CONTENT WARNING: This episode contains sensitive content that may be triggering or offensive to some audiences. Parental discretion is advised.
"So I go into disobedience council and I told them my story. The love that these brethren had - how they treated this sinner, how they treated this gay man, was probably the most spiritual experience I have had, and I have had some big ones. These people loved me, this was the atonement. This is how it works. The Lord is going to bless me, He has continually blessed me and forgiven me."
Come Back Podcast
Transcript
ASHLY
00:00
Um, well, let's go ahead and just start at the beginning. I I'd love to hear, you know, what was your younger years like in the church? And you know, where where it kind of started?
TODD
00:13
All right? Well, I was actually raised by a mom that was a member of the church and a dad that was not. And my mom, for all of us kids, had us goin’ to church and my dad wasn't a member, but she was a very strong member. So we stayed pretty close to the church. And I mean, she was the rock as far as spirituality came. And when I was little, I was kind of, I don't know if I was the black sheep right from the start, but I stole my dad's beer, and I smoked his cigarettes behind the tree. And I was kind of that one. My dad was like, to all of my older brothers, “Where's my beer?” And me in first grade, going ‘duh duh, duh duh …” And they’d be like … “Which one of you boys stole…” Anyways, so it was this little first grader.
ASHLY
Oh, my gosh.
TODD
We had quite a go. But that's not how my life, I mean, that was just a small time. And really, I was raised so well, it was crazy. I was raised so good. My dad actually passed away when I was nine. And so my mom remarried. And we lived in Idaho Falls, and then we moved to Rigby so I was nine years old in Rigby, and going to school there. Even at home, I got baptized by my, one of our neighbors and, and I even at the time, clear back then I thought, “You know what, there's something different about me” and I just had this attraction to my friends. And I was I, you know, I literally was a gay boy that didn't want to be gay or know anything about it. So I literally dealt, this was clear back in 1970-something; I dealt with, this is the worst thing ever. And, you know, I thought “something's wrong with me” for so, so long. Most of my life, you know, growing up. So it was tough. It was really, really tough. Because all my family were into sports, and I love sports. I just truly tried to follow my brothers’ footsteps, and they were football players and basketball players. And I was pretty fast. And I you know, I was pretty good in sports. But at the same time, I always had this, this connection, same-sex attraction. And it was horrible because I thought I was such a horrible guy and horrible kid. And there's nobody to talk to, and, and so I went through a lot of just really self doubt of what is going on in my, myself and, and it just continued on, till I was a sophomore in high school. And when I was a sophomore, I actually had a, an experience with a kid, which just sent me backward. And I was like, “Oh, I hate being gay. Being gay is the worst thing I can think of. There's something wrong with me. That is the worst.” And you know, in our church at that time, there wasn't a lot of answers. This was, this was truly back in the day when, you know, we didn't know very much about it. And so I was right in that middle of I truly have something that's not right. So I continued on and I went through high school and played all the sports and tried to get any gay thoughts out. I went to seminary, but I got kicked out of seminary. There's just, there’s something off, but I always wanted to go on a mission. So I was gonna go. I was like, “You know what, I go on a mission, this gay stuff’s gonna stop, because that's what they told me. I won't be gay anymore. If I can just go and I'll pray it away. And it'll leave.” I went on a mission. And it was funny. I went into the MTC—this is how much I knew. Go into the MTC, go to my first class, and they go, “Hey, why don't you turn to like First Nephi.” So I'm flipping through the Bible, and everybody's waiting and I'm, “Come on, Nephi…” Sure enough, “Hey, Todd, or, Elder McKinley, you're in the wrong book.” That's kind of how I started. So I get into the mission field, and I'm like, “Finally I'm here. I'm going to, I'm going to change, my feelings will change,” because that's kind of what they told me, you know, that's what's gonna happen. So I had a wonderful trainer. And our first place that we went was actually to a fair. At this fair we were trying to get, we were proselyting, but we had a booth. And we were doing something with dirt and gold. And I'm looking around and this kid comes up and looks at me and I look at him and I'm like, “Oh, my gosh, what is happening?” This dude is just so cute. So and I'm like, this is horrible. I'm on my mission. And this is happening to me. So thank goodness, he lived in Long Beach, and I lived in Selma, California, that was my first area and I was like, I cannot stay out here. I can’t stay on this mission and not know that what I'm doing is true. So I said to my companion, and I said, “You know, I've got to figure this out. I've got to figure out if The Church is true.” And he says, “Well, I want you to go back into that room, into the closet. I want you to start praying.” So I said, “Okay, I will,” and I'm back there and I prayed back there for an hour. And I'm just begging, begging to receive an answer, “Is the church true? Is Joseph Smith the prophet?”
TODD
06:33
I'm just there for probably another half hour. All of the sudden, it was almost like a light. This warm, unbelievable, like, buttery, light that hit my heart. And it was like, it wasn't only was it true, it was extra true. It was The Church is true. So now, I have got what I wanted. I was able to finish out my mission. Very good. I, in fact, I became an assistant to the president. Loved my mission, it was the best thing ever. Because I knew The Church was true. I didn't have these gay feelings and stuff out there. And if I did, I just pushed him behind. Like, you know what, it's all right. It just moves on. So I get home, things are great. I actually get a calling to where I'm teaching. In primary things are awesome. And, and of course, you quit reading and you quit praying, and you quit doing those things. And so you start looking around and you start off, you know, some of those stupid feelings are coming back. I'm like, “What is going on?” And I'm trying to date and I'm like, these are the cutest girls, because I'm not giving them the time of day except for a few minutes, and they're all over the idea. And I'm like, man, I can't hardly wait to get out of this date. And it's just like, why again, I don't want to be gay. So I was like, “Well, I've just got to work through this.” And so I would do things like, I was a coach. In high school football, I was a JV coach, Junior High coach, coached my little brother. I actually became a cop and so I thought you know what, all these manly whatever things that were happening was going to help me to overcome this and I'm dating these girls and and I'm like, “I don't know what's happening, man. But this is not working.” I'm not feeling right about it. So of course things happen to where I start, like looking at at guys and I'm just hating it. And I'm, I just don't really know what to do. But I graduate from Rick's college, I go to ISU. And for whatever reason, of course, I meet another man. And that was the start of me coming out. And so I actually moved from Idaho Falls to the ZCMI in Salt Lake City. And now I'm a full fledged gay man that has been going on some weekly trips and trying to go to different places and and find gay people and trying to live that, and see what that lifestyle is about, and I ended up of course, moving there. And I started to drink and do the things that most gay people do. And so I drank and I partied, and I was having sexual relations and going to bars and really just enjoying what I knew to be the gay lifestyle. Finally, you know, like, “Oh, I'm so gay.” And so I continued on, and on. And of course, it always catches up to you— the drinking and the partyin’, and the more you start needing it, and you become addicted. And I was actually in the hospital twice with acute pancreatitis, because of drinking. I was doing, I don't know how much coke a day, but I became just a true piece of work. And got me a boyfriend, thought that might help calm that down. He cheated on me and I cheated on him. And that's kind of the gay lifestyle at that time. I think it's probably kind of that way even now. And I thought, “You know what, I'm done with this life. Just done.” And so I went and found a secluded place and I stuck a piece of hose from the back and to the front, closed up the window and threw some cocaine out the, out the window. And thought, “You know what, this is the end, I'm done. Now, my, my time has come, I just want to just leave, go home.” And all I did is I woke up and I had black and my nose and in my ears. And in my, every part of my body was just black. And I'm like, “Oh, my heavens, I can't even kill myself. So I'm now sicker than a dog and my gosh, this is just horrible. And I'm still here. And so I kind of pick up my life again, and, and continually do the same things. And I ended up actually buying—not buying, I actually was a manager of my first bar. And then I ended up buying or being involved in two more bars. So now I was in the bar business, which is probably the worst thing that a alcoholic and someone like me could do. But of course, I did it. I did that probably for the next, gosh, 10 years. And it just was amazing to me, I always thought you know, I would be dead and and I had three roommates that literally killed themselves and it just was a common thing to do back then. And we just didn't know how to handle our problems and and I had this suicide pact with one of my best friends and and he committed suicide and I was like no, it's not a time for me. I’m not going to do it yet. And so I was like, oh my, this is just just a horrible, horrible thing. And my life became to the point of, I was literally living week to week to where it's like you know, it doesn't really matter what I do this week, because next week I'm going to be dead. And so I live my way to you know what, and I tried a couple I tried some pills to overdose on and I just, it that didn't work I tried one more time with the exhaust and other I thought you know what, my BMW must have some really good exhaust because it sure doesn't kill me very good. So I just like this, this this life was so bad that I was I was this was the time of where AIDS was so prevalent. And so you're always trying to watch yourself and and watch others and know that there was chances you might get something and I one time I actually got hepatitis and I thought you know what, I'm going to die of AIDS and I thought that's that's good. And so I I waited for this sickness to come on and it never came on and I'm like well you know what, then I'm gonna just you know sleep with this guy that has AIDS because then I'll be gone. Of course that didn't work. I literally was living day to day like, what is my next move, I just want to be out of this life. And at that time that this was about 2008, and the financial crisis, or it's going on, and the bars weren't doing too well, the country wasn't doing too well. And my mom called and said that she, that my stepfather had fell on her, and that he was going to go to assisted living, and she was in the hospital, and she wanted me to come home. And I thought, oh, gosh, okay, you know what else I might as well try and come home. And it took me a bit actually to get home because I was so I'm so addicted to everything. I'm so addicted to alcohol and drugs, and I just didn't know quite how that was gonna work. And, and anyways, I make it home. Every weekend, I would come back to Salt Lake and party, because I just was still in my body and my soul. And that was what I was gonna do. I had 2010 I drove, I think it was just after Christmas. And I decided I'd start drinking. Just I was going down to party, and I got a DUI.
16:28
And I was a mess. I was a mess. And thank goodness, I got pulled over. I can't remember lots about it, except that I was in jail. And because I was a cop. I remember I had another DUI that was earlier and I was like, “You know what, just don't blow. Don't blow, don't blow, and everything will be better. They might take your license.” But as, I knew this because I was a cop. Well, I didn't know they changed the law. So they changed the law. So if you they can actually get a court order and take your blood. So I'm in jail and all the jailers are coming up and you know what? We're gonna come and take your blood we got a court order. I said, “No, you're not.” I had a fight with them. And anyways, they got away with my blood. So I'm like, “Oh, no, I'm now really screwed. I am just, it's done. It's a done deal.” I am. I don't even know what's going to happen now. Because I'd have to have a breathalyzer in my car. I knew I'd have to have jail time. I knew that there would be a lot of things that would happen. It wasn't you know, I'd been charged with that DUIs before. So it didn't look too good for me. And so I
17:42
I went home and I thought, “You know what, I really am going to kill myself this time, and I'm going to use a gun.”
17:52
So I go into my stepfather's guns, pulled out a gun, got really drunk, said “You know what, this is done. I'm over this this life.” And I went outside, put a bullet in the chamber. And I shot it against the fence just to make sure it worked.
18:17
And ejected the bullet, put another bullet in, put it straight into my head and shot, and it didn't go off.
ASHLY
Mmh.
TODD
“Are you kidding me?” So I ejected this bullet, like “Did I have one in?” and it flies out.
18:39
I put another bullet in, and I shoot against the the fence again and it goes off. I'm like, “Are you freaking kidding me?” And I just sat and I bawled, and I cried and I cried. And I'm like, “Why? Why do I have to go through this? I hate this being gay. I hate everything about the church.” My mom says, “Hey, maybe we ought to go to church,” and I said, “You know what? You ever asked me to go to church again and I will never go to church, I promise you.” And she never did again. But what a wonderful mother. She was the most unbelievable loving mom and and I had the most unbelievable loving family that that has been by my side as a gay person and as a addict. So I was pretty lucky that that I had my mom and she took a bunch of my crap and so my my next fail of suicide didn't work and and I was like well I went back to work and and life was pretty bad and and I still have these addictions and I said, my buddy, Brian, that I told you about earlier, says, “Hey, why don't you come to an addiction recovery program? And you can just tell people how you got over drinking.” Well, he didn't realize that I was still drinking. But I said “Okay, I'll come,” and I'll, I'll lie to him and tell them how good I've been and this and that. And so I went, and this addiction recovery program was the first time I'd actually felt the Spirit. Again, in some way, shape, or form, and I'm like, wow, this is, that's pretty cool. And left. And, and I would go periodically, I still, of course, had addictions to where I was drinking and watching porn. And, and I, the one thing that I didn't do is, is do drugs or go back to Salt Lake City. So I was getting farther ahead. And I was then as he says, “Hey, Todd, can you or do you want to come and my son has a, he's getting off his mission, and they're having his welcome home talk.” And I said, “You know, I haven't been to church in 15 years,” I says, “but you know what, I’ll show up.” So I go to this welcome home. And I was late, of course, and I sit on the back of this chapel. I actually was in the gym, there was that many people, but I was on the back row. And he started to talk and all these feelings of the mission and the Spirit. The Spirit came back and just overwhelmed me. And I'm sitting and I'm bawling. On the back row, I'm like, “Are you freaking kidding me?” And I am just wiping tears. And this is nuts, that I am so, so emotional over this. And I just, it hit me so hard. And I was like, “Oh, my gosh, it’s the Spirit again, the Lord loves me. He, he's giving me something he, he saved me. He's done these things for me.” And now, I felt that same spirit that I had in the mission field. So it was the start, it was the start of something good. And I, from that time, I had then gone back in April, I was supposed to go see the judge about my DUI. So I ended up on my birthday, April 19th. Go in and I, my lawyer is there that used to be my lawyer when I was in the bar business? He goes, “Well, let's take a look at this DVD and just see how this this DUI worked out for you see what you did.” And how I go, this is gonna be awful. So we're putting in this DVD so we can watch it. And it's not working. And I'm like, you know, we'll fix it. I mean, I'm kind of embarrassed, I know this is going to be bad. So he kept working on it and working on it goes, Okay. I'm going to tell the prosecutor it doesn't work. But I'm gonna go get your blood alcohol limit, and we're going to just see where this goes. So he leaves and he goes to the prosecutor, and he goes, “You know, we need to get the blood alcohol then for trial and decide what we're going to do.” And the prosecutor says, “We don't have it. We lost it. Now we can reschedule. Or you guys can take a less, something less DUI to where you just have to pay a fine, do some community service and go to an alcohol class.”
ASHLY
Wow.
TODD
And my my lawyer was like, “What? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah.” He goes, “I've never seen this. This is crazy, Todd.” My mom had driven me to this court hearing. First thing she says, “This is a miracle, Todd.” I go, “Oh my gosh, I know what a crazy, the Lord is looking out for me. And he wants me to live. He wants me to to be able to help others.” And so this was the beginning of me trying to get sober. So I, I never went back to Salt Lake after that point. And so that It took out the idea of, of drugs. And I got over the drinking part through some, just between my mom and me and, and I never had a smoking problem, so that wasn't a big deal. And I probably was working on this now for a, probably a year and a half and, and I, I started to recognize and see some things about pioneers and I'm like, “Oh, the pioneer stories” and blah, blah, blah. So I actually picked up this book at Deseret Book: The Undaunted by Gerald Lund. And it was a book that is just amazing is a story of a young boy that became a member of The Church, he started in London. But it was a, it was a pioneer-type story to where these people sacrificed, died. And just, you've seen 17 miracles, and I just bawled my eyes out. It's like, “Oh, that had been nothing, through nothing compared to these people, that were our pioneers that actually believe so strongly in The Church that they’d give their lives and be, and freeze and I’m like going “What? That is just crazy,” and my testimony just continued to grow. So I kept doing this same thing, and I started to go to church and, and it was really odd, because people like, treated me really weird, but I didn't care because I knew the church was true, or, or I wanted it to be exactly how it was. And so I didn't, I mean, I just kept going and, and I was at work and my stake president lives down the street. He comes in and I go, “Hey, I've gotta, I want to talk to you sometime, if you have a chance, maybe?” “Yeah, please, please come in.” I was one year, year later comes back in. “Hey, Stake President, seriously I probably, I need to talk to you if you have some time.” “Oh, yeah.” Well, he comes back the next month. “Hey, Stake …” and he put his arm around my neck and he goes, “You come in this Tuesday, because they're going to release me by the end of this year. So you get in here.” And that's when things started to change. I was able to understand the atonement, and to have this opportunity to express myself and I said, “Well, just so you know,
27:39
Stake President, I'm gay.” And he goes, “So what?” “So what? And what do you mean, so what?” He says, “You know, you can be gay, you can be gay, you can be in the church, you can get a temple recommend, you can have a calling. Are you wearing your garments?” and I said, “No.” Get some garments. Oh, my goodness. I hope I can be gay and I can be in the church. Oh, this,
28:19
this is like an answer to a prayer that I didn't, I just didn't plan on because I wanted, you know, if I was gay, and well, bla bla bla. So the gay part was never even really an issue. It was, “You know what, let's talk about your addictions. Let's get over those. Let's talk about your drinking and your drugs and your sex that you had” and blah, blah, blah. And he says I pretty much got the picture. And so I just kept watching or kept going to him for every week for a while. Sometimes every two weeks. I'm not sure how long. But finally he says, You know what, “It's time for you to have a council. It's time to have an obedience council. And he says, “You're gonna probably be excommunicated. Or you're gonna be disfellowshipped. I don’t know, exactly. But we’ll see.” I say, ah, “I'm all good. I don't care if I'm just disfellowshipped or excommunicated, I'm ready.”
29:22
So go into disobedience council, tell them my story. The love these, these brethren had. How they treated this sinner, how they treated this gay man, was probably the most spiritual experience I've had up to, I mean I've had some big ones.
29:54
These people love me. This is the atonement. This is how it works. The Lord is going to bless me and he's blessed me, and the Lord is continually blessing me, and the Lord is forgiving me. To the stake president, I said, “How can you just forgive someone like me for these things that I've done?” And he says, “Todd, you've got to understand the atonement.” He says, “You've got to start forgiving yourself. You've got to forgive yourself. You've got to understand that you can't do it yourself. These addictions, you have to understand that you can't pray away things. You can't say, ‘Hey, please take this addiction away.’ You've got to work at it. The Lord wants you to do your part. The Lord wants you to put forth effort, strive Todd, trust in the Lord, Todd. That is what the Lord wants you to do. It’s what he wants everyone to do.” He says, “This is what we're here for is to learn and to grow and to continually strive and to move forward.” Says, “So I, today, I'm going to give you a temple recommend, and you're going to be in the addiction recovery program.
ASHLY
Oh my …
TODD
So I started right off in the addiction recovery program. And that was now eight years ago, and I'm still doing it.
31:25
Oh, my gosh, that is, I just got the chills. That is so cool. I, I was a facilitator in the addiction recovery program for a while and it's so amazing.
31:37
Yeah. So it's, it, it was, you know, everything. It's, it is the, you know, the Lord knew that we would be facing these times. The Lord knew that pornography, for these kids, I'm actually up to BYUI now, every Sunday. And it's just crazy. Cool. But you know, just the Atonement. The Atonement is there for every sinner, the Atonement is there for a gay man, the Atonement is there for addictions, the Atonement is there for everyone to come and partake of and to take the Lord's hand and to become part of what he is. And now as a gay man, I just don't have the, you know, this overall, I'm definitely gay. I don't have this overwhelming feeling for the last 10 years of I had to do something, I need someone. Yes, there's a lot to be done still, that we have got to figure out and, and we are figuring it out and people are getting better. But the Atonement is the key. It's, it's the greatest thing that we could ever ever use. And we're, as people in the church are not using it right. And, and letting, giving ourselves a break. And, and knowing that if we fail, we need to repent, to move on and just continue and let the Lord blesses us.
ASHLY
33:11
So tell me, what you I mean, I think that one of the biggest reasons why people struggle with you either staying in the church or coming back to the church is around the LGBT community issues and how, like, I was just barely talking to my brother about this a couple of weeks ago, and he's just like, I just don't understand why, you know, like, how, like, what, like, what's the plan, and it's a very confusing place to be. And so what advice would you have for somebody that is gay, and they're in the church, and maybe they want to leave because they don't feel like there's a place for them? Or, you know, or people that aren't gay, but they still struggle with, you know, the church, and, you know, what, what advice would you have?
TODD
34:06
Well, the same-sex attraction, of course, the church has, has come so far, as it said, tries to figure out what to do. I know, this is what I do know, and maybe this is even should be another podcast, but this is what I know as a gay man. And as a man that had bars for years, and watch people come and go, and my best friends are gay and married, and what their lives are like, and the gay lifestyle is so horrible in the sense of drinking, drugs—“What are you going to do tonight?” “I'm going to go to the bar.” “What are you going to do tonight?” “I'm going to drink tonight.” “What are you going to do to me?” There's nothing but drinking and just from my life, this is, this is what, and I'm like. It doesn't matter if you're a member of the church, or not a member of the church, the gay lifestyle is a lifestyle that is not positive. And if I had it to do, to do over again, I’d get married. I would literally get married because true happiness is family. I met these people, I was set up with these people that were actually very pro-gay. He was a stake president. And he says, you know, “What, what's happening with, why would you stay in the church?” and blah, blah, blah. And I said, “Do you understand what it is to be gay, and to what lives these have? The people that are happiest, being gay are only, in my, in my circle. They have enough money so they can adopt. Or they've been in a marriage where they have children.” And I said, “People that do not have children and don't have family, guess what? They are very sad, sad people and don't have the church now, and he said, “Yeah,” I said, “Do you have anybody that you know, that's happy that's not got kids?” And he goes, “No, I don't.” I said, “This is what, this that the gay lifestyle.” We have been given something that is a challenge that we've got to work through. And who knows what that means, exactly? Except what it means is the Savior is there whether, no matter what you do, you don't fall away because of what you're falling away from—there's not something better. God is there still to save and love you, and be there for you. Everyone's gonna go on their own path. But but my path if I had it to do over, which is a whole nother book and whole nother thing is literally, you know, I would, I would definitely try and have a family. And the difference between now and then is now we can be gay. I can be gay and go, “You know what, I'm gay. Will you marry me?” And she'll go, “Yeah, oh, absolutely,” comparative to, “I'm not gay” (but I'm am gay, and now I'm going to cheat on you). You know, that, we used to be what it is. And I had a kid working for me, and I said, “You know what, I'm gonna tell you something. I'm gay. And I know that you are, and so I'm gonna give you some advice. This is what I would do, I would actually find somebody, you know, most most guys, their best friends are girls. There's a girl out there that would love to marry you. And sure enough, this past year, he got married and has a child and is gay. And it is the most wonderful, wonderful thing that I've, that I've watched. And so it's it's so tough. You know, the biggest thing is, is the gospel—living the gospel, doing what's right. Treating people right. Quit judging. This brings happiness. Helping people. You know, that's the bottom line to happiness, all this other stuff is not happy. Happiness is actually giving back and helping. And that's why I'm so blessed to be in the addiction recovery program. And so I'm blessed. I'm actually blessed to be gay. So I can actually say the things that I'm saying now because of knowledge because of knowing. And maybe sometimes somebody will listen to me. Go, “You know what, he's right. This life does suck, I really do need to find somebody to marry.” So that's probably, a lot of people go, “Oh, who is that dude?” What you know, but I'm not talking to those dudes. I'm talking to those dudes that want to stay in the church.
ASHLY
38:51
Mmhmm. Yeah, I think that there's, I mean, everybody online has an opinion. And I'm sure that when we post this video on YouTube, there's gonna be a lot of people that have a lot of opinions. And but the thing that's really cool about this is that you are speaking from your own experience. And when somebody sharing their own personal experience, it's like, this is your experience, how can you argue that experience and you can't, you can't argue somebody's personal experience that they've had in their life. And so I think this message is so important, and people they really, truly need to hear it. And I don't know I just I'm, thank you so much for being willing to share your story. It is so powerful and amazing. And I just think about, you know, all those experiences you had where you tried to end your life and it didn't work and all the lives that you're helping now and how incredible is that? You survived and you're here and you're telling your story and it's so amazing. And what a gift. And I, I just think, you know, I was telling my, my mom this that, you know, because I was a heroin addict for a long time. And I think, you know, that was the that was a really dark, awful time. But now it's a gift, that experience is a gift, because now I can share it with other people and give them hope. And it's the same with your experiences. It's like you've been through all this stuff. And, you know, and God will work all things to the good of those who love Him. And that is what he's done in your life. And I I just your story is so incredible. And I hope that everybody who needs to hear it will hear it.
TODD
40:50
Oh, I hope so. I just thank you. Thank you. Thank you so much. Because you know what, you're a game changer for all of us. To give us a place to actually talk and and and just thank you for for your kindness. Just thank you.
ASHLY
41:06
Yeah. Well, thank you so much. Any final thoughts before we for the wrap up?
TODD
41:12
You know, as I, as I go to my addiction recovery meetings, it's basically the same, same, same. Just keep striving. Keep trying. Don't quit. The Lord is waiting to bless you. The Lord is waiting for you to put your hand out so he can grab it and help you. And once we figure that out, then we can start trusting in the Lord and understand that he's always there for us, always through all this bad. He can't wait to bless us but we have to ask.
ASHLY
Mmhmm. Yeah. I love that. Thank you so much.
TODD
All right. Thank you so much.
