've always been here. And if you meet me halfway in this thing, like, like, like, I got you, you know. Um, so the best way I can describe just kind of the, the feeling that it was, it was just kind of like, I've never left, you know, I've always been here. And so that happened, and it didn't again, it didn’t, like we went to church, in treatment, like back then we had to go and I'm grateful we did because it kind of got you used to like going again and being in the chapel. And you know, once you've been away from it for a while, it kind of takes a minute to get used to again, it's just, it's just different. And I carried in all of this kind of intellectual church history stuff that was in my brain. Things that I had read things that I had seen, things that I had studied, that are pretty compelling. I mean, I think that's why people have questions and leave cause some of it's hard to kind of make sense of. But you know, I've just always, so all I ever wanted when I was using was to like be okay again and to feel peace. Like that is that's all I wanted. I just wanted to like, feel peace, and things like that, that feeling I had on trek as a teenager. And I had the same even though I was in the MTC for like two days, I felt it there too. And I felt it in the temple. And I felt it in that meditation and I felt it the morning I asked for help and I felt it when I started going back there to church and it's the only place that I have had that specific feeling of peace and calm like um, when I'm here like I'm safe and that's a big deal to me. I mean, for me to feel safe because I just was not safe I, I didn't feel safe. Like I felt scared. I mean I felt like ending my life a lot and so to have those thoughts gone and to feel safe and just kind of this calm this like sweet calm feeling this warmth kind of just peace like I, like it's different than goosebumps. It's different than it's different than I mean that's part of it but like I get goosebumps when somebody hits a walk off home run you know so like I think that's a moment too but or if I hit like a good golf shot like there's something there but it's like there's only one thing that when I associate with it and I invest in it. It gives me kind of this calm like stable, like feeling of safety. And that's with the gospel and like even when like, I would question the Book of Mormon and I had read so much that it was like made up and not a real thing. And but then when I would read it just in my heart, it was like, there's something to this book, it's real.
20:20
And you got to trust your heart over your head. Because my head's always been out to get me. Like, it just has and but my hearts never betrayed me. And so, and that's how I kind of still live today is like, just stay consistent.
20:44
You know, I was disfellowshipped. And that was even like a positive thing. After treatment, I just went in and kind of did a step four and five and wanted to be totally honest, and just get right with God. And like, that was powerful. I didn't feel like that was a negative thing or didn't feel any shame.
Ashly Stone
21:05
So, a lot of people that listen, are probably not familiar with the 12 steps. So, can you explain to us a little bit about what step four and five is?
Bryan
21:14
Yeah, the 12 steps, I mean, the church kind of borrowed them and asked permission to use them from Alcoholics Anonymous, so like Bill and Bob, a Wall Street broker and a doctor. So, this is like the Great Depression era. And these two guys and a friend Ebby and another, like, they literally started Alcoholics Anonymous, just from like, speaking from the heart and being honest about alcoholism and now it's like, everywhere in the world. And they came up with the 12 steps and which at the ranch, we would we would say, like, it's, it's the atonement, it's the practical, just blueprint of the Atonement. So, step four is like writing an inventory of your life. You know, your conduct, your fears, your resentments. And step five is sharing that with somebody. So, it's kind of a confession, but it's also kind of an introspective, deep dive into like, what's, like, what's real, what's really going on with you. So, it can be powerful. And I just, I felt like, I kind of did that with an AA sponsor. I've done several since then. But I wanted to do it with like a church council just to, for some reason, I just felt like that was necessary. Just to get right. So, I met my wife in 2010. Rebecca, not a member of the church back then. Just this like, beautiful, energetic, powerful,
Ashly Stone
23:01
she's amazing. Like she Yeah, she's amazing.
Bryan
23:05
Um, when I met her, we met at a concert at Pioneer Park, a reggae show. And like, there was just something about her that was like, just captivating. And, and, and I could tell like, she was super strong and like, and maybe the thing I liked the most that I could see immediately was, she is who she is, like, she is an individual, she has identity and, and like, she's super strong, and I was really drawn to that. We started dating and got married a year after that and had Porter and but not a member, and part of our relationship was like, like, that's not a big deal. Like you never have to be. My practice, my religious practices, like, private and personal and, and, and she was cool with that. And I was cool with her, like doing her thing and being on her journey with God. And so I was kind of going, going back for a while mostly on sometimes off with the church, but mostly on just kind of supporting my recovery with another avenue of spirituality and in fact, my sponsor in Alcoholics Anonymous, not a member of the church, like a really, like really cool long hair, like guru, spiritual guru, but he was actually the one that kind of nudged me back to be an active, you know, like he just felt like it would like I think that would benefit you to just kind of join that fellowship back and kind of make amends and make right and, and just check it out and see what it's really about now that you're sober and kind of, you know, right with God and. And he was right, you know, and, and not only him but I, in my life I've had, you know, uncles and, and parents and you know, heroes in Recovery like the guys that started the ranch and, and the people there that run it now with me and you know all of my friends and people at other places in recovery, but they're all these friends and people that, they're active in the gospel and they I just like wanted what they had, you know, I just have always kind of watched them. And it's like, they have their, you know, recovery from substance abuse. And then they kind of added this. They added this, like, church fellowship and gospel to it. And that kind of put my recovery on steroids, I guess you could say. It just kind of solidifies what I got going on. So, I share, I introduced my wife, because a few years ago, the missionary showed up at our house. And prior to that night, they had come to our house, in Salt Lake, and then now in Kaysville, and I had always kind of guarded them, guarded her from them and just said, like, we're good here, we're okay. And this last time, she walked up behind and like, you know, her, she just, like, moved me out of the way and was like, like, go somewhere else. Like I invited them to come, like, talk to me. Which, like, I hadn't expected at all, and, and I was just, just like, wow, that's, that's interesting, we'll see how this goes. And she was kind of going through a personal journey spirituality with God, at the time, and, you know, ended up getting baptized and I was able to, to do that with her, to baptize her. And it's just amazing. I think the what a converted heart or conversion can happen so powerfully and so rapidly. A change of heart and, and, like, the Spirit is the Spirit. And you can't argue with it, you can't debate it. It just is what it is. And it's that, that kind of quiet calm that piece. And she said something about the Book of Mormon, that's the coolest thing that I've ever heard about the Book of Mormon and we were just chatting, I said, well, what do you think about the Book of Mormon? And she says, like, I'm not sure it's kind of confusing, not her exact words, but her exact words were. There's just something about it that's familiar to me. You know, and I had never heard anybody use that word.
Ashly Stone
28:34
That just gave me the chills all over.
Bryan
28:38
Yeah, me too. That's the coolest way that I've ever heard anybody describe the Book of Mormon, that it was familiar to them. Because it was like, Wow. You know, because I can relate to that. There is for whatever said about it, and how it came about and what it what it is, and it's like, I think you can get lost in the clouds with a lot of that conversation and debate and it's usually, usually comes along with some like energy and animosity, and I'm kind of a simple hippie, even though I don't use anymore so it's like, I'm just gonna sit down and read it and see how I feel. And when I do that, my life just seems to go better. It seems to be, to have more clarity, and I feel more strength and I feel like I have a purpose, more purpose. You know, and I learn from what’s it. You know, it's not just all feelings, but it's like, for me, it's a big deal just again, just to feel like when I read this book, I feel safe. And I feel like I can stay sober today and I feel like um, I can help others a little bit better. I feel like I'm more patient with my family, I feel like I can show up for people a little bit more genuinely. And I'll take that all day. I mean, I it’s like the pros that come from, you know, for me like living, living the gospel and being active and in the church and kind of making peace with, with my resentments and, and all that intellectual kind of war that's in my head, like, it's gone. I mean, I watch other people do it and struggle with it. I mean, it's pretty ripe in the recovery community. I think most people trying to get sober have like, issues with God or, or opinions about, you know, religion, or God. And not just the LDS church, but you know, any church, or any concept of God. And so I'm around it constantly, and it just kind of reminds me like, like, what my life is without it. It's just kind of chaotic, and scary and dark. And I don't want to feel like that anymore. Yeah, so
Ashly Stone
31:26
I love that. So yeah, that is so amazing. Wow, I am just so I don't know, like, this is seriously one of the most beautiful stories that I've heard on this podcast. So, thank you so much. Um, so I have a couple of questions for you. Some of them are submitted by people that are listeners of the podcast. And one of the questions that I have is, do you have any kind of like daily routine? Or what's kind of your thing that keeps you grounded on a regular basis and just like keeps you close? Or maybe like an experience that you've had or just something that keeps you close to the Savior?
Bryan
32:22
Yeah, good question um. So, ever since treatment, you know, 14 years ago, like I developed these routines, and they've kind of altered over time, but the ones that are always there and constant is to plug in and connect in the morning that's kind of at this point, a combination of like, definitely prayer and it's like prayer on my knees, not in the shower. Because I used to do that, and I think that's fine, too. I still do that. But I definitely need to, like bow to the ground on my knees, and connect and plug in and pray. And then it's, it's also kind of a meditative, like, listen. I’ll read something, whether it's scripture or a daily reflection, like a little like recovery has all these little daily like books, you know that but for those that don't know, just kind of a daily thought, or, you know, practice or perspective that's positive and optimistic, like, hey, you know, motivational stuff. And then I always have like, these staple books that I use in the morning. So, my routine is always in the morning to kind of get the day started. And sometimes I have like, like space at home to do that kind of during, like during the workout. Sometimes I wait till I get to work because it's just I can't find the space or time to do it at home. So, I know, at my work it’s like, you know, a treatment center. So, it provides a good setting to be quiet and kind of be prayerful and mindful and meditative. I've, I've, I've always, since that experience in treatment, meditated. I mean, that for me, it kind of comes from things like a mentor of mine would say, to like, listen more than I pray, because God's tired of hearing what I have to say, which I don't believe anymore, but point taken was like, I never really listened. You know, as part of a practice of prayer, it was just like you say your prayers, and then you go to bed or you say your prayers and you go about your business and it's and it's like, you know, meditation added this component of like just being still and connecting to breath and body and, and like, just kind of listening and not racing through life that and that's a huge part of my routine. And then I always have to reach out and help other people at some point during the day. Talk to who I need to talk to, connect with my friends in recovery. And I do that in a lot of different ways. It could be a 12-step meeting, it could be, I have several, like shared music, thread, text threads with friends that love music. And so, we're constantly like sharing music back and forth and staying connected and yeah. So, it’s like prayer, meditation, books, like anything that that takes practice and like time to actually sit down and not do anything, I think is super important, especially in today's world that's so fast.
Ashly Stone
36:03
I love, it sounds like you're very intentional with the way that you, you spend your time during the day. And I really love that. Um, so, another question for you. What advice would you have for somebody that might be struggling with, you know, some of the outside noise of you know, church history stuff, or, you know, all the different things that are kind of, can be distracting from what really matters most? What advice would you give to them?
Bryan
36:41
That's a good question, too. Um, I'm trying to fill this one out so I don't just give you like a fake answer. So, I think everybody's journey is important, even the dark times. I kind of believe in I kind of believe in and trust that God has timing for everything. And there's this really cool meditation that um, kind of looks toward eternity as, on like a timeline, which is a hard thing to grasp. But it's like, if somebody's progression is on an eternal scale or plane, then it, their kind of struggle on Earth doesn't seem so drastic, or, or panicked then I can just be friends with whoever's in that spot. I'm not above or below them, for sure. We're just on different journeys. And I think their journey is important. I know that there's nothing I don't think there's anything I could say or do to like change their mind. Because I think that is a I think that's an important journey. Whether they make it back to the religion or not, the best thing that I can do is always just try to be like, like somebody that's, that's attractive, spiritually, somebody that's kind of walking the walk. I think the worst thing that I could do, to those people that are in that place is like promote, or, like, try to debate or convince, or give them like this negative, like, well, you should try this, or have you ever thought about this. Like, I that always feels shallow that always feels like I'm doing more harm than good. So, I think it's just love. Like, I have so many friends and people like in my life that are in that spot and like, we're still super tight, you know. Like, we respect each other and they're on their journey and I'm on mine and we can still be friends and I know that doesn't really answer your question, but it's kind of a I don't think there's a quick fix nor do I really believe that needs a fix. I think, I really believe in an eternal timeline. So, whatever God has in store for them or that individual like it's, it's coming you know.
Ashly Stone
39:36
Yeah. I agree with you so, so much. I, it's weird because I had this dream last night, which is so weird because it's like just coming to me like as we're talking about this, but in my dream, I had a, like a family member that I really wanted to like share, like my message and my podcast and like, I really wanted them to hear it and help them. And I had this like impression that, you know, the struggle is where we learn. That's like, I need to, like, stop, like, hoping like, you know, trying to like change their path or influence because the struggle, there's so much to learn in the struggle. Like that is, that is the lesson and that can really teach us and so what you said was so, so amazing and yeah, thank you so much for that.
Bryan
40:40
No, thank you, thank you for sharing, I believe it. It's like I think pain is the touchstone of spiritual growth. I think pain is necessary. I think pain and struggle is a spiritual thing. I think if you look at it as like, when you're having a terrible day or week or month or year, or going through the hardest things in your life, I think having a perspective or mindset of like this, this is a spiritual thing, actually, I'm being like, cleansed by fire and like, hurt and pain and emotion. Like, it's sucks and it's uncomfortable, and it's super hard. But maybe it's happening for a number of different reasons to, for me to be able to speak a different language eventually, you know, a different kind of spiritual language. And like, you know, this and, you know, knowing you a little bit and Jesse and so many people like their most spiritual moments in life, like usually come right in the middle of like, the worst time in their life. So, I think the veil is super thin during that moment. Even though the person usually thinks that like God’s so far away, I think he's right there. I think in that moment of pain and suffering, I think, I think like, there's angels and like, I think God's right there.
Ashly Stone
42:11
Yeah, I agree. So right on. Um, okay, so my last question, what are how are you doing your meditation like, this is mostly for me, but I'm sure listeners will be interested in this as well. What do you how do you do your meditation? Do you use like an app? Do you, what does that look like? After hearing you say all this, I'm like, okay, I need to meditate more, I need to start listening for God to speak to me because I do this the same, I say my prayers, but I need to take more time to listen. So, I'm just curious what, what tools you use for meditation.
Bryan
42:49
So, I've definitely used all the apps, headspace is really good. If you're just getting into it. Calm is a really good one. I've kind of gone down the rabbit hole with headspace and the founder of headspace was like this really interesting guy from the UK that joined a monastery and was like a monk. And then he, you know, escaped and climbed over the fence and escaped the monastery and, so interesting guy. But really easy, like simple techniques from headspace. There's kind of this, this common, I want to say this because it comes up every time and like, I want to, like shut it down for people that that, that have this kind of rebuttal with meditation. It's like anytime, they'll say anytime I try to meditate, my mind just races and races and races and I can't like, meditation doesn't work for me. And what I would say is like that's a reason to meditate more not to never meditate. Because the more that you do it to practice and the goal is not to calm the mind or shut the mind off it's just to let the mind do what it's doing and just observe it and not judging it and just letting it be and the more that you do that the less busy your mind is. I mean if I if I haven't meditated for a little while I'll drop into practice and like my mind will be like super loud and all over the place. And it's a good little inventory it's like wow, I've kind of been I've kind of been complacent for a while. But to answer your question my go to is in my office at work actually and I have this little sand garden which are super cool and just play some spa radio or meditation music. There’s so many YouTube channels, meditation channels. I mean, there's yeah, there's like amazing people out there that are gurus and can teach us so much with meditation. And yoga, yoga is amazing. If I'm definitely like a novice, and, like, do it every once in a while, but there's just so many amazing people out there that can help and teach with meditation. But I would suggest, like, get a companion book or like a, like an app to kind of teach you principles like, like, in simple terms while you're starting. So that you don't, I'm not talking to you, but just so everybody that wants to try doesn't get discouraged and quit. Because it's because they don't feel like a burning bush, like calm moment when they start meditating. It's like, it's gonna feel like the opposite for a while.
Ashly Stone
46:08
Yeah, I can relate to that, for sure. I feel like, even if I go to the gym, and it's not like really early in the morning, and I go to F45. So, I'm like, I don't have my phone. I'm not like plugged in or anything. And when I'm at the gym, even and it's like too late, if I'm going to the like 8:30 class or like, 9am class, I'm like, oh my gosh, you know, I have this going on and oh my gosh, this person's calling me and Okay, I like gotta get out of here. I just have too distracted too much going on. And, and anytime I've tried to meditate, it is very, very similar. My mind is racing. So just hearing how you have described meditation, I'm like, I need some of that in my life. I really do.
Bryan
46:52
And then you know, you love and respect yourself to give yourself a half an hour to not do anything. Because we all have half an hour for sure. You know, but I know you're super busy. So
Ashly Stone
47:15
I am a little too busy sometimes. But um, well Awesome. Okay, do you have any final thoughts or any final anything before we wrap up?
Bryan
47:29
Only to keep doing what you're doing. I think it's unbelievable. I think you know, connecting more people to messages of hope and optimism and you know, conversion and I think is a world needs it. They need they need the message amidst the chaos. So just keep doing what you're doing.
Ashly Stone
47:52
Thank you so much and we will be in touch soon.
