"I love watching Jesus Christ work in the hard things. I love watching Him heal others from these hard places. I can go to the temple and feel the Spirit, I know I can and I should be there. In the heavy I know I can bring my 5 loaves and 2 fishes. I have so little things that I can offer. My husband and I are in no way perfect foster parents, but our heart is there. If we bring what we have to offer to God, He is going to sanctify it and he's going to make it enough."
Come Back Podcast
Transcription
ASHLY
00:14
Okay, Amber, so excited to have you on the podcast. So you sent me your story over email, and I loved it. And I'd love to hear just a little bit about you, know a little bit about your family and just you in general, so everyone has kind of some context for who you are before we jump into your story. So yeah.
AMBER
00:34
Yeah, so I am a mom of four boys. We have our older two, are biological. And then our younger two, we just adopted last Friday, and –
ASHLY
Oh, my gosh, congratulations!
AMBER
Thank you. We are so happy. And you know, I'll get into more of that later. But yeah, we are just so blessed and so grateful. Me and my husband have been married for 10 years. And yeah, it's been great.
ASHLY
01:00
Awesome. Cool. Well, yeah, let's go ahead and jump into your story then.
AMBER
My parents, my mom, especially she came from Pioneer livestock. I mean, everybody, you can trace them all the way back. My dad, he was not a member of the church, he converted when he married my mom when he was like 18, or 19. But he was never really super active. And my parents, I will say, they have, you know, their own stories to tell. So I don't want to do that for them. But they had very rough childhoods; there was substance use, and a lot of things. That's kind of a package deal, right?
ASHLY
Yep, yep.
AMBER
There's a lot of things that kind of come in with that. And they didn't have a lot of opportunities, and resources that many other families might be able to have. And so they started their family young, and I was the oldest of five children. And there was substance use in our home. And so it made home kind of chaotic, a little unpredictable. And, you know, could be a little scary sometimes. And I will say I love my parents so much. There's been a lot of healing and a lot of forgiveness on both sides. But yeah, it was kind of an unpredictable way to grow up. And I'm sure I'll get into this later, as well. But I am so grateful for it. I would not take it back for anything. But because my mom did kind of grow up being exposed to the gospel, she was able to have moments of peace. She had moments where she had a testimony of the gospel, and she could see Jesus Christ in her life. So whenever she could, she would bring home all five of us kids to church with her. And I think I kind of took everything for face value at the time. We weren't living the gospel a ton at home. Like sometimes my mom would wrangle us for scriptures, and that was really hard to do. But I am so appreciative to her for that. But what I will say is when I went to church, I felt so loved. It was amazing. It. I mean, everybody knew our situation. They knew our background, they knew what was going on. But when I walked into that building, I knew that there was going to be open arms to just wrap me up. And I just, yeah, I felt so much peace there. I loved going to church, as a child. If you're a primary teacher, do not ever discount what you can do for these kids. There were so many times that primary teachers, I'm sure it was really uncomfortable for them even, but would come to our house and we wouldn't answer the door and they would leave cookies on our doorstep. Or a priesthood leader would come to our home and offer my mom a blessing at the exact time that she needed it. And there was so much peace and goodness that came from that. And I think that all these people, they planted seeds, and they're probably never going to know the impact that they had on our family. One teacher in particular, I found out later she was battling cancer. But she would take me and my sister and let us stay the night at her house and give us these king sized candy bars, which were a huge commodity. I mean, we were very poor growing up. So we would take it and we would just divvy it out. And we knew exactly how many pieces we had left, and everything. But she spent hours teaching us the Articles of Faith. And of course, when we’d pass it off, she gave us these gifts. We always felt so loved there. When I was 12 is actually when my parents kind of, they did have a lot of sacrifices. They wanted us to have a better life than they had. And from them, they would tell us, “You're not going to do this when you're older, right?” Like, “You're going to get an education. You are you could do anything, you could do anything you put your mind to.” And so when I was 12 is when my parents said, “You know, we're not going to live like this anymore.” We moved away from the substance use and we moved. So I grew up in Arizona, we went to New Mexico. Moving to New Mexico as a 12 year old was really hard. It was a really hard age to move.
05:17
And I was really, I'm sure everybody thinks that they were an awkward kid, right? But my memories, I was such an awkward kid. And I had such low self esteem. And to be completely transparent, honestly, that's something I still struggle with. For some reason I have such an easy time sustaining our church leaders and I have such a hard time knowing that God loves me.
ASHLY
Mmhmm.
AMBER
And that's something like we all kind of have our struggles that we work through. If we had it all figured out, we wouldn't need God, right?
ASHLY
Yep.
AMBER
I was really struggling, when we moved. I couldn't really find any friends that I felt comfortable with. And to top that off, when we tried to go to church in New Mexico. I mean, the gospel is the same everywhere, but it didn't feel like the people were. And I will say, there's a good chance, you know, it's not a reflection on them. It could have just been my age. It's my preteen years, I was so angry and rebelling. And maybe I didn't want them to reach out to me. And they tried, and I just didn't let them, but it never felt like home in the 10 years that I lived in New Mexico, I was actively just wanting to leave. I mean, I never liked it there. And then it was around that time that I started, I just refused to go to church anymore. I'm like, they know our story, too. And there was parents who would tell their kids that they couldn't hang out with me and my siblings. And it was really, really hard to swallow.
ASHLY
06:38
How old were you at this time? When you decided that you were going to stop going to church, how old were you?
AMBER
06:42
I was 12.
ASHLY
Okay.
AMBER
It was really soon after we moved there. And I just felt so uncomfortable. And I don't know that I had a super strong testimony at that time, because I had just kind of taken it at face value. And a lot of my testimony was in the goodness of others, like seeing Christ through others there. And so at this time, you know, we were probably all of us kids were refusing to go to church. We made it really hard for my mom. She wanted us to, but I mean, how do you do that? And I'll be the first to say I was not an easy kid. It was really rough. But I had gotten into a rough crowd. I felt like I was just looking for love and acceptance everywhere that I could. And I got on with this group, that immediately I started toying with drugs, and with alcohol. I was sneaking out all the time. And my grades were dropping, and that's just where I felt comfortable. And honestly, I think that some of it had to do with, like I kind of grew up with substance use. And so I just thought, “I can just stop whenever I want. It's not going to be a big deal.” And then when my mom found out that I was doing all this, and it probably scared her because she knew that path that I was kind of heading down, I was under lock and key. My mom, she just wouldn't let me go anywhere. She wouldn't let me do anything. And she, I mean, if I had a daughter that was doing all the things I did, I don't think I would know what to do either.
ASHLY
08:14
Yeah, I would, I would probably … because I have a similar path. And it's like, I think now all the time, “What would I do if my kid was doing what I was doing?” And I think, “Yep! I’d probably do the same thing that my parents did. I’d probably ship her off to …” you know, to, I don't know. Like as a parent, it's like, what do you do? And even us, who have been through it, we don't even know what we would have done, you know?
AMBER
08:40
No, it's so true. Yeah, I don't even know what would have been the best for me. But at this time, when my mom was really laying down the law, I struggled so bad. I felt like I was just completely cut off from everyone that I felt loved me, and me and my mom were butting heads really bad. And with my dad as well. I just really, really struggled. And my situation to where I got incredibly depressed. I would just stay in my room. It was really hard to get up in the morning. And then I started toying with self harm. And it got to a point where I just thought, “Let me just do the easy thing for everybody, this would be so much better if I just took my life. Because that would be a selfless thing to do.” I got to a point where I thought, “I am such a problem for everyone.” And I am not even contributing anything, like, “Where's my worth here?” And so, at 13 I tried to end my life, and looking back, thinking of my 13-year-old nephew or whatever–it just, it's such a young age. But thankfully, I wasn't successful.
And my mom was still just kind of losing her mind with me. She didn't know what to do. And right at this time, my angel aunt … So we have a huge family. And so she's actually my mom's great aunt, but she's younger than my mom. And her name is Tisha. And she called, and to my knowledge she never lived in the same town as we did. But I remember visiting her when I was a kid and I felt so loved and so cared for by her. And she called my mom. And she said, “I just felt like I needed to call you.” And my mom just kind of laid it all out. She's like, “I don't know what to do for Amber, she is a mess. I really don't know what to do. Do I send her into an institution? What do I do?” My aunt, to this day, it just blows my mind. She's like, “Come let her live with me.” And she had five young kids at the time, I think the oldest could not have been more than nine or ten. And she was taking this suicidal, Gothic, raging teenager into her home. And so my mom asked me if I wanted to move in with her. And I said, “Yes, absolutely. Because nothing could be worse than what is going on right now.” And it was also bringing me back to Arizona. Not the same town, but it still kind of felt like I was going home. When I moved in with her, she just automatically, I could feel the atmosphere at her home. And it felt comfortable. I remember feeling like this is kind of like what church was when I went before. And I trusted her, but I didn't fully believe her for the longest time; I thought, when I saw her and her husband interact, when I saw her with her kids, I thought, “This isn't real. I'm gonna give them a few months, and she's gonna let her walls down, and this is gonna be what I'm used to.” And it wasn't. And I remember, after a little while just thinking, “Wow. This is what I want my family to be, I'll do anything for this.”
And then that was actually the year that President Hinckley gave us the challenge to read the Book of Mormon by the end of the year. And so my aunt told me, she said, “Amber, I bet I can read the Book of Mormon before you.” And I said, “There's no way, you have five little kids, there's no way you're gonna read the Book of Mormon before me.” So I started reading, reading the Book of Mormon. Now, I had probably read the first two chapters before, maybe little paragraphs here and there, but never ever cover to cover. And I just started consuming it. And after I pushed through probably 2 Nephi, I could not put it down. I hated English class. And so I would bring my Book of Mormon and put it in my English thing. And while they're reading Shakespeare, I'd read my Book of Mormon and I read it on the bus on the way home. And I got to a point where that's all I wanted to do, like my aunt Tisha, she would have to come to the room and be like, “Amber come to dinner. It's time, you need to eat.” And then I remember, as I got towards the end, I thought, “I'm about to get to the end. I know, I'm supposed to pray about it. But I already feel like this is true. I feel so good. I've never felt this good before.” So after I finished reading it, I did kneel down, ‘cause I was like, “You know, I'm going to do it anyway.” So I knelt down, and I prayed about it. And I got that same feeling, like this is true, this is real, and so tangible. And thankfully, while I did live with her, I got some really amazing friends. My ward was amazing. I mean, they knew that I was just this random kid with way too much eyeliner that moved in with my aunt. And when they took me in, they loved me no matter what. And I remember even talking to that bishop, and I kind of laid out everything that I had done. And he said, “Okay, so have a lot of other people.” And it was just, it was so amazing to kind of have that understanding.
ASHLY
13:45
Can I tell you something that is totally crazy?
AMBER
Sure.
ASHLY
I have an angel aunt that I was totally strung out on drugs, and she let me live with her in Arizona, in Mesa Arizona. Took me in and I was so far from gone. And her unconditional love is one of the things that I will never forget in my coming back to the church. And her example, and I even remember her challenging me to read the Book of Mormon when I'm like, really strung out on drugs. She also had kids in her house, and she knew she was bringing this drug addict girl into her home. And so let's just give a shout out to the angel aunts out there. I just find it so wild that you have the same experience with an angel aunt that took a chance on you and saw you for who you were instead of all the things on the outer shell.
AMBER
14:47
It really is so amazing. I have thanked her so many times. You said you have no idea what you've done for me. And she I think and her husband just kind of brushed it off, and they're like, “Yeah, yeah, you know, we loved you. You did great things for us too.” And I'm like, “No, really you saved my life.”
ASHLY
Yep, yep. Yes, totally.
AMBER
So, so good. I lived with her for a year. And at that time, that's when I kind of knew I needed to go home. I was in high school and I, you know, had to figure out where I was going to graduate from and all that. And it was just, it was just time. We both kind of knew. And so I moved back home. And that was really hard, I still had a really difficult relationship with my mom. And I just kind of fell back into the same thing. I wouldn't say I was as bad as I was before; I wasn't seeking out the drugs and the alcohol like I was before. Because before, I mean, I'd be walking down the hall and some kid would offer me a pill, and I’d just take it. I did not care. And at this point, I was a bit more cautious because I was very academically minded. I was actually going to college and high school at the same time–almost full time in college, because I was also getting high school credits for it. And I was working a lot. And so I bought a car. And I actually moved out, right when I turned 18. So I hadn't graduated from high school yet, but I pushed my way through that and was, you know, still attending college. I got my EMT license right out of high school. And I worked as an EMT for a little bit. And at that time, I was still doing drugs and alcohol. I feel like my testimony did wane a bit, and I was going back to the same ward. So I tried a few times, and I still just did not feel comfortable there. And so I just stopped.
16:37
It was about this time that I met my first husband. He was in the Air Force. And what I am about to say has, this is not a reflection on the Air Force at all–I love our armed forces. Their service is incredible. And my experience with the Air Force was just phenomenal. Me and him got married. So he actually converted when he was like 18 or 19, and had since fallen away from the church. And so it was kind of nice having that same background. And also, I think that there was a part of me that was still looking for that self worth. And I wanted stability. I wanted to have a good stable life. And he really did have a good heart. We were married for two years. But two weeks after we got married, I found out that he had been cheating on me the whole time.
ASHLY
What?! Oh my gosh.
AMBER
Yeah, it was crazy. He continued this for two years. And I didn't tell anyone. I was so embarrassed, I was ashamed. I didn't want people to look at me differently, or look at him differently. And I just wanted this to work. And it was about this time that, you know, I didn't feel like I could reach out to anybody, but I wanted peace so bad. And I remembered the peace that I had felt in the gospel. And I don't know, if it's just like, those deep pits that I have to get into to be like, “Hey, do you remember? Remember when you felt really good before, even in the hard times?” that I was able to talk him into going back to church with me. And I received my endowment. And unfortunately, he was still being unfaithful to me the whole time that we were going to the temple. And that was really hard for me. That was a really hard thing for me to swallow, later. But I was able to get that peace of going back to church and the church had changed a bit, the leadership had changed. And so I did feel a lot more comfortable. And I had also gotten more to a point where I was like, “You know, I don't care what you think about me, I'm just gonna do what I love.” But my bishop was incredible.
And this is kind of a crazy story. So my ex-husband, he had been married before me. And turns out, I didn't know this at the time, but they had divorced for the same reason that me and him were about to get divorced, for him being unfaithful. And I wanted to get sealed before he left on his next deployment. And we sent in a petition to the First Presidency for us to get sealed. And it didn't come back in time for him to go on his deployment. So he set him off on his deployment. And I actually got to talk to him every morning from three to five, because of the time difference. So I’d wake up really early talk, to him for a few hours and then go to work. And it was actually during one of those visits that I found out, our whole marriage, I found out about more emails and dating websites, and prostitutes. I mean, it was so much. And it was actually during one of our Skype visits that I saw all of this information. And I said, “Is there anything that you want to tell me?” He said, “Nope, I'm done.” And I said, “I, you know, I am too.” So we got off that call and I was just broken. I was financially, emotionally, mentally … I would just, it was so hard.
ASHLY
Yeah.
AMBER
And I went and I talked to my bishop. I actually worked for him at the time. It was really amazing. I went to talk to him. I said, “You know, Bishop, we're done. I don't know what to do about, you know, requesting to be sealed or whatever.” And he said, “Amber, actually I wanted to pull you aside because I got a response back from the First Presidency and they denied your sealing.” And he was like, “My brothers are all bishops. We've never seen that happen before.”
ASHLY
Oh my gosh.
AMBER
Yes. And so that was just one of those like, pat on the back, just like, “Okay, you're doing the right thing, you're moving in the right way.” And ever since then, honestly, I can't even question our First Presidency, they are so inspired.
ASHLY
Yeah.
AMBER
They are so amazing. And that was before I found out about everything going on.
ASHLY
Mmhmm. Wow.
AMBER
And so it was a really powerful experience. And so those two hours that I would spend visiting with him before work, that turned into scripture study, because I just had to have peace. I got the Institute manuals, and I just devoured it with the Institute manuals, and I just felt so good. I was able to kind of make that mental shift from looking for love outwardly, to looking for love from my Savior. And I was really able to cement, I think that that situation was really able to cement my testimony
ASHLY
Yeah.
AMBER
of God, and then the gospel. So it's one of those things you can really look back and be grateful for.
ASHLY
Mmhmm.
AMBER
And so my amazing aunt Tisha has a sister who's also an angel. Her name is Christie, and she took me in. I did not know what I was going to do. I just knew I had to get out of New Mexico. And she took me in and I was able to move back to my old hometown in Arizona, and I started going to college there. It was a great experience. Honestly, I don't know what I would have done without those women. She let me live with her just to help clean her house. And honestly, looking back, I don't even think I did that good of a job. She was so great. And so I started going to college there, I finished my degree there. And I met my husband, my now husband, in English class. It's been such an amazing experience. And we were able to be sealed in the Gila Valley temple. And then after that we had our two biological kids, and then started foster care.
ASHLY
22:21
You started, you started to foster care.
AMBER
Mmhmm, yeah. Yeah.
ASHLY
Tell us more about how that came to be.
AMBER
22:14
Okay. So I always knew that I wanted to do foster care ever since I was little. And I think it has a lot to do with, you know, I saw people in my family that weren't able to get out of the situation that we were in. And then I saw my parents being able to get us out of the situation we were in. And I just knew that I had to help in some way. And so I've always wanted to do foster care. And honestly, I have a love for children that I can't take credit for. It's just a gift that God has given me. And I don't even have to try. I'm honestly so grateful for it. And so when me and my husband were dating, it was actually funny, he didn't want to get married right away. He had just gotten home from his mission, I had just gotten divorced. And so we were both really cautious about it. And then I prayed about him, and I felt really strongly. And so we went on a date. And I just said, “These are all the things that I'm okay with, and not okay …” you know, we just kind of were laying everything out there. Like we just did, nothing to prove. And one of the things was foster care, I said, and you know, “You have to be okay with me doing foster care.” And he said, “Okay,” you know, “I'm game.” So after our two boys, we found out I could no longer have any more children, which was okay for me. I mean some women, it can be really hard. I did have a miscarriage after that. But you know, it felt right. It felt like it was the right time.
ASHLY
Mmhmm.
AMBER
And so we bought our home and we started foster care. We had a beautiful little girl for a month, who totally stole our hearts. She went to live with a family friend. And I remember when they took her, me and my husband just sat on the couch and we just cried. And my husband said, “I'm not doing this again.” And then a few days later, we got a little boy for a few days. And then about a week after the little girl had left, we got a two-day-old baby who is the baby that we just adopted. So yeah—
ASHLY
Wow!
AMBER
—we've had him for a year and a half. And honestly, foster care, oh. I could talk to you about it for an hour just about foster care. Like it has been such, like the hard is so hard, but the good is so good. Even my boys, my older boys, they are so open and loving and kind to anyone, it doesn't matter their background. I mean when we talk about their mom, I love her so much. She … and I love talking to you about, because I know you understand, that addiction is so hard.
ASHLY
It is so hard.
AMBER
It is so hard. There's nothing that, you know, if it was as easy as like, “If a mom loves her kid enough she'll stop, so that she …”
ASHLY
Right.
AMBER
Hey, if it were that easy, foster care wouldn't exist.
ASHLY
Yep. Yep.
AMBER
She loves them, she really does, but the addiction is just so hard and stuff. And I've seen her with them. Oh, man, she's just so sweet with them. But my boys are just so kind, they'll say, “Oh, you're so lucky. You get two moms.” They'll say it at the grocery store and stuff.
ASHLY
That’s so cute.
AMBER
And they are just so compassionate about it. And then our five year old talks about his mom, or something, he'll say, “When can I see her?” and my older boys will say, “Oh, she's just sick right now. And she's working on getting better.” And so they've just been amazing. And my seven year old actually, he just did the leprechaun thing. If they've got the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow, what would they buy? And he put “beds” on there. And I said, “Buddy, why do you need a new bed?” And he said, “So we could have more foster kids.”
ASHLY
Oh, my gosh.
AMBER
That's just how my boys’ hearts have changed.
ASHLY
Wow.
AMBER
If somebody's mean to them at school, they'll say, “They must have a hard time at home. I should probably be their friend.” And they do have good boundaries, too. But they're strong willed kids, but they are just so loving, and so kind. And then on the foster care side, our five year old — so we got him when he was three, we got him a month after and they're full-blood brothers, which is really awesome. So really, the sibling relationship is so important. So when we got him he would, we were his fourth home, in his short little life, and he would tell us, he would say, “I don't love you.” And some foster kids, as soon as they come into your home, they call you Mom right away, and he would not. And I didn't force it. You know, I'm like, “You can call me whatever you want.” Even after he started calling me Mom, by his own choice, he still would say, “I don't love you. I only love the baby. And I love dogs,” which is funny because we don't even have a dog. But he would say that. And after about, I want to say it was like almost right at the year mark, he came in and he said, “Mom, I do love you.”
ASHLY
Wow.
AMBER
I bawled. It was just so so powerful. The highs are just so high, and there's so much power in it. And so I also volunteer in a girls’ group home. So there are a bunch of teens. It's really hard to get placement for teenagers. And so usually they end up being in group homes. I've seen them go from homeless shelter to homeless shelter, and it is really hard.
ASHLY
Mmhmm.
AMBER
But I started volunteering at a group home and it started out with me teaching fitness classes to them. And it ended with some really amazing relationships that I've been able to carry over. But probably one of my favorite things that happened with them is, they are teenage girls. They did not want to listen to Ed Sheeran and Taylor Swift. Okay, so I—
ASHLY
27:59
Wait, they don't want to listen to Taylor? That’s weird.
AMBER
28:03
Yes, they’re very selective, because I wanted them to be able to do these workouts. Yes, well of course, we were listening to Little John, doing a dance to it. And there's one point where the girls were just like shoving each other around, goofing around, and I felt the Spirit so strong. And I'm like, I am in the midst of these teenage girls swearing and throwing each other around, dancing in the ways that they're gonna dance to Little John and I am feeling Spirit so strong. Because that's what Jesus Christ does, He meets us where we're at.
ASHLY
Yeah.
AMBER
And I've noticed, it's funny, because I do like the hard things. And I think it's my favorite, because I love watching Jesus Christ work in the hard things. I love watching him heal from these hard places where you know, I can go to the temple, and I can feel the Spirit. I know I can, and I should be there, you know, in the heavy. I know that I can bring my five loaves and two fishes, like I'd have so little things that I can offer. Me and my husband are no way perfect foster parents, but our heart is there. And like, if we bring what we have to offer to God, He's gonna sanctify it, and he's gonna make it enough.
ASHLY
29:17
Mmhmm. That is so beautiful. You are such a light. And I think the thing that's so cool to see is how in your life, God worked all things to the good. And he took these experiences that you had when you were 12. And you were just struggling and it's like you became that aunt that you loved so much that helped you so much. It's like you became a version of that for these kids and for these teenage girls, and it's so cool to see how something that's so challenging that like, your mom didn't know how to navigate it. You were struggling, you were struggling to the point that you wanted to end your life and it was such a dark, horrible place. But now, God has taken that experience and He's worked it into something so beautiful. And it's just so amazing to see that.
AMBER
30:13
Yeah, no, it's been a really awesome journey there. I haven't always been able to say that I'm so grateful for my childhood. I mean, especially with my teenage girls, like they can say, my parents did this, or this happened to me. And I could say, “Me too.” And there's so much healing in us being vulnerable together and getting out of that pit together, as Brene Brown says. But one of my favorite favorite lessons that I learned was from Emily Belle Freeman and her talk about grace. And I guess she was talking with her daughter, and they said, “Was there anybody in Jesus Christ’s life that He offered grace to that didn't ask for it?” And they talked about the woman caught in adultery. She was actively sinning when they took her and brought her to Christ's feet. She wasn't seeking him out. She wasn't seeking out his grace, but He still offered it to her. And I feel like there's so much in my life that I can look back and say, I wasn't even seeking out Jesus Christ at that time. But He was still there taking care of me. I don't know how I didn't end up with some life-altering addiction. He protected me from that. And he protected me from so many things in my childhood, so many things that could have happened later on. He was constantly offering that grace, even when I felt totally unworthy, and I was in the middle of sinning. I still got that grace, because that is God's character. That's what He wants to do.
ASHLY
31:28
Yep, that is so true. I mean, in my own life, as well, I can relate to that so much. Just, you know, times where I was preserved. And when I just didn't deserve it. I mean, I was living my life in a way that I should have been dead 10 times over.
AMBER
Yeah.
ASHLY
And it's like, it's just so beautiful to see these miracles throughout life, and how you're right. He meets us in those hard places. And it's just a beautiful thing to see.
AMBER
Yeah.
ASHLY
32:00
Well, before we wrap up, anything that you want to share with everyone? Maybe some advice that you have for somebody that maybe maybe they just got divorced, or maybe they're struggling, maybe their spouse has been unfaithful, maybe they're struggling with their testimony? Tell us what advice you would have for somebody that's right in the middle of it.
AMBER
32:20
Yeah, cuz there's a lot of hard things, right? We have so many, so many things that we struggle with, and everybody has their struggles. I'd say one of my favorite things about foster care is, I mean I don’t love it right in the moment of it, right? But in the end, there's nothing like foster care that makes you wholly dependent on God. Some states require that you as a foster parent can testify on behalf of your kids. I currently live in Arizona, and that is not the law. I've never been able to speak in any of my children's hearings. I've seen so many awful things happen in the system. But it makes me so dependent on God. I've gotten on my knees so many more times than I ever would have before. But God will meet you where you are. It doesn't matter where you are. He can go into any place because this is His Earth, you are His child. You know, that's His character. And I feel like I still have a lot of questions. Why? Why did certain things happen, you know, questions about the gospel. But the older I get, the more I realize, I don't know. I have just been so humbled by age, so finding that balance between, yeah, it’s good to seek answers, it's good to ask questions, but also finding that balance of “Okay. God knows so much more than me.” Looking back. And also, when you look back,if you're having a hard time, when you look back in five or 10 years, you're gonna be amazed at how much faith you had in that moment. When I look back on those hard times, I'm like, “Wow, how did I have that much faith in myself or in somebody else?” Because God wants the mustard seed, or He just wants the person that you just have a desire,
ASHLY
Yeah.
AMBER
to want to know. That's all He's asking Him for. And that's all He needs and help Him work it in you. He'll send those angels to you. When you need it. You just have to be willing and open to receiving them.
ASHLY
34:24
I love that, so much. Well, Amber, you are just so beautiful inside and out, just glowing. And what an honor to have you on the podcast. So thank you so much for reaching out. And thank you so much for sharing your story with everybody.
AMBER
34:41
Yeah, thank you. Oh, man, if I could tell you how much good, and I feel like every episode I hear everybody says the same thing. But you are doing so much good. It is just phenomenal. So thank you for all that you do.
ASHLY
Thank you so much.
