"I think that's the big thing is I had been to the temple once, right when I got out of prison. But I didn't feel like I was doing it for myself. I felt like I was doing it for the people around me, and I didn't get to really enjoy it. And of course, your first time in the temple, you're looking everywhere. You're like, ’What does this mean?’ But now that I came back to this church and I went back for the first time in February. It's for me, it's for no one else. It's for me. When you do it for yourself, it feels so much better."
Transcript
ASHLY
Colton, I am so excited to have you on the podcast and I don't think I've ever had a guest be so excited to be on the podcast as you are.
COLTON
I am so excited to be here.
ASHLY
Seth, I know him from the singles ward; I was like a year sober at the time.
He took me surfing. And it's very memorable 'cause I was very scared. Very advanced waters for a beginner like me. And he randomly reached out to me on Facebook and he's like, “I have somebody you need to interview on the podcast.”
COLTON
It was crazy. He was like, “I know Ashly Stone.” I'm like, “No, you don't.” And he's like, “I do.” And I was like, “Okay, cool.” He is like, “Do you want me to reach out to her?” I'm like, “Sure, dude, do it.” And he did it, and I was like, “You actually did it.”[00:02:00]
ASHLY
That is so amazing. I love it. I am so, so excited to have you on the podcast. Let's go ahead and jump into your story.
COLTON
Yeah, so I am Colton Satler. I was raised in Glendale, Arizona, grew up kind of in the Scottsdale, Peoria area. Based on hearing your story, I know you're very well familiar with the valley.
ASHLY
Awesome.
COLTON
So, pretty easy childhood to be frankly, honest. I had my parents, Gary and Tracy Satler. They were the best parents that they could possibly be. They did have addiction problems. My dad you know, he loved his wine, he loved his macallans, and I loved my mom, she loved her white wine as well. So as I grew up, it was normal to go and drink a bottle of wine at night, two bottles of wine at night. I know that's not normal, but a pretty easy childhood.
Growing up, my parents did really well with me. No physical abuse, none of that. The typical parent-kid tiffs, no big deal. But once I started to get to high school, that's when Rebellion Colton started to come out. And it wasn’t necessarily that I wasn’t a popular kid, but I was popular for the wrong reasons.
I was the one that would drink anything, snort anything, smoke [00:03:00]anything. I'd do whatever it would be that would make me be the talk of the school on Monday morning. So, through this I learned that my parents were starting to become heavily addicted to painkillers. My mother, specifically, and then my dad, he was just a typical alcoholic.
He was doing life insurance, and he was a very personal person. I get a lot of my energy from him and he loves everybody. And so he was very close to his clients and unfortunately, he had about six clients die within a five month span. And that really hit him hard. He started drinking profusely.
He ended up getting to a point where he was hospitalized because his stomach filled up, and so they had to drain his stomach. I kind of looked at that and thought, “I don't want to be like that.” And then I started to realize, well, I'm young, I can have fun. No big deal. I had a couple girlfriends here and there.
In high school I was a star track athlete, star cross country athlete. I had as much fun as I possibly could in high school. I graduated high school in 2015 from Mountain Ridge High School in [00:04:00] Glendale, Arizona.
I got a full ride scholarship to go to Hastings College for Track and Field. This is where I ended up finding out how the Midwest can party, because there's not a lot to do. And I was doing cross country, I was doing track. I really wasn't happy with being out there necessarily, but I saw the money and I took it. I decided it was free college. I started drinking pretty heavily. I decided that I needed to go back to Phoenix, Arizona. So I went back illegally, according to the NCA, 'cause back then they didn't have the transfer portal like they do these days.
I didn't tell my cross country coach or my track coach that I was talking with Grand Canyon's coach already. And I transferred there. I shipped all my stuff. And the day I got a call from the NCA and they're like, “Hey, were you at Hastings College?” And I was like, “Yeah.” And they're like, “Yeah, you didn't talk to them about leaving. You just transferred. You were talking to them illegally.” I was like, “That's true.” They're like, “Yeah, we have to suspend you for a year.” And I was like, “Okay.”
So in that year, I was training by myself, [00:05:00]practicing by myself. I started going out to a lot of parties. When you're an athlete … I think your husband was the star baseball player? So I mean, he knows that athletes go hard. I was going as hard as I could because I didn't have any responsibilities. And then one day I got a call and they said, “Hey, you are being granted to run unattached,” which means you can run, but not in their uniform. So you're running with the team, but not a part of the team.
I was like, “All right, cool.” So I got my stuff back together. I was like, all right, we gotta get in tip top shape again. Quit drinking, quit smoking, and then I was like, “All right, we're doing good.”
Well, I was training the night before my first race back, and my mom posted a picture on Facebook and a family member's joint account that lived in Queen Creek, Arizona commented on it and was like, “Hey, our son's gonna be racing there.” I looked at it and thought, “Who the heck are these people? I don't know who these people are.” So I go in, I ask my mom about it, and she said, “Oh, they're the Mormons. They live right down the street.” And I'm like, “The Mormons? The helmet hat people?” And she said, “Yeah, the helmet hat [00:06:00] people.” I'm like, “Oh, cool. Why don't we ever see them?” “Oh, well, you know, there was a tiff between your father and them.”
It's not that he didn't like people at the church, he just thought it was very weird. He just thought the whole entire thing was weird, which I did too during high school. But obviously look where I am now.
Fast forward a little bit. I did the race, I stayed and I watched their kid race, and it happened to be that their youngest son was getting baptized that weekend.
So actually the person who sent me the very first podcast of yours, her name is Becky, and her and her husband and their kids came out to watch the baptism. The twin thought it would be a good idea to surprise them. You know, come and do the family activities.
At the time I was not living at home. Me and my dad and my mom didn't get along very well. I wanted to live by myself, you know, the typical teenager thing. I lived in Tempe, so it was only like a 20 minute drive from Tempe to Queen [00:07:00] Creek area. So I was up there pretty much every day. I watched the baptism and I remember turning around and looking at the Satlers from Idaho, and I was like, you know, this is kind of weird. I'm feeling something like, what is this church about? And they talked to me a little bit, but I think the perception with LDS members is that when they see you, it's like, all right, we're zoned in, we're going for you. We're gonna grab you and put you under the water. And they're not like that. They want everyone to express themselves in the best way possible. So they talked to me a little bit about it. I didn't think about it very much right up till then.
I kept going a little bit, and I wanted to be around that family again. I wanted to be with them and get close to them 'cause I had missed a lot of their life and I wanted to be a part of it. And so I would go to sporting events, I would go to dance recitals, musicals, anything that I could do to gain a relationship with the family.
The youngest daughter had a musical number in church, and I remember I was on the couch in their house and she asked me, “Hey, [00:08:00] Colton, can you come watch me?” She was either singing or playing violin or something. And, I was like, “What the heck is sacrament? What are you talking about?” And they're like, “It's like mass.” And I'm like, “Oh, okay.” Because I grew up Catholic. And I was like, “Oh, okay. Yeah. Am I allowed in, do I have to sign anything? Do I have to pay an admissions fee?
And they're like, “No. Everybody's welcome.” I'm like, “Oh, If I start burning when I walk in, just …” Just know, I tried my hardest. I didn't have time to stay for a second or third hour, because at the time it was three hours long, which was a lot. So I left and then a couple weeks later, the oldest son was having a talk, and the talk was just a really short one.
You know how when they have the teenagers come up, give a five minute talk? I believe that was pretty much it. But he wanted me to come. So I came, and at the time, my cousin was teaching the deacons, I think. So I went to what was called Gospel Principles, and then we went to the deacons’ class. And I felt something, it was weird. [00:09:00] I didn't know what it was. And I kind of was like, “All right, well that was a cool experience, but that was three hours long. I'm not doing that again. That's dumb.” So this was around summertime. I went home to see my parents that night and I was doing some homework. And a little thing was like, “Hey, you need to text them and ask 'em if you can go to church with them on Sundays.”
I was like, “That's so stupid. Why would I do that?” I have never been a church person. Like, I've been to church, but not like a religious person, where I go every Sunday. Two hours later, I just hear this voice again, and I'm like, “What is it tonight?” And I'm like, “I know I'm not drinking. I'm sober right now. There is no way that I'm going to LDS—I called it Mormon Church at the time—and two hours later, I was on the phone with my cousin asking, “Hey, do you care if I attend your guys' church with you too?” This probably went on for about six, seven months. I went to church with them, not every single Sunday, but when I could.
And we were sitting in Gospel Principles one day, and across from me are Elder Andreezy and Elder Budge, [00:10:00] my baptizing elders. I'll never forget 'em. I still talk to 'em. They asked a question and I said, “Well, when I get baptized …” and I just froze. And I was like, “I did not just say that. There's no way I just said that. That's dumb.” And then I went, “You know what? But I felt really good.” Okay. So I just continued on and you know, my cousin and his wife knew about my dad's thought process with the church and everything.
And so texted me that night and were like, “Hey, so you said something today.” I'm like, “I know, I know. I don't know if I want to or not.” And they're like, “Well, so here's the way our church works. So you have lessons with the missionaries.” And I'm like, “The kids that are my age that come over to the house? Why would I learn from them?”
And they're like, “Well, yeah.” And I was like, “Okay, I will do it, but one of you has to be there with me.” And at the time, I'm not sure what I was thinking. I'm not sure if I thought these kids were gonna perform like some witchcraft or something, but I needed someone there with me. And these two were the best.
Elder Budge was the serious one. 'Cause you know, in the group you always have to have [00:11:00] that serious one, and then you got the other one, Elder Andreezy, who is literally just, let's bring it full circle. Let's have some fun with it. And then I would either have my cousin or his wife there and it was great.
It was track season at the time, and so I was supposed to get baptized like six different times. And I finally was baptized on June 10th, 2017. And that's just where the fun starts. Nobody told me how hard it was gonna be, coming to the church, and I think that my biggest critique when elders ask me for advice is, you should probably warn them that there's a lot of expectations, but it's okay to fail because that's part of life. I went six months without drinking, without partying, without sex, anything like that. And it was hard. It was so hard. I was getting ridiculed by my dad. And me and him finally, years later, had to sit down and talk. And we just both agreed that we love each other, but we're not gonna talk about the church.
'Cause he just thinks it's a bunch of hocus pocus, which is fine. A lot of people do. It makes me happy, it makes me smile. So I'm good. [00:12:00] My mom was always supportive of it. Fast forward a little bit, we had a little bit of a tiff with that family and I just didn't talk to them anymore.
You know, just some family drama and it just wasn't recoverable at the time. I was working at Phoenix Children's Hospital at the time, so I decided to go to this place that you probably know very well, it’s called Old Town Scottsdale. And I started just partying nonstop. I was making great money at Phoenix Children's Hospital, and I was going out, I was spending all of it.
I mean, I had an Amex and it was just swipe, swipe, swipe. Bottles, drugs, girls, anything that you could think of, that was me. And we were going so often that I started getting local discounts. I started getting all of this stuff. I ended up there for a short period of time kind of working with some celebrities, and I also partied with some celebrities, names like Sway Lee, G Eazy, Post Malone.
So one night I was doing—my drug of choice is cocaine. I mean, it's always been that, because [00:13:00] in Scottsdale it’s very prevalent, and it's the party drug. And so one night I got approached by this big, big African American guy, like all big. And he's like, “Hey, are you Colton?” I'm like, “Yeah.”
And he is like, “Sway Lee wants to see you in the bathroom.” And I'm like, “Sway Lee wants to see me in the bathroom?” What dumb nickname someone has, the rapper's nickname. And I walk in there and there’s Sway Lee. And he's like, “I heard you got the heat,” and this and that. I was starstruck. I was like, “Oh my gosh, you're, you're sway Lee?”
And he is like, “Yeah man, but I heard you're a partier.” I'm like, “Yeah, yeah, yeah.” So of course I got my stuff out. I was like, “Yeah, yeah.” So a couple days go by and I get a call from one of his managers, and he said, “Hey, he wants to spend his birthday in Scottsdale. Would you wanna throw him a big party?”
And I'm like, “Of course. Why not?” So I got this big house in Paradise Valley. We ended up throwing him a party and everything like that. And, that's how I met Post Malone, and that's how I ended up getting to go a little bit on tour with him. And then I met G Eazy along [00:14:00] the way, who I kind of like wanted my life to be like at the time.
When it comes to the church, as soon as I had my tiff with my family, I really didn't care. I went into self-destruction mode. I have never, ever once questioned if there is a God or a Jesus Christ. But I ended up not really thinking the church was worth it. I went from being a teacher with the deacons to just thinking, “Wow you know, this church is true. I believe it, but, I don't care. You know what, we're just gonna just, just screw it.” But was I lying to people saying I was going all the time?
I told them that. I was like, “Oh yeah, I went last Sunday. It's great. Oh yeah. Family Home Evening. Yep. Definitely did that.” So one day it was the day after my birthday, I had gotten this big mansion with a private chef, all this stuff, in Mesa. And I was sitting in the pool at five in the morning.
I had just taken some ecstasy and I just had this premonition. It wasn't from God at all, I know that. But I was like, “I gotta get my act together. I gotta get outta here, and if I don't leave Arizona, I'm done.” And so I moved to [00:15:00]California and I was still kind of partying with artists here and there. And so then I started working for Tri-City Medical at the time as a lab technician as well. And I still wasn't going to church yet, but here's the moment where things switched a little bit. My dad had a disease called Factor Five Leiden. That's not what he died from. He died from acute alcoholic cirrhosis in the liver.
But he had this blood disease where he'd get blood clots all the time. I remember being in the hospital so many times as a kid with my mom and it had become such a norm that he wasn't even worried about it because, you know, you hear a blood clot, you think that's scary.
ASHLY
Mm-hmm.
COLTON
One and he'd be like, this is great. Yeah, it's just a couple days off. Watch some tv. I'm like, my gosh. So I ended up getting two blood clots on my lungs and one under my knee cap. I wasn't partying at the time. I remember I was sitting on a couch like this just so I could literally breathe, 'cause it just felt so much pressure. And I went three days without going to the hospital, 'cause I just kept thinking, “Oh, it's gonna go away. It must just feel like a little pain. No big deal.” [00:16:00] And so my dad finally just said, “You need to go, you need to get out. You need to go to the hospital.” So I go to the hospital and it's Covid times right now, and it's the same hospital I worked at.
So of course they didn't give me any special treatment. They were like, “Yeah, you work here, you'll be fine.” Once they got my lab results back, then they started treating me a lot better. I ended up having those blood clots and while I was laying there, my dad was on his way out. He was flying from Boise, Idaho to San Diego.
I wanted to call my old bishop. Well, me and him weren't on talking terms, so I texted one of the bishopric, and I was like, “How do I get in contact with people from the church out here?” I swear to you, in an hour there were two sisters knocking at my hospital door and how they got in during Covid time, no idea, but they were there. They were like, “Hey, we heard that you're dying and need some help.” I was sitting there with a breathing tube in my nose on oxy 'cause I'm dead. And then I'm like, “Hey, yeah, it's great.” And so they invited me to go to the singles ward, and at the [00:17:00] time it was a Young Single Adult ward.
Now it is a Single Adult ward. I met this man named Jim Knuckles. He was my bishop at the time. He's one of my good friends now. And he welcomed me with just open arms. At the time I didn't appreciate it as much, but that ward has helped me so much in my life and he's helped me so much in my life.
He welcomed me in. And this is when we were having church in the courtyard because of Covid. You couldn't be out there. The chairs were like four feet apart ‘cause you’re not supposed to be with each other. It was such a weird time. It’s like crazy. I was just telling my friend outside my door, you could see the beach and it’s just jam packed. When I first moved here, there was not a soul on the beach. When it comes to talking with my bishop and stuff like that, I'm very honest with him and open about what I've done and all this stuff.
And you know, I joke around and sometimes he'll get a little uncomfortable, and I'm like, all right, I did my job. There you go. Get you out of your comfort zone. But he really helped me. He knew that I was having problems with drinking and drugs and, you know, people who say they're only drug addicts or only alcoholics, I don't think that's true, 'cause one just leads right into the other.
ASHLY
Yeah.
COLTON
At least in my experience. I should say some people are different. But I was still working, I was still partying. I [00:18:00] was going to downtown San Diego all the time. I just didn't really care. I was flying to Dallas to Miami to do all of this stuff and it was just nonstop.
The money I was spending, the drugs I was doing, the alcohol I was drinking. It was terrible. It was really bad looking back at it. I think everything in life happens for a reason. I’m not saying that I missed all that ‘cause I don’t, but I’m grateful that I got it out of me early and I’ve come away uncarved as much as I have.
So this brings us to where my story gets a little interesting. I'm going to church like every other week. And I was in Phoenix. I was out there. I had just driven my Mustang with my dad from Boise, Idaho, to Phoenix, 'cause we were transporting it so my mom could have the car.
We got out there and I took my friend out to dinner, and then he wanted to go to Scottsdale. I had been drinking. Fortunately I wasn't over the limit or anything, but I was driving, in my friend's truck on the 101 near Indian School Road.
There was a motorcycle in the HOV Lane. He was an off-duty cop on his own personal motorcycle. He cut across all four lanes. I was going [00:19:00] 111 miles an hour in my truck. And I smacked him. I didn't have time to stop. We went flying off the intersection and both me and my friend were fine as well as, fortunately the officer is fine.
We actually still talk to him and his family. He's doing good. I started to realize that I needed to get my crap together because I had just almost killed someone.
Obviously the alcohol did not help whatsoever, and I didn't have any drugs in my system, which is great. I was on the way to go do drugs, not gonna lie, at Scottsdale, but fortunately this man was alive. He was okay. He was driving under the influence—he had coke in his system as well. So that really helped my case a ton.
But he was a good Christian man. He was a good guy in general. When it came to sentencing and stuff, it was about a year and a half long process. And to say that I was optimistic would be lying, I knew I was going to jail. It was either jail or prison. I didn’t know how long, but I knew the evidence and the facts were there.
I grew closer to God. I also started [00:20:00] partying even harder because it was my last hoorah. Part of me thinks it was a bad thing. Part of me thinks it was a good thing. My mind was telling me yes, in my mind, I was telling me no. I finally got sentenced, and we're at the sentencing and the district attorney told me, “You are such a good young man. You seem like you've got a great heart. Your character letters are great.” My aunt was there. She's been here through my whole entire life, through my partying, through my addiction as I'll call it. Everything. I mean, 'cause it's taken me a long time to say that I'm an addict, but I'm an addict a hundred percent. But, you know, she was there. He gave her a hug, shook my hand, gave me a hug, wished me luck, wished me nothing but the best. He had to get a kidney transplant because of the accident. And he's a great guy.
I'm very happy that I can say that I was able to talk with him, or still talk to him now, I guess. So I got sent to Maricopa County Jail. Lovely establishment. I went to Lower Buckeye Jail. That's where they had me for about two weeks, I wanna say, before they shipped me [00:21:00] off to Alhambra.
And at Alhambra, we were figuring out where we're supposed to go. We were there for about a week, and unfortunately, Covid was still prevalent at the time, and somebody tested positive for Covid. So we had to go to Buckeye, like the actual prison Buckeye, and be in a two-man cell for two weeks while we quarantined.
It was awful. And I remember sitting there on my bunk, just praying, “Please, I know I've effed up, but could you please get me out of this because I promise you I will come closer. I will be with you.” So he answered those prayers in some interesting ways to say the least.
I went in, and I went to an institution in Yuma. And, La Paz was my unit, and I asked the first person there, “Can I get a Bible and a Book of Mormon?” And they're like, “Oh, you're, you're Mormon.” I'm like, “Yeah, that's me. I'm [00:22:00] Mormon,” 'cause obviously we hadn't ordered anything off commissary yet. He told me, “Sundays at two o'clock, you're more than welcome to come. They've got brothers that come in from the Yuma branch and they teach us.” I was like, “Cool. That sounds great.”
So I did it for a couple weeks. I joined a Bible study that was every morning at 7:00 a.m. So I went to this non-denominational Bible study, and this guy, he was so impressed with my knowledge of the Book of Mormon. And let me tell you, I did not have a knowledge of the Book of Mormon. It was one specific verse and it was Ether 12:27, because I love it, because it says, “I'm gonna tear you down to build you right back up.”
And that's the best thing that I needed. 'Cause at that situation, we all could relate to that. But, so I met a guy in there, his name was T. I called him my companion because ultimately my time at prison was my mission as I called it. He was great. Me and him [00:23:00] one night decided that, hey, we really wanna start a Family Home Evening.
We rented a room out. We started with two people in this Family Home Evening. Since I was lucky enough to have my aunt putting money on my books, I bought the treats and desserts for everybody that came. Like I said, the first time we did it was two people. Then that same week we started bible study on Wednesday, which was already a thing, but I kind of tried to enhance it a little bit.
And then we did Institute on Thursday nights because Institute's a huge part. It was really cool because everyone came. It wasn't one religion over the other, it was non-denominational. Everyone come on in, share what you have for us. And from that, we gained so many people that started asking us questions.
And it went from us doing one tiny room of me and T being my companion, to 30 to 40 people that were coming. All races, all ages. Yeah. And in there, race is a big thing. You [00:24:00] can’t usually intertwine. But we didn't care. We were so happy that we had everyone in there inspired to be with us. I created lesson plans. I have a book in there that I kept, 'cause I wrote a bunch of lessons out of the Liahona that we ordered all of this stuff and people would see me walking on there. And my nickname in there, or my jail name, whatever you wanna call it, was Preacher.
Fortunately when you have the nickname Preacher, nobody really wants to mess with you because they're like, oh look, a godly fellow. It was awesome. We had done this for a couple months and the holidays were coming up.
Christmas fell on a Sunday and New Year's Day fell on a Sunday. I was like, I'm gonna make burritos and we're gonna just hand them out to everybody. We made over about 50 burritos. We had probably 20 people come, which means everyone got pretty much two burritos, which was perfect because, 'cause as you know, in there, some families completely dropped these people and there is no financial support, there's no emotional support or love, I noticed that.
And so on fast Sundays, we did break the fast together. I made burritos, [00:25:00]everything like that. And every time we would meet and do something, I would try to have a snack there.
I'm not happy I went to prison by any means whatsoever, but I'm happy because I got to serve what I call my mission and seeing people who had nothing all of a sudden come to you, “Colton. Colton, I got a letter from someone and they put 20 bucks on my commissary. Someone I haven't talked to in 20 years.” That's not a coincidence.
ASHLY
Mm-hmm.
COLTON
It’s Heavenly Father working his magic. And I love it.
ASHLY
Mm-hmm.
COLTON: It was so amazing to just sit back and actually watch all of this unfold. We originally assigned people to go check on each other. We only had about like 10 people that actually would do it.
So we would take one Saturday out of the month 'cause I was in there for six months. But we would always go, and go to every single bunk possible. And if they weren't there, we would leave a note. Not a scripture, because sometimes people in there, they don't want a scripture, they just want to know how are you doing?
It's just nice to talk to someone. So we did all of [00:26:00] this, and we had a great time doing it. So you could write a letter and fill out a form and send it to Utah, to this prison ministry, and it was from the church and you could do it once a week and order a Book of Mormon. You could order Come Follow Me, you could order all this. I was handing Come Follow Me's out, Book a Mormon's out like candy, I was truly being a missionary and walking around, people would hear about me, they'd come to it, “Are we allowed in?”
And they're like, “Well, this is our crime.” And I was like, “I don't care what your crime is. Come on in, everyone's welcome. It doesn't matter.” And so when I left, I gave 30 Book of Mormons that I had stacked on my desk. 20-something Come Follow Me’s. And then we had an additional 15 of the three, because it has like the Book of Mormon, Doctrine & Covenants, and then Pearl of Great Price on it.
I was sending money to T while he was still in there so he could continue to do it. It was cool. It was a unique experience. Like I said, not great that we went to prison, but it's okay.
ASHLY
So God works all things to the good.
COLTON
Exactly. So I got released, on [00:27:00] April 30th, 2023. Came back here, started my probation in Oceanside, California.
I was going to church pretty frequently. And then my dad called me one day and was like, “Hey, we need to talk.” And I was like, “Sure. What's up?” And he goes, “So when you were in prison, there's something I didn't tell you. I was diagnosed with two years to live.” And I just broke down.
And I was like, “What are you talking about? And he's like, “Well, remember when I went up to McCall?” And I was like, “Yeah, I remember.” And he is like, “Well, I went to the hospital. I fell skiing and I couldn't get up.”
And I was like, “Oh my gosh. What the heck is going on?” And so he was like, “Well, all the drinking I've done, it's all the damage that I've done to my liver. It's beyond repairable at this point.” He wasn't telling his brothers, wasn't telling his sister. He didn't want to worry people. But I knew, and one of my cousins knew as well, so me and her would converse about it. It really hit me. It hit me so hard, and I went through a little bit of a phase where [00:28:00] I'm like, “Why the heck would God do this?” I had a great support system. It's not like I was lacking support.
My Aunt Adrianne, she was the biggest supporter. I have Tony, who's a great guy out here. His wife Susie, my aunt and uncle out here, Rob and Kathleen. This happened for about probably a year. I was on and off with church.
My dad called me. This [00:29:00] was in June of 2024, so we're gonna skip ahead a year. Anyway, so he calls me, and he's crying, and I'm like, “It's not good, is it?”
Because he was going for a checkup and he goes, “I have three to six months to live.” “Well that means I need you out here asap. We're gonna get you out here. I just moved into a new apartment, so I was like, I want you to see the new place. Come see the dog one more time and then we'll go out to see mom.”
Now, the reason I kind of leave mom out is because she has been, I don't wanna say a negative part of my journey. But it's damaged. It's not repairable right now. The amount of money I've spent, the amount of things she's stolen from me, my aunt, hurtful things. She said she doesn't realize when she's drunk, what she does.
We've put her into a couple rehabs. The biggest thing that hurts is she's chosen the addiction over me. And, you know, everyone's addiction is different. I completely understand. But it really hurt me in the heart. It really [00:30:00] did. So that's why she's kind of out of this right now.
He told me this and created this plan. He was gonna come out, we were gonna drive to Phoenix, see her at her rehab center, which you're gonna love this. She was at the downtown Phoenix Salvation Army Rehabilitation Center.
ASHLY
Are you serious? Oh my gosh.
COLTON
Yeah, so she's there. She loved it. So we were gonna go see her and I flew out there. I would fly out pretty much every weekend. And, I went to bed the night before my birthday, July 27th. And I remember waking up at three in the morning to this knocking at my door. It was my dad. He always had problems sleeping, but this was different.
And I just remember him being like, I need you to help me with something. I'm like, okay, what's up? So I put some clothes on real quick. I go out and trying to install a door stopper, and I'm like, what, what is going on? So he finally goes to sleep. I go to bed, it's my birthday. He comes upstairs and he has this blank face. And [00:31:00] this is where he started to go downhill. He remembered it was my birthday after I mentioned it to him. He kind of got upset with me on my birthday because I wouldn't give him his car keys. And at the time he could not drive. I mean, it was bad. So I had to hide stuff. Dad started to go downhill pretty quick. At the time I was out here, I had my own office, and I was going five days a week here and then flew out two days there.
But, I mean I was running myself ragged, and he got really bad. I went out there for about two straight weeks, and then my uncle was going out there for them, and then my aunt was out there all the time so we had a good support system. But on August 21st, 2024, I got a call from my aunt saying that he had passed.
And I was happy that he finally went because as he told me, he doesn't wanna live that way, you know? Well, I took all of that so bad. My mom is in rehab. I have no way of any family support. My aunt is supportive, but she had also just lost a son. And so [00:32:00] she's dealing with her own stuff. And I wasn't trying to be a burden. I had great support here, but I didn't care. All I thought was, I want to go party, I want to go drink. I just, I don't want to be Colton. I don't want to be the person that's trying to be nice.
I just want to go and be whatever. We laid him to rest on October 15th, 2024. And after that, I came home. Then we went to visit mom. I stopped in Phoenix on the way back from Boise and showed her the slideshow. She was not able to go, as you probably know, you are not allowed out of the rehab center once you're in.
They were not letting her go, just in case it ruined her rehab. And, I took that to heart. My aunt and uncle were there for me during the whole entire thing. So, I mean, it's not like I was alone, but I felt alone. I felt that my mom should have been doing this, should have been there to help me.
I drank, did cocaine, smoked weed. It was my escape. Fast forward to December of last year, and I had a stroke. I was in Boise, Idaho, and I remember one [00:33:00] morning I had done drugs the previous week after a football game at Boise State.
They were in my system still, so they contribute a lot of that to it as well. I started seeing things moving. Furniture was turning into people. It was the weirdest thing. I saw my dad, 'cause we sold one of his Mustangs to the lady across the street and it doesn't move.
Well, I was looking out the bay window and I could see my dad sitting in the car and I was like, this is it. This is it. I ended up going to the hospital, coming home. They said that I had a minor stroke that was stress induced.
You know how they do that thing where you look at the face, they say smile. Well, my face was down here, so not a fun time to say the least. I started hallucinating again a couple days later, and I ended up just having to be, just pretty much at home doing absolutely nothing. This was Christmas.
I felt like an idiot. I felt like my family was judging me, but they weren't, they weren't judging me at all. Maybe they were, I don't know. I went back home to Oceanside. It's all alone here. And my bishop and [00:34:00] I, at the time, like I said, Mr. Knuckles, were supposed to go and do something.
I'm not sure what we're supposed to do. And it was like a couple days after I had continued to do cocaine. Was I happy? Absolutely not. Especially 'cause I was masking it. 'Cause holidays without a parent, the first year, it was horrendous. It was awful. I woke up on the floor, I had a seizure again. And so I had had four missed calls from my bishop and two missed calls from a friend. I called him back. I was stuttering. I thought I had another stroke and they took me to Scripps Medical Encinitas down the road.
My EKG came back fine, thankfully. But the one lining thing in there was you had cocaine in your system. It was for a couple days that I just laid here on the couch and kind of recovered. And then I thought about it and I'm like, my dad would be so disappointed in me right now.
He did not want me to go through this. And so I decided that I was gonna go through this darn thing and I was gonna do [00:35:00] it the whole way. I kind of went church hopping for a little bit. There is a huge need for single adults in the church, and I never realized that.
Well, so the one that we have in San Diego County is now at our building 'cause they consolidated into one thing. So we have anywhere from 21 year olds to 45 year olds. And so I really wasn't about it, and I was like, you know, I'm good. So I went to the ward that I'm in now, the Harbor Ward, which is a family ward because I see myself starting a family within the next year.
My girlfriend, Angelica, lives in Vegas. She's a teacher as well. She loves kids and she's a recovering addict as well. She's six years clean. And then ever since my journey of being sober, she has decided to become sober. She's an amazing support to have.
I went from the Harbor ward, the family ward, to a singles ward, like a YSA. They were too young because all of them are either just getting back from their mission, playing sports, whatever. I'm over here, I've got like four different jobs. I'm like, “I gotta go to bed.” They're all [00:36:00] like, “Let's go out.”
And I'm like, no. Then I did my old ward, and then I went to the LA Jolla singles ward as well. And so I ultimately decided on a family ward. I hopped right in. I started to do double church for a little bit, which I don't do often anymore.
But I'd go back to the Tory Pines ward. Family Home Evening, I've taught Family Home Evening now a couple times. Institute class, my aunt and uncle Rob and Kathleen, they teach it. They're actually teaching it tonight, 'cause this is Thursday. So I will be able to actually go up and see them today.
The biggest thing for me has been daily scripture studies, praying on my knees. I used to think it was the dumbest thing to get on your knees and pray, but I love it. I do it all the time now, during the day at night, whatever it is.
Then out of nowhere, my cousin Becky, she's the one who turned me onto your podcast. She's like, this guy relates to you a lot. He's a drug addict, you could relate to this. And I was like, all right, cool. And I listened to it on a walk and I was like,[00:37:00] this was amazing. And so I didn't listen again for a couple days.
One of the other things that happened was like, my biggest supporter here in Oceanside, his name is Tony Stand, and he owns a sports bar down by the harbor. And he asked me, he is like, “Hey, do you wanna go and do recycling and trash in the morning? Keep the cash.” I'm like, yeah, sure. So I think he knew what he was doing 'cause I knew he cares about me a lot. And I love him to death.
I had to be up by the bar at 6:30 every morning. So it got me into that routine. So this routine consisted of your podcast, and I listened every morning. I am on November 23rd, 2024 right now. So I'm still about a year behind, but I made it a point every day I've listened to one of your podcasts, and your story's remarkable. Your husband's story's remarkable, but the people you have on are so raw and it's relatable.
It's so relatable. We counted this morning on our way to the temple. I have 21 people. I send a summary and I send your podcast from Apple Podcast to every [00:38:00] single day.
ASHLY
Oh my gosh.
COLTON
Yeah, it's been incredible. But, so I do that every single day and then the scripture studies at night, and then the most important thing is getting back to the temple.
And I have motivation for it due to the fact that losing my dad hurt, it really did. But I know he truly believed he may have acted like an atheist, but he grew up Catholic and I know he knows that there was something. When he was going, one of my aunts sat with him and he admitted that he wanted to give his life for Christ.
And this was probably a week before he passed away. It hit me so hard. And my uncle who lives in Omaha, he and I have plans that I'm going to do his work in the temple. And it makes me really happy. It makes me sad, but in a good way. Not in a bad way, because I know that I'm doing my part.
I'm doing as much as I can for him, for myself, and I know that he would want me to be sober. So as of today, what day is it? It's the third. I am 93 [00:39:00]days sober and clean. It's amazing. I was talking with my current bishop a lot two weeks ago and he's like, “Do you even think about drinking and drugs?”
And I was like, “It actually makes me wanna throw up thinking about that.” Yeah, the temple has been such a amazing place for me to go back. I try to go once a week. I went to the LA Temple for my friend's sealing. Oh my goodness. It is huge. It's absolutely massive. I never knew that you walked from room to room. I didn't know that. It was really neat to me. I've started wearing garments again. Won't lie, I hate wearing the tops because I'm just not used to wearing an extra layer yet.
I mean, I told myself that if I'm gonna do this, I'm gonna do it. I'm to my full stability and I want to be a part of this church. Anything that they ask of me, I try to do. That includes friends too. I've started to get really good friends and they're actually from my old ward, but I've started to have a really good friend group.
Seth being one of them. Our buddy Ryan, Taryn, a couple of other people that are just really just been strong suits for me. But this [00:40:00] church has just been insanely incredibly amazing and I owe a lot to the people around me.
I owe a lot to your podcast. The people that you have on are so cool. I mean, it must be amazing to do what you do.
ASHLY
I love it so much. I think that one of the things that made a big difference for me when I was newly sober, 'cause I had been to treatment like 15 times, and I had tried and tried and tried, and when I decided to come back to church, my focus shifted because all those rehabs I had gone to, it was like the focus was always on stopping using drugs and alcohol.
That was the focus. Stopping using drugs and alcohol. What's wrong with me? Why can't I stop? How do I fix this thing in here that's making me do this? And then when I got out of the Salvation Army, the Salvation Army really had reintroduced me to Christ. I was starting to learn more about Christ 'cause it was a Christian based program.
And then, when I got out, I had this vision in my mind of [00:41:00] who I wanted to be. And I had shifted my focus from “stop doing all these drugs” to “who do I want to become?” And it was so transformative for me because I wanted to be somebody that was honest and did the right thing. It was like the spiritual part of my life.
I just couldn't get enough of these spiritual things 'cause they were healing for my heart, you know? I see that in your story, that you're like, I'm back. I am back. I'm doing the thing. Like whatever they ask me to do, I'm doing it.
COLTON
Exactly. I think one thing that I relate with you is that you want to be somebody that is a productive member of not only the church, but just society in general. Like you said, I mean, I've just hopped in. There's been so many people along the way that have helped me. It's not all me, but the biggest thing—without Christ, without this church, there's absolutely no way.[00:42:00]
That was one thing that I'm gonna say the theme of your podcast that I have just mentioned to so many people is that when you come back, and I truly mean this, and I agree with all your guests that have said this, it is home. It feels like home. And even going to a new ward. It was home. It still was home.
I wasn't nervous. I wasn't anything. The first time back I was home. Was there a lot that needed to be improved on? Oh yeah. A lot. But it felt like, all right, we're back. Here we go.
ASHLY
I love when we get to that point in the story on the podcast where people are coming, you know?
COLTON
It's so fun to hear every time when I listen to it in the mornings. The biggest thing too is their tender mercies. Yes, there are the miracles that everyone sees, but it's like the little things that they see on the way that leads to the big thing. And you're like, who knew?
ASHLY
Yep, yep.
COLTON
I love it.
ASHLY
Your desire to do what's right, increases. You choose to live this way. It's not because you have to. You are choosing [00:43:00] to live this way for you. And I think that's a shift that some people have once they come back, you know, is that they choose it for themself.
COLTON
I think that's the big thing. I had been to the temple once, right when I got out of prison. But I didn't feel like I was doing it for myself. I felt like I was doing it for the people around me, and I didn't get to really enjoy it. And of course, your first time in the temple, you're looking everywhere. You're like, what does this mean? But now that I came back to this church and I went back for the first time in February, it's for me. It's for no one else. It's for me. When you do it for yourself, it feels so much better.
ASHLY
Well, and you're doing it because you want to bring God into your life. Because you wanna have that relationship with your Savior and with your Heavenly Father.
COLTON
One of the best things I remember from your podcast or your first one that you said was like, you walked in after prison thinking, “Oh, everyone's staring at me. Everyone's judging me.” It's the same thing I felt, but then it was crazy. As soon as Sacrament ended, people were like, “Oh my gosh, it's so good to [00:44:00] see you.”
And you're like, oh, okay, cool.
ASHLY
Yeah, and you know what? You get to the point where you don't care what anybody else thinks. It's whatever.
Like it’s so freeing to be able to show up just because you’re choosing to.
COLTON
I know. It's remarkable. And the church has been great. Once you get that friend group with the church as well, I think your life just gets so much better because a lot of my friends — it's not that they don't like the church by any means, they support me, but it's more that they're gonna judge. They're not gonna understand certain things. And fortunately a lot of my friends have been so supportive of the no drinking and no partying. And there have been friends that have left and that's okay. We're just on different paths.
ASHLY
Yep. Yep. Absolutely. It is really incredible when you can find your people that you can share spiritual experiences with. You know what I mean? Like when you have people in your life that you can talk about spiritual experiences and how God interacts with humanity.
COLTON
It is so cool. I used to think it was really weird and now like I'm part of it and I love it. I love every bit of it.
ASHLY
Love it. Well, man, your story's so good. I'm [00:45:00] so proud of you for 90 days clean and sober, and so awesome. I'm really excited to see where things go from here. I hope that you'll keep us on your journey, and you just have a great spirit about you.
COLTON
Thank you.
ASHLY
I'm pretty sure that God needs you. I'm so happy you're back.
COLTON
Thank you. I appreciate it .