Jesse shares his story of coming back to The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints after getting sent home from his mission due to addiction. Jesse shares his powerful testimony of the gospel, and the miracles that have happened in his life.
Transcript
Ashly Stone
00:03
My name is Ashly Stone, and this is the comeback podcast.
00:13
We are back with another episode of the comeback Podcast, episode two, I can't believe it, made it here. I think maybe that I'm doing episode two, that means I'm an actual podcaster now I don't know, I'm here with my husband, Jesse Stone.
Jesse
00:36
Hello, hello,
Ashly Stone
00:37
and Jesse, I'm excited to have him on as my second guest. Because Jesse has a if you listen to episode one, Jesse has a similar past to mine. And a similar experience with coming back to the church. And I am excited to have him share his story. We align so much on so many different principles. And just with what we've been through, I think it's really, you know, it's the core thing that anchors our marriage and our testimony. And it's pretty cool to be married to somebody that has a similar experience and whose testimony is founded on similar experiences. And so just excited to have my cute husband join today.
Jesse
01:31
I'm excited to be here, so blessed.
Ashly Stone
01:34
Jesse is actually the one that really cheered me on and getting this podcast going. It was an idea of mine for a long time. And I, I felt, I don't know, like, I had so much going on I work full time. I'm a mom, you know, and with everything else and that I have going on. I just was like, Oh, I don't know. But he really encouraged me to follow my prompting to do this podcast. And I'm grateful that that he did that. So I want to start out with what was your testimony? like growing up? What was? What was it like, for you as a kid? I know your parents, they're, you know, members of the church, they raised you really well, you know, in the Gospel? And did you have a strong testimony growing up?
Jesse
02:24
Yeah. So growing up, I remember those awful early mornings and late nights. When my mom and dad would bring us together as a family and have us do scripture study. It was it was painful as as a young kid, I don't really remember having a joy for some of the fundamentals of the gospel, reading the scriptures. Going to church was tough. It was always hard. I wanted to be out playing baseball or skateboarding or riding my bike. And it was tough as a youth, like, I'm sure a lot of us, a lot of you out there can relate. However, the one thing that that I remember going back about as far as I can remember, I have always, always felt a closeness to Jesus Christ. Always. I don't remember a time in my life where I didn't feel. And I emphasize the word feel, because I'm not the most intellectual person. I try to operate off of feelings. And I have always felt close to Heavenly Father, and Jesus Christ, as long as I can remember. And I remember being willing to offer and say prayers, because I believed like, I truly believed that Heavenly Father was listening. And so as long as I can remember, right, I believe that I've had testimony of Jesus Christ and Heavenly Father.
Ashly Stone
04:16
So with that experience, and you're having so much faith as a kid, what was it that really led to, you know, the choices that you made that distanced you from the church?
Jesse
04:31
Well, in my case, it was really just one night but it was a combination of choices over years, and years. I remember, you know, when I was in fifth grade, dropped off my buddies out by the fairgrounds and Davis County found a pack of cigarettes on the side of the road, and I was like, Yeah, let's smoke one of these. You know, I always wanted to be a cowboy by the fairgrounds Marlboro Man, he's a cowboy. Let's see, it seems cool. You know, smoked a, you know, one puff of a cigarette felt awful. And I remember my friends were talking about it at baseball practice that night. And I felt so embarrassed that, that I would do that I feel embarrassed that Jesse Stone who I personally felt, had a calling to live a higher standard would make a choice like that. And, and I felt bad personally, nobody else knew about it, but me. I didn't feel super great about it. But growing up in middle school, I started, I think the big one was, you know, as a young kid, you start to have different desires and appetites, you know, this was right as the internet, you know, they would send you CDs to your house, and you could get the internet in your mailbox. And I remember it was just it was it was pretty innocent at the time. But exploring pornography when I was a young kid, and doing things like that, that I knew was wrong. But I was curious about. And I've been advised and counseled not to view pornography, I remember hearing it in priesthood conference at the priesthood general sessions with my brother and dad, and in church, and I knew that was wrong. And it was making little choices like that, that allowed the adversary to, to just slightly, really kind of insert some of his influence into my life. And that is when the dam burst, really my ninth-grade summer.
Ashly Stone
06:35
So, I want to kind of build up to where you went on your mission. So, before you went on your mission, obviously, you know, you kind of went downhill after that time period that you're talking about now. You know, how did you like clean your life back up in order to go on your mission.
Jesse
06:55
That was tough. I mean, in between that time I had, I had my entire high school year, I went to three different high schools, one in Utah, one in Arizona, and then I graduated in St. George, and so I moved a lot. Well, I was forced to move, based on choices, I was getting in some trouble and had to move a lot. The interesting thing was my choices got more intense, and I was making choices that had more and more severe consequences to them, specifically with drugs and alcohol, and I got in trouble with the law on multiple occasions with marijuana in high school. That blessing that that gift, I look at it as a gift because it feels a bit natural to me. And so, I was fortunate to always have that as a foundation. And although going into high school and college that was you know, my life, the interesting thing was, I was making all these bad choices. But I go from a high school baseball player to a state championship baseball game, where I ended up getting noticed by the local college in town have the game my life had home run off the scoreboard like, you know, stereotypical what kids dream about high school, and the college coach invites me to come play and I get a scholarship, full ride scholarship in college. And so, my life is progressing during this time. And so, it was difficult for me to, to contrast while these choices I'm making aren't necessarily hurting me, because look, I went from high school troubled youth. Now I'm in college, and I've got a full ride scholarship. So, I continue to make these choices that even when I was making them, it was really an underlying condition of insecurity, self-doubt, self-hate, I didn't love myself, I was really insecure, even though I had these gifts and these talents. But it was difficult to recognize the consequences to these choices with my life still progressing kind of superficially.
Ashely Stone
08:58
Why do you think you because you had such a strong testimony in the Gospel? What do you think it was that led you to do those things that were against the church, you know, the word of wisdom, mostly, and, you know, and looking at pornography and things like that, what do you think that was that made you feel like that was okay to do? Or maybe you didn't feel like it was okay, but led to that, despite your testimony?
Jesse
09:24
Well, that's interesting, because I didn't, even when I was making those choices, I could feel in my heart, my core, my soul, that what I was doing was wrong, and that it wasn't right. However, like I said, I had an underlying condition where I was insecure, I was self-conscious. I was scared. I you know, it's interesting, you wouldn't think that because I was the star athlete, you know, parents, members of the bishopric Relief Society president and see, you know, brother on the track team, you know, like, sister and dance, other sisters uh, successful nanny, across the country like, by all appearances, were a great successful family. And so, it's like, Man, this kid can't have too many problems, but I was hurting inside. And so, for me, I didn't make the choice beforehand, before the choice was presented, you know, I should have prepared more, and said, You know what, when I'm faced with this decision, or this decision, in this group of friends, or that group of friends, this is what I'm going to do, and I'm going to be ready. And I'm going to be prepared to say, you know what, guys, that makes me a little uncomfortable. I'm just not interested. But I was I was pretty insecure and self-conscious. And it was kind of a perfect storm. And just curiosity. I wasn't a bad kid. I was nice. I loved people. And I think I was pretty kind and generous to people in general. But it just, it seemed to heal. At least at the time, I thought, the broken pieces inside me because it made me, I was more secure, I was more confident when I would when I would drink alcohol or use these drugs in the beginning. So that's what made it so tough. Like I said, these choices didn't have an immediate impact. Sometimes they do. But they don't always impact you immediately.
Ashly Stone
11:16
That's a great, that's a great insight into what you were kind of feeling at that time. So you went on a mission, you prepared for the mission, you went on the mission? What did that look like? Giving up those things and going on a mission?
Jesse
11:32
Yeah, it was pretty uncommon, I think the way I did it, I remember it was my freshman year of college, we won the national championship. And, you know, that summer in that fall is really, when I came to the decision that hey, man, I gotta put this behind me. Like, I know better. You know, I wasn't I wasn't being pressured by my parents, my friends were all leaving on missions, but none of them were pressuring me, you know, I just saw them going. And something again, in my core, my soul was just gently calling me, please come, come serve. Come help me. And I wanted to I wanted to serve. I was excited about it. I, you know, I was excited about the adventure and the opportunity to meet new culture, new people. And for me, I was drinking one night in the summer after we won the national championship with one of my best friends Kate Boyer at the time and has since passed away. And I will never forget, sitting in centerfield at Dixie College, sitting under the pine trees so that we didn't get caught by the police. And he does bore his soul and his testimony about his mission in the Dominican Republic. And, and it just, it broke down every barrier that the adversary tried to put up and it just it, I could feel it in my heart that I needed to serve a mission. And I wanted to. So, I made that decision that day. Early that summer, that look, I was going to put in the time I was going to do what's necessary, wasn't doing super crazy things at the time. Like I hadn't, I wasn't really doing hardcore drugs. I was drinking alcohol and smoking marijuana, right. And still being a good person, I was still going to church. And so, I decided, hey, let's go on a mission. And so, I spent the next six months, let the coach at the college know, hey, here's my intention. I'm not going to come back from my sophomore year of college, I'm going to I'm going to work on becoming worthy to serve a full-time mission. And I want to do this. And so, I started working at St. George airport fuel and helicopters and jets at four in the morning, and work with my bishop every day to become worthy. I want it to and I tried and I did I became worthy.
Ashly Stone
13:57
Awesome. So, you go out on your mission, and you're out on your mission for a year. And then what happened?
Jesse
14:08
Man, my mission was awesome. I was I thought for sure I was gonna get called to, I don't know, Zimbabwe, Gilawlilawly speaking like I thought for sure I was going to speak a language that had just been discovered. And I was going to convert new Lamanites that had been discovered in some cave somewhere and I was going to be I was going to be a stripling warrior. And I just I knew I was going to be called to some island somewhere where I had to build a canoe and serve the Lord. And I called the de Moines Iowa. And it was a shock it was like I mean, that's interesting. You know, that's, that's not what I expected. But hey, let's get weird. So, I did, and I was excited about it. I went to the MTC, I had an incredible, incredible companion in the MTC, and was called to Des Moines, Iowa went out there, my first area Newton, Iowa, a little just farming community outside of Des Moines. And just fell in love with it. absolutely fell in love with the people the culture, it was different. Everything a missionary says when they come home, not every missionary but I'd say the majority, I loved it, I love the people. And it was going great. And I did everything I could to be obedient. Everything. And it wasn't until about 11 months in 10 or 11 months in I had a companion. And this was kind of my difficulty in life, it's really symbolic, or it mirrors my choices outside of the mission was he became a really good friend, not just a companion, not just somebody that I was serving with that I had the mantle to serve the Lord with the became a really close friend. And he wasn't, he wasn't obedient, he wasn't a bad person, but he didn't want to wake up on time. He didn't want to study the Scriptures. And let's go attracting but we're going to start at like 11 o'clock, you know, and, and that was difficult. And we did that for you know, a few weeks in our first transfer together and similar to life, like the consequences weren't immediate, you know, I'll do my own scripture study, we wouldn't do companionships I was like, how I'll keep my side of the street clean. And you know, and I just, I wasn't ready for, for what the adversary was waiting to, to tempt me with. And, and it was it was in a moment of weakness, much like in ninth grade that summer, it wasn't anything crazy that sparked it, it was just a few choices here and there that really kind of weakened my armor, and my protection. And my addiction again, got the best of me. And in this time, it was my alcohol addiction that I had in college in high school. And it was just one night late. I mean, it made a terrible choice. We're on a college campus and, and one of the biggest mistakes in my life was to follow to follow that craving that that physical appetite to drink, and I drank, and I felt so guilty. I couldn't stay out there and serve the Lord any longer. And so, I went to my mission president and I let him know what my difficulty was, and my challenges and the choices that I had made. And they sent me home. I wanted to stay but they sent me home. And that was that shattered my soul.
Ashly Stone
18:07
So, when you get when you got home from your mission, how did you feel? Did you feel judged by other people? Did people know why you got sent home? Did they know why you came home early? And what was that like to face everybody? And kind of go through that experience of coming home for that reason.
Jesse
18:27
Yeah, that was that's awful. Because we're we are our biggest critic. And I'm sure there were people judging me for sure. I mean, it's That's just human nature, people judge, and they make judgments, and they pass judgment. You know, one of my favorite quotes is, I am not who I think I am. I am not who you think I am. I am who I think you think I am. You guys may need to repeat that. But it's really our perception of what we think others think about us becomes our reality. And I thought for sure everybody hated me. Hey, here's this all-star athlete full ride scholarship, national championship winner, and he just throws away his gift. And the thing is, that's not that's not the way people were treating me. That's just how I was treating myself. I really pulled myself away from the gospel in a time when I believe the Lord was just begging me with open arms to stay to stay close. And I was given an opportunity by an incredible stake president at the time. He offered to let me live in his home for six months. He says, Jessie, let's get you back on a mission that we can do this and if you stay here, you will go back and you will serve a worthy full-time mission. And at the time, I didn't take that opportunity. And again, another just major regret in my life. I said you know what President I got this; I can do this. And within a couple of days, I think I was out. partying.
Ashly Stone
20:06
How do you feel now about your mission? Do you feel? Do you look back on your mission? And is it painful? Is it? What's your thoughts now?
Jesse
20:17
Yeah, it was for the longest time. I mean, I'm 37. Now I went, I went a year and a half, two years late. So 19.. 20, I was 21, when I went on a mission, you know, so it's been 16 years, 16 or 17 years. And really, for the better part of a decade, it wasn't really until about you and I got married maybe a year into marriage. It was it was hard, I'd cry at night, when I would think about it. If they were talking about missionary service and conference or returned missionary came home, occasionally I'd be driving and see the elders and or sisters on the road. And, and I'd break down because in my heart of hearts, I knew that, that I had kind of a baseball analogy. I mean, I, I dropped the ball, you know, I had an incredible opportunity. And it was my choice. It wasn't anybody else's. It was my choice. And that was really, really difficult. But the best part about that is when I really, and this kind of comes full circle with this podcast, you know, after my addiction, I got into recovery and came back to the church. That's when I realized that like, I am okay, and the Lord has forgiven me. And I was the one who had to forgive myself. The Lord had done that, years and years ago. And now the Lord has transformed it into something that, you know, I just saw the missionaries leaving the carwash an hour ago, saw the two elders pulling into the church. And I was like, so happy to see him, give them two big thumbs up, always honk at them. And like, I look back on my memories, now of my mission, and I cherish the experiences that I did have, and the people that I did meet. And it's a strength, for sure. But it'll be with me for the rest of my life that that I didn't serve a full-time mission.
Ashly Stone
22:10
What advice would you give to somebody that maybe feels judged because they came home early? Or because they chose not to serve a mission, even though they still love the church?
Jesse
22:23
Yeah. That that's a great question. Because no matter what, like, you can be a good person, you can be a great person and not serve a mission, you can be a great person and get sent home from a mission. What we have done, the choices we make, or have made, don't have to define us. President Nielsen just released an incredible post on social media about tags, labels, labels, and the labels we place on ourselves and others. And the ones that really matter and that are import are that we are children of Heavenly Father, we are children, spirit children of God, and our brother is Jesus Christ. And that is what is truly important, however, as much as I feel that I have been forgiven, I will live the rest of my life wishing that I could have that final year on my mission. Because it was the greatest experience. It was the greatest one year of my life as a single individual before having children. It was the greatest opportunity I had. And at that time, I was given the ability and the mantle, I was blessed with that, to be able to serve and be the hands of God and to serve his children and to see them in a way that Heavenly Father sees them. And that was an incredible, incredible gift. And I would give about anything to go back and finish my mission. And anybody who, who has come home, if you have the choice, go back. Put your selfish needs aside and go back. You won't regret that decision. I know that for certain. And if you're not going to go on a mission that's okay. But the opportunity is incredible. And it will change you not only in this life, but in in the eternities. And, and I only get half of that change.
Ashly Stone
24:47
Tell me a little bit about what your life was like and
Jesse
24:51
In athletics. And so when I got back from my mission when I when I was sent home, coach a little bit from Dixie at the time I reached out to me and said, Hey, Jesse, you know, what are your plans, you know, we'd love to have you back if, if you're planning on staying home and I said, I am going to have an operation on my shoulder, I need to get it into good health. And that's when I really got into drugs and alcohol the doctor had given me are into drugs, excuse me. The doctor had given me a morphine pump. It was fanny pack for crying out loud. I have this operation. Up in Davis County, my families in St. George, I go to live with one of my best friends for really just a few months during rehab, physical rehab on my shoulder. I'm in a sling and the doctor gives me a pump with an IV into my, into my arm, he says, okay, anytime you're feeling pain, push this button. Okay. That's really neat. And I remember sitting down in his basement, watching some TV and my shoulder started to ache. And I remember I pushed the button, it was like, almost instantly, just this rush, this feeling and this numbness calmness flooded, my entire body and was like, oh my gosh, the pains gone. And now I actually have some type of desire to, I think I may want to go clean my room, or write a letter, you know, it was it was interesting what it did to my body and my mind. This morphine and, and long story short, I started to push that button 10 times an hour, 20 times an hour. And I ran out of that morphine in two to three days, I called the doctor and said, hey, man, my shoulder just really been hurting me. That's what I was telling myself. But really, I like the feeling that the morphine gave me, he's like, oh, not a problem, we'll come replace it and give you a couple of extras. So it was like man, Christmas came early, I had a bunch of bottles of morphine to hook onto a fanny pack that I could take with me to the grocery store. That's like, this is incredible. And, and I started using that morphine every day was when I woke up when I went to bed after lunch before dinner. It was just it was a constant. And what I didn't recognize at the time, was it was a different addiction than alcohol. Alcohol became this, this real interesting social addiction. Morphine as opium became this, this mental addiction, where it became, it was much deeper. This was something I would do in in the quiet of my bedroom, you know, not just going out to a party for the weekend or hanging out on Saturdays. This was something that man to get up and get out of bed to brush my teeth. I needed to hit that morphine pump a couple times. And so, I didn't recognize what that was doing to me. And it happened super-fast. I think it was two weeks, two and a half weeks. And I finally run out of my supply of morphine. Doctor says, hey, unfortunately, we can’t fill any more of these, you know, stick to ibuprofen and Tylenol. And it's like, okay, cool. Yeah, but doing that since I was a little kid, not a problem. And I started taking ibuprofen and Tylenol, I think for one day at most, woke up the next morning, puking my guts out shivering shakes. In the worst depression I'd ever felt in my life. And I didn't know what was going on. I'd never had experienced this type of pain, emotionally, physically, mentally, never. And, and a friend of mine at the time, had come by and had a back surgery. He says, oh, hey, man, well, I've got some of this medication for my back. It's oxy cotton, you should try some of this. And that's when everything changed. I turned to OxyContin and he told me what I was experiencing was withdrawals from the medication. And at that point, the claws were so deep in me that I could not get away from that, that opiate addiction and it went on for about two years. But it started in about a month and a half to two months. I couldn't afford oxycontin I couldn't get morphine and found out heroin I could get for 10 bucks. downtown Salt Lake. So, I started using heroin. Okay, so I've been using heroin for seven years, and I was using heroin and oxycontin turned to methamphetamine, cocaine and, and it the consequences of these choices started to take hold. I lost my scholarship, the baseball team, got kicked out of my house, got kicked out of my sibling’s houses was arrested, went to jail and lost everything. Absolutely lost everything and realized that the pain they say this a lot in recovery, that the pain of the solution or the pain of the problem became greater than the pain of the solution, which is really painful, to be honest with yourself have to go through the core honest process withdrawals, rehab detox, but the pain of the problem did become far greater than the pain of the solution at this point.
Ashly Stone
30:21
Okay, so your life is in shambles. What was it that turned things around? And what was it that really made you make a change?
Jesse
30:37
So, I've been to multiple rehabs. I've been this point really before I had finally gotten clean. The first rehab I went to was just some it was so ghetto. I won't say the name of it, but it was scary. But the gift in this place and how raw it was and how primitive. I was living in a drug house on campus in southern Utah. And the day, I committed to going into rehab I, my parents took me to the baseball field, and I went in and told my baseball coach to pull the team together. And bawling my eyes out, I went and told the entire baseball team that I was a drug addict, and that I had a drug addiction and that I was pulling myself off the baseball team dropping out of school giving up my scholarship and going into rehab. Midseason, I'm the starting centerfielder from the national championship team, and this was this was hard. There were a lot of tears shed. And that was that was an incredibly difficult day. took about two hours to get to rehab. During my intake. A drug enforcement officer called my parents and at that time, the individual doing the intake at the treatment center said, Mr. Stone, let me speak with this, this individual and they essentially said, look, we cannot confirm or deny if Mr. Stone is here, because at that point, I just admitted myself in a treatment literally minutes into my admission into rehab. I had become protected by these HIPAA laws, and I wasn't on site. I didn't have access to these drugs. It was a felony, the amount of drugs we had in this house, and I was protected. I truly believe that the Lord protected me from that. Because I don't know that I wouldn't have survived prison. I'm a big softy. I really am. But I've gone into rehab and ended up meeting one of my favorite families on Earth to this day I just I cherish and love them and have communication in contact with them but their sheep and turkey farming family up in this small community. They showed me what love of the Savior was, and tough love. And I ended up relapsing there and treatment came back said that I had gotten healed, went into baseball, didn't get healed, lost, lost my scholarship got kicked off the baseball team went to another treatment center. I was there for a week told my parents I was healed. And drug addicts are great liars. And we didn't we didn't know I mean; my family didn't know we didn't know what addiction was at this time. We were just getting into it. And at that point was when we really started to understand what addiction was. And my parents became missionaries for the LDS 12 STEP program. That's where you and I met. I've got my 12 Step manual. Still somewhere around here with your numbers says ash Bart, I circled it in clouds with a smiley face. And I remember I got your number and I’m like man this chick is smokin'. You know, like, who would have thought I met my future eternal companion in a LDS 12 Step meeting. Pretty, pretty fortunate.
Ashly Stone
33:53
I was 18 at the time, and Jesse was 23. And I don't know what I was doing at that meeting. I was, you know, in the midst of all of my partying and I was like, left the meeting when hung out and partied with my friends.
Jesse
Went and got high after for sure.
Ashly Stone
Yeah, it was just like the Lord put us in that meeting to meet. And that's the only time we met.
Jesse
34:18
We lived a couple blocks away from each other.
Ashly Stone
34:21
Had all the same partying friends. And that was the only time our paths crossed. And then five years later, is when we reconnected after we were both sober and
Jesse
34:34
Yeah, just gotten sober and again. So, kind of going back to your question. I don't think that it was one scenario. There was one situation that really kind of helped. But it was it was a decade of pain and suffering and loss and tragedy and near-death experiences on multiple occasions. You know, there was an occasion I was jumped by 10 drug dealers that their intent was to kill me. Because I had robbed them of their drugs and their money. And I remember I hid in a sewer drain for three hours in the middle of the night, as they searched back and forth right above me and their jeeps, I could hear their plan. And I prayed in sewer gunk for three hours, begging Heavenly Father to protect me and to save my life. And he did. And it was multiple scenarios and situations that really, I think, finally humbled me enough to say, you know what, Jesse, like, you can't do this on your own. You really, you really need help. And I tried help I try to help from professionals from doctors from rehabs from psychologists. And, and I wasn't getting the help that I needed. And finally, I was I was arrested and facing some serious jail time at this point. For theft, I would steal and pawn things off so that I could get money for drugs. And, you know, incredible, incredible friends of mine, Morrison and Christie. They called the police on me, and I am forever grateful. I'll never forget that night in their house getting arrested, showing up the police were there both my parents, and I was arrested and sent to jail. And I was facing some pretty serious time I was in jail for a week, withdrawing from drugs, meth, methamphetamine, cocaine and heroin. And I remember the judge looked at me and he says, Jesse says, this is your last chance. I feel I need to give you one more chance. And this is it. I hope you do something with your life. And, and I was ready. I remember my dad was in there. And before I went to meet with the judge, it's interesting. I was in orange jumpsuit with I don't know why they have chains on me. But I had chains around my ankles and my waist in my hands like handcuffs like, dude. I'm a boy scout. Like, I served a mission, how could I be in this situation. I remember turning around my dad and I said, don't bail me out. Whatever you do, don't bail me out. Because I didn't know what was going to happen. But I was ready. I think I was finally ready. Judge let me go. And I remember I left jail that afternoon. It was May 12th and I remember because it was snowing like crazy. And if anybody knows me, they know that I love the snow like love it. And that was a little message that was a little tender mercy to me, or I knew that Heavenly Father was thinking about me. And that things were going to be okay. And that's what did it. I lost my membership in the church. I wasn't excommunicated in the church. But I was disfellowshipped I couldn't hold a calling I couldn't. I couldn't pray in church hold a calling serve in any formal capacities, at least. And that was really hard because I loved the church. I loved the gospel. And it was that first rehab, with my friends, the Jorgensons, he was actually the father, Todd was the bishop who, during that council, I lost fellowship and, in the church, and that was really hard. And I was disfellowshipped for I think six years, seven years. And then it was my young single adult Bishop there and Midway that that really helped me back and I was able to become fellowshipped again and regain my temple blessings. So
Ashly Stone
38:59
Are there any specific experiences that you have had in your life or since you've got sober specifically that you use as kind of an anchor for your testimony?
Jesse
39:12
Yeah, yeah, I think I think there's lots of them. You know, none of them are. I think looking at them through a different lens through the lens of somebody who is hearing the story. It may seem just super profound, but when it happened, these circumstances happen. They were pretty. They were very calm and comforting. They weren't profound, angelic visitations. But they were small and simple. Blessings and tender mercies that happened. That showed me that. Yeah, Heavenly Father is in the details. Now things aren't always super good. Right, they get really, really hard. But I have countless examples that that I record and that I've kept record up that I can share with my children one day and have situations where the Lord has blessed me. And I saw God in the details. And, and I knew that it was God because the Spirit witnessed to me and told me that what was happening was from Heavenly Father. And I mean, one of my favorite scriptures on this is witnessing, you know, we're always about to hide up these records because everybody's so wicked. And he says, And when you shall receive these things, you know, he's speaking about the scriptures here, but I look at it is when you receive scenarios and situations in life that are difficult or hard or questionable. When you shall read these things, if it'd be wisdom that you should read them. Remember how merciful the Lord hath been unto the children of men from the creation of Adam, until the time you will receive them, look how merciful has been forever. And he says, if you ask with a sincere heart, with real intent, having faith in Christ, he will manifest the truth of it unto you by the power of the Holy Ghost. That's how I’ve understood things that, yeah, I've learned through primary and Sunday school and priesthood, and sack sacrament meetings and general conference I've learned and been taught, but I've never once taken the advice of, of my parents or prophets, it's always been a message that I felt it like, I could feel that it was true, and that it was right. And that's how I made my choices. I'll walk into a room and if I feel comfortable, open the next door. And if I feel comfortable there, I'll open the next door and see what's in the next room. And if I feel uncomfortable, I take a step back, course correct, and redirect. But the one that really stands out to me is verse five, and says, you know, the end of verse four and he says, He will manifest the truth of it unto you by the power of the Holy Ghost, not by man, not by the words in the scriptures, but by the power of the Holy Ghost. And in verse five, and by the power of the Holy Ghost, Ye may know the truth of all things. And I take that very literal. Do I know all things? No, I may pretend that I do at times,
Ashly Stone
42:39
He does, he pretends that he knows it all
Jesse
42:43
Yeah, I’ve got problems, you know, still working on it. But I believe with all of my heart, that the Holy Ghost can teach us the truth of all things. If we are humble, and we ask, now, I'm not going to come here and give you a dissertation on the creation in the fall of Adam and Eve, I can't do that. I'm not that smart. But if somebody tells me that story, or I read it, I feel the power of the Holy Ghost. And I know, without question, it is true.
Ashly Stone
43:17
What would you say to people that struggle feeling the spirit, or they don't have that same witness that you have? And, you know, they maybe want to feel the spirit in that way, but they just don't? What would you say to them? And what advice would you give?
Jesse
43:33
Oh, man, I'm thinking of my best friend Chase, right? You know, he's, he's not gonna quote any scripture, probably not gonna see him at church on Sunday. He's probably getting a tattoo right now. And the greatest dude on Earth. We, he was my sponsor, is my sponsor, and will be my best friend until the day I die. But when I first got into recovery, I didn't know what to do. I didn't know if I was going to make it. I actually had a couple instances where I was looking to relapse. And I actually ended up meeting President Uchtdorf and his wife at the time on a golf course and received a really sacred special moment with them where the Lord really, really stepped in and helped me but Chase ride I remember sitting on these the rocks of Deer Creek Reservoir and Midway, Utah fishing, that's always kind of been one of my pastimes. And for the first 35 days of recovery, I remember because I started counting, I didn't catch a fish. And I was upset. I was like, Heavenly Father. I need to catch a fish. Because I'm sad. And I'm hurting right now. This is not easy for me, help me catch a fish, please. And I couldn't catch a fish. And it was it was every night I was with Chase in my early recovery. And the thing this kid just kept saying was Jesse, just keep casting. Just keep casting. And I'll repeat that over and over and over again, keep casting, keep casting, I knew fish were there. I had seen them before; I'd caught fish before. But in the moment, I was struggling, and I wasn't catching fish. And so, the some of the greatest wisdom and advice and counsel of my life was to keep casting. And so, to people who may not be feeling the spirit, or not necessarily understanding where to find it, I would just say, keep casting, keep trying, don't give up. Heavenly Father is there, and he is waiting with open arms. And we don't always understand his timeline. Sometimes it takes time. Sometimes it takes 35 days to catch a fish, it may take a few years, but he is always there. And he is waiting. And if we are patient, and we trust in his timeline, there will come a day where we will recognize that he has been there the entire time, and we will feel it. But it's going to be small, and it's gonna come in small increments.
Ashly Stone
46:17
That is so beautiful. And Chase right is the most incredible person and his wife, Tara, we love them. Okay, well, this has been so good. And I have heard your story many, many times. But I don't know. I always love hearing it.
Jesse
46:38
It’s been fun.
Ashly Stone
It has been fun.
Jesse
Spoken in stake conference and haven't been as nervous for that as I was for this podcast. This is great. Thank you for the opportunity.
Ashly Stone
46:45
Yeah, of course, I think that, you know, for anyone that knows Jesse, he's one of the most spiritual people. And it's really cool to be his wife. Because,
Jesse
Oh, shucks.
Ashly Stone
I you know, I just, it's really special to be able to align with somebody spiritually in that way. And I'm grateful for that. But yeah, any last thoughts before we wrap up?
Jesse
47:19
Yeah, I think anybody who's listening, the hope is that you can take the message that, that I've tried to share and that Ashly is so eloquently assisted with and is helping provide in this podcast is that no matter what you've done, or where you're at in your life, what you're doing, just know that, that you have a heavenly Father that loves you more than you can comprehend. I've been fortunate to have two children, three children, actually one who passed away at birth, that I've been given a glimpse into what Heavenly Father sees us. And that's just from a temporal, imperfect mind. And I know how much I love my children. And so, know that Heavenly Father loves you. And that you have an older brother, Jesus Christ that gave up his life for you. And not just for what you've done, but for what you're doing now that may be wrong and what you're going to do because you're going to continue to make mistakes. One of my favorite quotes, I've got a bunch of favorite quotes
Ashly Stone
48:31
You do, a library.
Jesse
48:33
Rocky Balboa, it's not about how hard you hit. It's about how hard you can get hit, and keep moving forward, how much you can take, and keep moving forward. That's how winning is done. End of quote, No matter what your dream in life, no matter what your goal is, keep your eye upon the doughnut and not upon the hole. Stay positive. Love yourself. Look at the bright side, look at the silver lining. Be happy, stay happy. Life is hard. And it's always going to be hard. But the Lord is there to help lift us up and help bear our burdens and he will reach our reaching. And if you trust that, just like I was saying about my buddy Chase, just keep casting. Just don't give up. Don't ever, ever, ever give up.
Ashly Stone
49:25
Awesome. Thank you so much for being on my podcast.
Jesse
49:27
Thank you. I love you.
Ashly Stone
I love you.
