Preston shares his story of overcoming addiction, coming back to God, and going on to run a treatment center based on gospel principals.
"It starts in the quiet moments. When you are in the quiet moments and you feel like something is missing.. and you start remembering what life was like when you had the spirit with you and you had that natural joy. I think the world is really good at distracting us, and we can stay busy most of the time if we really want to. But the things that are significant, the things that really help us align with our purpose & values, and bring us fulfillment, aren’t from this world."
"I asked God if he knew who I was and if he cared about me. I got on my knees to pray and I had this overwhelming feeling of a spiritual warm blanket, hugged me. I felt God’s love. After that experience, I felt different. I had hope again. I knew God really was there. It was life changing."
Transcription
ASHLY
00:14
Okay, Preston, I am so pumped that we are finally doing your podcast. First of all, I would not have done this podcast if it wasn't for you. It was this idea floating in my mind for a long time. And then when I saw you at the conference, I knew it needed to happen. I don't know. I'm super grateful that we ran into each other and talked about it because it would have never come to be had I not ran into you and talked about it.
PRESTON
00:51
Well, I remember when you were telling me about it. I had goosebumps, thinking, “This is so cool. Why isn't there a podcast like this?” because my story is not unique at all, you know? I have worked in recovery for a lot of years, and been in recovery a lot of years, and I’ve just met so many guys and women who have very similar stories. And that's how I got sober is when I heard stories from guys who had been in my shoes. But yet, they had that light in their eyes that I wanted, that I recognized. They seemed happy and I wasn't happy. So it kind of gave me hope. Like, “Okay, I can do this. You can recover, you can get better.” So, when you told me about it, I thought, “Yeah, this is so cool. You gotta do it.” So yeah, I'm glad. I'm glad we had that conversation for sure.
ASHLY
01:40
Yes, me too. So okay, let's kind of start at the beginning. What were your early years like? Did you have a testimony at a young age? What did that look like?
PRESTON
01:53
So, yeah, I grew up in the Church. Awesome family. I think, in Utah, growing up, the church was, we went pretty much every Sunday. I played soccer growing up, I'm the oldest of five kids. And I had just a pretty normal family for the most part. We had a lot of emotional constipation, I think, in our family. We had a therapist when my brother was in treatment. The therapist told my parents that we were probably one of the most emotionally constipated families that she had ever worked with.
ASHLY
I love that term!
PRESTON
Yeah, that my dad's dad was an alcoholic. Mom's dad was in the military. Yeah, just my parents didn't have the emotional IQ that I think your average parent has, but they still can connect well, just, I think it's maybe part of a cultural thing, after thinking about this a lot and talking to other people and sharing my story and kind of processing it a bit. As a culture, we kind of put on this persona of perfectionism. Especially I think in our in our LDS culture, everything's gotta look okay, if you got a problem, maybe just don't talk about it. It’s just maybe part of the culture, but at least in our family, it was more so I think with our family just emotionally then talk about kind of maybe how we felt if we're having a bad day. I remember my mom, if I came home from school, if I was mad about something, she'd say, “Let it go, like water off a duck's back” type of attitude. “Just roll with the punches.” So as a kid, I just kind of learned to not talk about my emotions very much. And which probably kind of led to a lot of different things. But yeah, that's kind of kind of how I grew up. As far as getting into trouble, that started pretty early in life. I kind of liked going against the grain a little bit. Me and my brother Tyson were kind of partners in crime. We both kind of liked doing things for an adrenaline rush. And so we kind of started getting in trouble as kids a little bit, and then it slowly got worse. But yeah, that's kind of where things started for the most part.
ASHLY
04:22
Do you feel like you had a testimony at a young age?
PRESTON
No, I did, actually. I for sure did. I learned to pray, and would pray as a kid, and I felt like I learned to recognize the Spirit at a young age. And so I for sure had a testimony, but it was never really tested until I started going through some real trials. I think that faith is having hope, and it's not really a perfect knowledge of things. And so I for sure had the hope, but it didn't get strengthened until I had to start asking the right questions.
ASHLY
Mmhmm. Totally. So what kind of led to your darkest place? Or where you kind of hit your rock bottom? What did that look like?
PRESTON
05:24
So, what kind of led me there is I think that the adversary is really masterful. Kind of like that analogy, if you put a frog in a warm pot, and you slowly turn it up, he's not going to jump out. He’s going to like it, it feels warm. And pretty soon he's cooked. If you throw him in a hot pot, it's going to really jump out. So, you know, it kind of started just making bad decisions, just small and justifying them and rationalizing them, like, “Oh, I could do this,” or “I can do that,” or “This isn't that bad” and then I had a girlfriend. So I started doing things with her and justifying and rationalizing and then didn't make the soccer team, still thought I wasn't good enough. And I loved soccer growing up, that's why I threw that in there. Because after that, I kind of had to start making different friends. Some of my friends went on to play soccer. There was a little bit of a hole there that used to be filled with soccer that was no longer there. So, what do I do for fun now? So then I started drinking. I remember my friends, got home, brought some Bacardi Silvers over and I thought, “Hey, this isn't really alcohol.” It's like, yes. It's like, “It's not it's not a beer. It's a Bacardi. It's like a fruit drink,” type of thing. I said, “Okay, I'll try that,” and before I know it, I was kind of down this little rabbit hole that I kind of liked. It was kind of exciting. And it was, it was so controversial to me, because when I drank, I felt “good enough.” I felt “okay,” like I was enough, and so it was really easy to rationalize it for a while. But I kind of knew–there's that cognitive dissonance, right? It's like, “Okay, well, I probably shouldn't be doing this. It's against my values, it’s against the church,” but no one ever told me, it makes me feel better. I always heard these stories, “Oh, if you're an alcoholic, you're going to be homeless, down under the bridge” type of thing. And so I continue to do these different things. And the same thing happened with pain pills. You get your wisdom teeth out, you take pain pills, “Oh, this is really cool.” And one thing leads to another, to where what happened to me, it got to the point where I was waking up withdrawing. Then I had to take more, and then it turned into harder drugs because I couldn't buy pills. And then it turned into, “Oh my gosh, I don't even like the guy looking back in the mirror anymore.”
ASHLY
Mmhmm.
PRESTON
I don't trust him. And I’m in this complete state of having suicidal thoughts, “I can't do this life thing, this sucks.” Then I'm trying to use just to feel normal.
ASHLY
Right.
PRESTON
And so that's when it got real bad. And then my brother was using right along with me, and we've been such huge supports with each other in recovery, but it's just kind of how things worked out. And I didn't start asking the right questions until I was waking up in the morning and I had this huge– I call it a “God-shaped hole” now that I was trying to fill with all these other things, drugs and alcohol. And I was emotionally and spiritually disconnected at the time, more than anything, but I didn't recognize it back then. When you're in that state of mind, from a biological standpoint, I didn’t realize that my midbrain was really running the show, and the prefrontal cortex, and that helps manage your emotions and your thinking. You know, you're really not thinking clearly, when I was at that point in my life. But I started asking the right questions. And, I got to the point where I was really scared about my brother's life. We were both doing heroin and cocaine, and he always used a little bit more than I was. He was a little bit crazy, and I've always been a little bit more cautious. And then we had, within a month, two friends overdose. One friend, and another person I knew of, and so it started getting kind of real. And so I finally decided to get honest with my parents, because they knew what was going on,
ASHLY
Mmhmm.
PRESTON
but they didn't really know. I mean, we've lost a lot of weight, we couldn’t hold a job and you know, just not doing well.
ASHLY
How old were you during this time?
PRESTON
I was 20 at this point. I was 20 years old, Tyson was 18, or just turning 19. We’re 18 months apart. So we weren't doing good. Looking back at that point, I didn’t really care about me, I just knew that if something happened to my brother that I wouldn't be able to forgive myself. And so it's like, I need to get honest. So I told Mom and Dad, and within 24 hours, we're on the way to detox. I went to detox. I went to the Ark of Little Cottonwood. March 16 of 2006 is when I checked in there, and Tyson went to another treatment center. After he kind of came out of detox coma, he escaped and then stole a friend's car and came to rescue me from rehab.
[Preston and Ashly laugh together]
I never showed up, they did a whole lock down thing. But anyway, Ty went through another program before he got sobered up for good. But yeah, that's the story of how I got into treatment. And when I was in treatment, I had some really cool experiences as well.
ASHLY
10:59
Yeah. So before we go into that, tell me what your parents were thinking. Your parents are good people, they’re religious, what did they think? And I'm also curious to know, did they ever feel judged? They've got these two sons that are going crazy? What was that like?
PRESTON
11:22
A few years after we got into recovery, my mom told me that night after we told them, she was so scared. She said she was shaking at the keyboard, trying to find a place for us to go. I get emotional thinking about it now, because I'm a parent now. My parents, I'm sure they went through a lot, and scared to death, like their sons are probably going to die. And that's where the people in detox told them. They said, “Oh, yeah, chances are one of your kids aren't going to make it.” They scared them. So, because we tried to convince them like, “Yeah, Mom, we just needed to detox then, we're good. We don't need to go to rehab.” And we were pretty good at manipulating our parents. So they, the detox people, thankfully did a good enough job to say, “Hey, your kids need to get into a program.” But yeah, to answer your question, they went through that. We put them through the wringer. Me and my dad's relationship, and my dad and Ty, our relationships with our parents were not good, especially with Dad. We could roll over my mom, and manipulate her. She was kind of a codependent mom. Dad was the one trying to set boundaries and lay the law, and we bumped heads pretty good. We're best friends today, but at that point in time, we did not get along well. After we got into treatment, we were fortunate enough for them to actually take a suggestion and go to the family program. So at the Ark that I was at, they had a family program where you could once a month get together, talk about boundaries and codependency, what that looks like. Different things that can help them understand what we were going through and how our relationships can work. And then we'd have process groups. I was lucky enough for them to actually get involved. As a treatment center owner now, we have a family program. Oddly enough, my parents are in charge of that.
ASHLY
That’s so nice.
PRESTON
My mom actually went back to school. So yeah, she's an LMFT now. And my dad, he's retired, and where he finds fulfilment is calling every one of these family members, invites them to family groups. So to see that come full circle is just so cool. Just so cool.
ASHLY
Mmhmm.
PRESTON
But yeah, our family has been through a journey for sure. I don't know if–hopefully I’d be sober still today, but just the fact then to see them get involved, when I got out of treatment, having a dialogue where I could be honest with them and also have accountability, but have a have a relationship that’s honest, where we can talk through things, it was a huge help for my recovery. Just to be able to have that communication, and to have them, actually set really, really good boundaries and have conversations like, “Hey, we're going to support you in recovery. We can’t support your addiction. This is what we will do to help you, and this is what we won't do.” It was very healthy for me in early recovery to have that.
ASHLY
14:43
So tell me a little bit about your relationship with your wife and what that has been like, especially with the church, with your recovery, how you guys met, where you're at now, all that.
PRESTON
14:56
Love that. Yeah, so after I got out of treatment, I dated a few girls and then met my wife. I actually briefly knew her in college. She dated a guy who I had met, he was more of an acquaintance, but his best friend was one of my really good friends. So I'd met her before at a few parties and started dating her and just fell in love instantly with her. We were like soulmates, we kind of knew from the beginning once we started getting to really know each other. And I had just such a good connection, and met her family. I love her family, just the best parents ever. At that time, I was starting to go back to church. I was at a point in my recovery where I wanted to be more active. Because when I got into treatment, I had a lot of shame, a lot of “undiagnosed shame” I like to call it. I had to work through a lot of things. And so when I started dating her, it was kind of at that point I was going back to church, and her parents actually had fallen away from church at that point for a while. And so she hadn’t been active in five or six years really, either. So it's like, “Hey, let's go back to church and see what that looks like.” And then we got married, and then we got married in the temple. And yeah, it was just a really cool journey to get back involved with a different kind of perspective. It's interesting, I remember going to Elders Quorum, and the first thing they ask when you have a new person in the ward, or whatever was, “Where did you go on your mission?” That's always one of the questions. And it was always one of those fears, like, “Oh, they're gonna ask that,” and I was in rehab, and so it was always hard for me to kind of get vulnerable and open up about that, but it was cool to actually just be myself, and just open up about how I went in treatment, and I'm in recovery now, and yada, yada, yada, and, and then just cool things started happening where the bishop would have me speak at the fifth Sunday. I’d speak, and then have people come up to me after and say, “Oh, I've got a son who is struggling” or “My husband is struggling, can you talk with him?” So it's kind of been a platform for service that gives me some really cool opportunities to just be helpful. And I find a lot of fulfillment in that and doing that, like you do, and I think that's kind of what this whole podcast is all about, just reaching out, because there were those people that reached out to us. And those people are my heroes today.
ASHLY
Yeah.
PRESTON
When I first got in recovery and started getting in relationships with people that could open up to me, and I realized that I wasn't this person that should be in hell, that I had hoped I could work through things. Like that's pretty cool.
ASHLY
18:09
It's almost like you're able to have a mission even though it's not officially a mission. It's like your mission wasn't putting a name tag on, but your mission is so incredible. So you started or own the Renaissance Ranch, tell us how that all came to be. How long were you sober? How did that all come to be? All the things.
PRESTON
18:38
Yeah. So I'll tell you that. So when I got out of the Ark, I started going to different local Alcoholics Anonymous meetings. And there are guys that I started to get to know that were from Renaissance Ranch, and they've always had a good brand. A good name. And then when Tyson had a relapse, this was I think, in 2008. Yeah, I was living in Nevada at the time. I flew home, and basically wouldn't leave him alone until he checked into the ranch. So I was the most codependent brother ever.
ASHLY
Yeah.
PRESTON
So he checked into the ranch and, and he was ready. He really wanted to take his recovery to another level, so he went to the ranch and did really well. And then he got out and after he was sober two years, maybe it was about three or so, he wanted to start an outpatient program, and Renaissance Ranch was just a residential at the time. So he started the outpatient program and started doing really well. And I was working with my dad at a company, and sold the company. So I was out of a job, and started having conversations. “Hey, what if we bought Renaissance Ranch and you could be the executive director there?” yada yada yada. And it was kind of a cool thing because the previous owner had dreams, or in a way he didn't really want to sell it but after the conversation felt really good about it. So we bought it In 2014, and then merged the companies, Tyson had his company and the ranch. And so in 2014, we merged everything together. And we've been running it since 2014.
ASHLY
20:25
And it's cool because my husband went to Renaissance Ranch.
PRESTON
Yeah!
ASHLY
And so I've always felt connected to what you guys do, because number one, my husband went there. And number two, I love that you guys have gospel principles incorporated into your program. And I think, I mean, for my work, I work with thousands of treatment centers, I'm talking to them all the time. And that's something unique that I've never found. And I love that so much. And it's just something that I think, when you mentioned the God-shaped hole
PRESTON
Yeah.
ASHLY
that you had, I just, I think it's really special what you guys are doing, and I love your program, and you and Tyson are obviously the best.
PRESTON
21:17
I can't take too much credit, I'll tell you, some of our clinicians have been there but before we bought the program. I mean, most– I would say every person but maybe one or two that I'm thinking of are either alumni at the ranch or they're in recovery. It's just the culture there has been ongoing since before we even bought it. The cool thing is we have these alumni events every quarter, every three months. And we still have alumni that have been through a program years ago show up to those. And we had over 100 people, we rent out these giant VRBO's, and we just have a blast. So it's just all about the connection piece. You know, guys get out of treatment. They're part of a community that is already established, and they've got support. If they need a job, we've got alumni who own businesses, we own businesses that they can work at. And I mean, they show up in each other's weddings. It's just like, it's your community.
ASHLY
Yeah, it’s family.
PRESTON
Yeah. Yeah, alumni is everything, for sure.
ASHLY
22:13
Awesome. So I have a few questions from some folks on my Instagram page, and they have questions for people who have come back to the church. So hopefully, you're ready to answer a few questions. So one person asked, “What are the very first baby steps for you, for coming back?” Like, what were the baby steps, the first ones?
PRESTON
22:39
Getting over myself, I think. For me, at least, when I was wanting to come back to the church, it starts in the quiet moments, right? When you're in those quiet moments, and you're feeling like something's missing. Like you're remembering what life was like, when you had the Spirit with you, or when you were just having that natural joy. And I think the world's really good at distracting us. We've got Netflix, we've got games we've got … there's so many different things that can distract us. So we can stay busy most of the time if we really wanted to. But the things that are significant, the things that really help us align with our purpose, and our values, and the things that really bring us fulfillment aren't from this world. And so when you're in those quiet moments, for me, at least it was like, “Okay, well, I'm obviously not happy,” or, “I'm not as happy as I'd like to be.” And so let's work on that–getting over myself. I think I was always hitting myself over the head with this shame bat, these feelings of unworthiness. And what's interesting is I teach a Psychology education group at the ranch every Tuesday morning with our guys, our clients. And I have a group that I do on awareness. And I always have the guys put their heads down. And I asked them, “Hey, by the raise of hands,” I have them keep their eyes closed, “how many of you guys feel like maybe you just don't measure up, or you don't feel good enough? You just have those kinds of feelings sometimes, like you're just not good enough.” And then I have everyone open their eyes. And every time without fail every hand is up. Because when we're in our addiction, a lot of times we're just trying to feel good enough, we're just trying to feel like we measure up, and I think the adversary is really good at making us feel less-than. At least that's been my experience. And it's been reestablished every time I do that group. And so, to answer your question, I think just being able to realize that we are enough and that we are worthy.
There was a Brother that happened to come to this earth and the Atonement is real. And He took upon those things so we can move forward and I think that's what grace is all about– being able to just get over that. And so I think that was for me the biggest thing, is once I can say, “Okay, I can get over that.” I am perfectly imperfect because I was built that way.
ASHLY
Right.
PRESTON
I don't have to be perfect to show up.
ASHLY
Yep.
PRESTON
I think once I caught on to that concept, it was easy. I could show up, I could be me. And when I’m me, with all of me, even with my mistakes and things I've done, I can move on, and I can inspire others to do the same. And that's, I think, part of my mission today.
ASHLY
No, that's so awesome. That is amazing. Okay, let's see. How can a parent help a child who is away from the church without making them feel judged? You work with a lot of parents …
PRESTON
25:52
Stop sending them texts and emails with the prophet talks and all that.
ASHLY
Yeah, I mean, my, we should pull my mom on for this one. No. So when I was in my addiction, or just completely off the rails, my mom would always send me church talks. For her, it's her trying to help, right? But for me, it's like, my thoughts were, “She must not think I'm doing well. Why would she be sending me these? She must think I'm a sinner,” you know what I mean? It's like, it could have been my view that was distorted. But I've worked in this industry for a long time, so I've had this conversation many, many times with a lot of other guys. And that's a pretty common thread that I've heard is, it kind of helps drive the shame when parents are always talking about those things. That's how it was with me, they’d always bring up different things to kind of see how I was doing. If I'm talking to the parents, I’d say, “You kind of have to back off a little bit.”
ASHLY
Yeah.
PRESTON
Have conversations that don't involve the church every time. That might have been just with my family, because every time my mom would talk to me, it had something to do with the church or the prophet or something with the LDS culture–every time. And so I couldn't have a real conversation with her. And so that's just maybe, partly my family's insecurities.
ASHLY
27:31
I would think it's pretty common, because my dad, who I love dearly, he's amazing. And I love his testimony. I cherish his testimony. It's part of why my testimony is what it is. But I mean, he's pretty similar. I know that there's people in my family that feel that way. But I know he does it because the gospel makes him so happy. So I feel so much for the parents in this situation–the church brings them so much joy and happiness that they want that for their kids. And as a mother, I can resonate with that. It's something I'm so passionate about, and I want my kids to experience that. So I think it's such great advice for you to bring that up. Because it really is the yearning of our heart to have those close to us experience the joy of the gospel. But like, when you're in that situation, we do kind of need to back off a little bit.
PRESTON
28:35
I think yeah, obviously, Mom probably wrote that question, “What do we say, how do we talk to them about it?” And there's no right answer, I'll tell you that. But what I've seen help is when they try to have honest conversations. My mom would never tell me how she felt, and if she had an honest conversation and told me that she was scared, or that she was staying up till three in the morning, because she didn't know if I was alive. If she had honest conversations with me and emotionally expressed what she was feeling, I would have been able to connect with her.
ASHLY
Right.
PRESTON
It would have been hard, it would’ve sucked, but I think sometimes parents try to protect their kids too much. Especially in today's age. I have a saying that I learned from Kris Groves, she used to be one of our best therapists ever. She's got her own private practice now. She's amazing. But she'd always say to parents, “Let go and let God.” Sometimes you just have to trust God. Sometimes, you gotta set a boundary, even though it sucks. Your kid’s using heroin in your basement? You got to kick them out.
ASHLY
Yep.
PRESTON
Even though that sucks. Most kids that die on heroin, they're dying in their parents’ basements. When they get kicked out, they have to ask the right questions, or they end up in jail, which is fantastic for drug addicts. Because then they actually have to get sober.
ASHLY
Yep.
PRESTON
So once you have to kind of help do those things to get the kids to ask the right questions, and then only they can do that.
ASHLY
30:14
Awesome. This is another question from Instagram followers: Do you have any doubts or concerns or things that bother you about the church? And if you do, how do you not let that shake your faith, and drive a wedge between you and your spirituality?
PRESTON
30:34
Yeah, sometimes. One of the things I've worked on a lot in my recovery is finding acceptance, like the Serenity Prayer, which is, “God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things that can, and wisdom to know the difference.” So there's been some things that the church has done that I don't know if I agree with or not, but I just find acceptance. I try not to make things a big deal. So yeah, that's just my perspective.
ASHLY
31:03
Yeah. Love that. Love that. What advice do you have for somebody that maybe didn't serve a mission? Not necessarily because they were on drugs or whatever, but what advice would you have for somebody that loves the gospel, but they chose not to serve a mission?
PRESTON
31:38
I've had this conversation with guys before. I mean, half our clients at the ranch are LDS. Like me, they beat themselves up a little bit, or they didn’t want to go on a mission. And if you came home, too, that's okay. Guess what, Jesus still loves you.
ASHLY
Yeah. Yeah.
PRESTON
Guess what, maybe your mission is something different. And I believe that. Maybe the mission is really something else. Or maybe they can be of service in other ways.
ASHLY
32:10
Yeah, I love that so much. I feel like, with my husband, he got sent home early from his mission. And it was something that was really, really hard for him. But yeah, I feel like we both together kind of have a mission that we're working on, and this podcast is part of that.
PRESTON
32:28
For sure. I think people need to understand that–I'm talking to myself too–sometimes, we make so much of a bigger deal in our head. Like, nobody else really cares.
ASHLY
Right. Right.
PRESTON
We dramatize it so much, sometimes, different things. And that's okay. It's like the humanistic part of us–we all go through things, we all have trials. As soon as we can realize that we're imperfectly perfect, we can move mountains.
ASHLY
Yeah.
PRESTON
We can do some cool things once you realize that, once you can accept that.
ASHLY
33:05
I love that advice. Because I feel like in our culture, I feel like people that haven't served a mission or maybe got sent home early, there's a lot of shame surrounding that. And so I just love that advice. So thank you for sharing.
PRESTON
33:20
Well yeah, I know. At least they went, at least they tried.
ASHLY
Yeah.
PRESTON
I didn't even make it to the baseball park. If he got to first base and then he had to go home, I'm sure he did some good there. At the end of the day for the missionaries, I think a big purpose of that is for them to have their own personal growth to go out there, and experience things and to study and learn. And there's more than one way to do that, I’m sure.
ASHLY
33:52
Okay, next question. We're getting close to five o'clock, but what was the turning point that made you want to come back to the church? I know you were struggling with your addiction and then you got sober. What was the turning point that made you go back to the church specifically, and not just spirituality?
PRESTON
34:19
I can't think of a turning point. I just think it was like I mentioned those quiet moments just having enough of those quiet moments to just realize I was happier when I had the gospel in my life, and find acceptance, to realize that I don't have to be perfect. For me, it was kind of black and white thing. It’s like, “Okay, well if I'm going to be going to church every Sunday, I have to be perfect.” Dude, I went back to church and I would chew ZYN (for nicotine) in church. But then that's like after I finally found some acceptance that I don't have to be perfect to go,
ASHLY
Yep.
PRESTON
you know what I'm saying? It was a huge mental block, like, “Okay, if I'm gonna go back to church, I've got to be perfect.” So that held me back for so long.
ASHLY
Yeah.
PRESTON
When I realized when I finally said basically, “Forget it. I'm just gonna go.”
ASHLY
Be you, and just go. Yeah.
PRESTON
And one thing turned to another, and I chewed for years into my recovery. I'm still a caffeine addict.
ASHLY
Same.
PRESTON
Just show up. And you don't have to do it for you. Just see where you can maybe be of service. Like everybody, we have spiritual ebbs and flows, right? When I'm happiest, when I'm in this place that's like a really cool spiritual energy, and I'm feeling good, it's because I'm being mindful of others.
ASHLY
Right.
PRESTON
I'm doing things, like what can I do to help other people? When I'm in that frame of mind, I seem to be happier than, “What is the church going to do for me?” When I have that kind of attitude, it just doesn't really get me anywhere. And I'm unhappy, you know?
ASHLY
36:12
Yeah. Okay. So one last question for you. What are some things that you do, like on a daily basis? Or, what keeps you close to the church, or close to the gospel or close to God? How do you stay close? There's so many, just bad things that people say about the church, and I think it's louder than ever because of social media, and everyone has a voice and it's a loud one, and how do you stay grounded in your testimony on a daily basis and stay close to God?
PRESTON
36:49
What keeps me grounded in my testimony is an experience that I had in treatment that I'll never forget. And it happened in my second week in treatment, where all the drugs were worn off, and I was raw, and I was feeling all these emotions. And I was in a really, really dark spot. And I sat down with my therapist. I said, “Dude, I can't imagine me doing this sober thing. Like, this sucks. I can't imagine me going on a cruise next next fall with my friends and not getting completely, you know, drunk on the Carnival cruise ship. I can't imagine this sober life, and I want to leave.” And he basically said, “Hey, why are you trying to do this on your own?” And I respected this guy, he was in recovery, he got it. And I had somewhat of a connection with him. And so I was willing to hear him out. And so after expressing all this to him, and like, wanting to leave, and he basically had a really cool conversation with me just just leveling with me. He said something that hit hard. He's like, “Dude, why are you trying to do this recovery thing on your own?” I'm like, “What are you talking about?” He's like, “Don't you know there's a guy upstairs that can help you out?” For a second, I thought, “Who's this guy upstairs?” And I realize I'm on the top floor, and he was talking about God. And he's like, “Dude, I'll challenge you, just stay one day. Tomorrow, you come and talk with me again, and if you want to leave, I'll call your parents, I'll help you. We'll go to the next phase, but give it 24 hours. But also, why don’t you to talk to God and see if He can help you out. Why don’t you talk to him tonight? Can you do that?” “Yeah, yes.” And so that night, I had a really cool experience. And I kind of prepared spiritually, I read a little bit of the Bible, the Four Agreements, kind of, like, out of three different books that I had, to just kind of try to get spiritually in tune to kind of ask God, if He knew who I was, if He cared about me. And I got on my knees to pray, and I had this overwhelming sense of, like, a spiritual warm blanket just hug me. I just bawled. For 10 minutes, I kind of felt God's love, which is so cool. And at that point in my recovery, two weeks in I wasn't sleeping. Coming off of opiates, you don't sleep because opiates are your natural sleep chemicals. When you stop taking opiates, your body freaks out, so I couldn't sleep for a while. And so after that experience that night, it was absolutely just phenomenal. The Church actually did an interview with me– if you go to YouTube, you put “12 Steps to Change,” I’m Step Two. They did a whole series on the 12 steps. But yeah, so I talk about that in more in detail on that video. But I mean, the next day I woke up and I just felt different. I had hope again. I knew that God knew who I was, and that God really was there. And it was completely life changing. So, to answer your question, though, how do I stay connected? I'm always praying. I'm always talking to God, that's my go-to. I suck at scriptures, suck at church. If you were to rank my habits like A to F, I’m probably like a C, C+ at church, but I freaking knock it out of the park with prayer. And I think I knock it out of the park with just connecting with other people who were like me, that know that the gospel is universal principles. You don't have to be LDS to take advantage of the gospel. I mean, anybody can. God loves all of us. He's not gonna say, “Hey, you're my people.” He’ll say, “Hey, I love you guys. You're awesome,” but everyone is God's people. So I got back into church with a different perspective a little bit. It's a little bit different than I think of a lot of people's, but it's mine. And it's real, and it’s raw, and it works for me.
ASHLY
41:13
I love that so much. And I love what you said about connecting with people. Because that's one thing that I know about you, is that you do. You have a huge heart and you connect with people. I don't know, it's just really cool to see, and your story is so inspiring. And I just appreciate you being willing to take the time with me and I am forever grateful that you pushed me to do this podcast. It means so much to me. So thank you so much. And thanks for being on my podcast.
PRESTON
41:45
You’re welcome. I love this podcast. I'm so proud of you for actually doing it. A lot of people talk about doing things. You freaking did it, dude, so I'm proud of you.
ASHLY
Thank you so much.
