S1:E57 - Trevor came back after years of struggling for a direction in life

"They sang this song called 'Jesus Comes to Fight For Me' and when I heard that song it was the first time I had felt the spirit in ten years. It was very emotional for me. I had not felt the spirit for a really long time and had been through many trials and tribulations. I was lost and to feel that again was rewarding and it meant there was something out there, that being sober was going to be ok, and that eventually everything would be ok."

Transcription

ASHLY

00:14

I am so excited to have you on the podcast. I'd love to start off by just hearing a little bit about you and you know, maybe where you're from?

TREVOR

Okay.

ASHLY

Your family, pets, so we have some context of you before we jump in.

TREVOR

00:32

So my name is Trevor Taylor. I live here in Utah. I moved around a lot, but I did high school in the East Coast, in Connecticut. I feel like where you do high school is probably where most people consider home. That's where you make a lot of your friends and a lot of your coming to adulthood experiences start.

ASHLY

Yeah.

TREVOR

But then I left home when I was 18. I joined the military. From there, I got stationed in Texas, I did a 13 month deployment to Iraq. Then I came home and I stayed in Texas for a number of years. And then I ping ponged kind of all over the country. I lived in California and Washington and Oregon and Arizona. My family relocated to Utah five or six years ago. And I just wanted to be closer to them. So I moved to Utah, and it just kind of stuck. Yeah, I like it here.

ASHLY

01:25

Are you married? Do you have any kids?

TREVOR

01:29

Oh, yeah. When I moved to Utah, it was because I was trying to get sober. So I was in hair school. I'm a licensed cosmetologist. I was not going to graduate because my drinking and addictions had just taken too deep of a root. And I could not break them. And so I called my folks here in Utah, and I was like, “Hey, I need to graduate school. So I want to transfer there and try and get sober and graduate, and see this thing through.” My parents being you know, wonderful parents were like, “Yeah, we have a loft above our garage. There's nothing in it. It's just framed, but if you want to stay there, you can.” And I was like, “Honestly, if I don't do that, then I don't know what I'm gonna be doing.” So I came here. I did that. I did a couple of side jobs and saved up some money and I bought a little camper trailer. And I went door to door. I just knocked on lots of local farms and ranches and asked anybody if they're interested in doing work for trade. And eventually, I found this lady who owned an equestrian center with like, 80 horses. There was this lock on top of the whole property that had this beautiful view of all of Utah Valley. She let me run water to it and run electric and I put my trailer up there. After work, I would fix stalls and do property maintenance. And every Friday night to stay out of trouble, I would rake the arena. I did that, and focused on school and getting sober. And while I was doing that, there was this one horse that kept breaking his stall, at least once a week. I was fixing it all the time. And while I was fixing it, the owner of the horse was actually my wife. And so we started talking a lot. And because I kept having to fix her horse’s stall. So we started talking and during that time I had started going back to church, I went to a nondenominational Christian church.

ASHLY

03:22

Were you raised in the church? Like tell us about that.

TREVOR

03:27

Yeah, totally. So I was raised in the church, my parents are strong LDS members, they are loving and caring. And you know, we did the father and sons camp outs, I went to young men's camp, all of the above. The only thing I don't think I ever did was EFY. I don't even know if that's still a thing anymore. But EFY was really popular when I was young, because we didn't have social media yet. So it was a way for all of the youth to kind of get involved. But yeah, I was raised in the church. I was baptized. When I was 18, right before I joined the military, that's when I had kind of started pushing boundaries in high school. I was dating this girl pretty seriously. And when we broke up, I just kind of fell away from the church. And that's when the military became a better option. That's kind of when the path of destruction happened for me. I just started making poorer and poorer choices, especially being in the military, drinking is pretty ingrained in military members, and smoking and all kinds of things. So I just start falling away slowly. I think it's very rare that one day someone just decides, “I'm not going to be LDS’” and then decides to go full force breaking every single rule. I think it's slow, step by step. Like, “Oh, I kind of want to push the boundary here.” Or maybe they're not even searching to push boundaries. They just don't know what they don't want. So they kind of like step, step, step, step, and then before you know it, you're like, “How did I get here?” I was raised LDS, very strong. Most of my siblings are inactive, some are active. But yeah, we were raised in the church, went to church every Sunday. I went to seminary before school, because on the East Coast, that's what you had to do. It wasn't part of the curriculum. Yeah, that was good. I have one brother who went on a mission. He's an RM. He's not really active right now. But it was a long, slow, drawn out process to fall as far as I did. Jump forward to when this nondenominational church thing started happening. I was several months into my sobriety. And I was just lost. I had been such a heavy drinker and had fallen so far that I didn't know … It's really hard to explain to people when you don't have the Spirit what it's like to find it again.

ASHLY

Yeah.

TREVOR

I mean, how do you explain to someone what warm feels like if all they ever have known is cold? You know, it's very difficult to do. I started just looking again. I went to a nondenominational church and they sang this song called, I think it's called “Jesus Comes to Fight for Me.” It's kind of like a Christian rock song. I heard that song, and it was the first time that I had felt the Spirit in like 10 years, and it was very emotional for me. Wasn't in an LDS church. I had not felt the Spirit in a long time. I had been through a lot of trials and tribulations and I just was lost. And so to feel that again was rewarding. And it meant that there was something out there and that being sober was okay. There would eventually be things like would be okay, so that was kind of where it started for me.

ASHLY

06:33

Yeah. Okay. So at the point where you were at the nondenominational church, this is when you were living on the horse property, right?

TREVOR

06:41

Yep. Yep.

ASHLY

06:43

So how did cosmetology school come in? So you're in the military, and you're drinking a whole bunch. And then did you leave? What was your leaving the military like?

TREVOR

06:54

I ETS’ed [Expiration Term of Service] out of the military regularly. I got into residential remodels after that. So I started doing remodel work. And like I said, I ping ponged all over the place doing that. It paid pretty good. But I could never really break the boundary of success, because my drinking always got in the way. You know, I don't think people really understand how much the partying gets in the way. Even if it's just a few beers at night, or just on the weekends–those hours, that's when people pull ahead. If you want to live a regular life, then do the regular things. And then you'll get that, but I can never quite make the boundary because every time I did or got close, I would just get reigned back in. So I ping ponged around doing remodel work. And I landed in Phoenix. And my drinking got really bad in Phoenix because it was miserable. I don't like the heat. So I was inside all the time. I didn't know anybody, it was not a great place for me. And I hadn't used my GI bill yet. And I met this guy. I did a remodel for this guy, and he had a really nice house. And I was like, “What do you do?” And he was like, “I'm a hairstylist.” I had not heard of, I didn't know that there was a male hairstylist before. That's news to me. I just thought that guys were barbers. He did really well for himself. And he's like, “Yeah, you should check it out, man. I make a lot of money.” And I get to work in AC [air conditioning] all day. It's better than working out in the hot sun like you. So I used my GI Bill and I went to hair school.

ASHLY

What’s the GI Bill?

TREVOR

So when you serve in the military, if you serve a full four-year contract, they'll pay for your tuition. And then they'll also give you a monthly housing allowance while you're in school.

ASHLY

Oh, cool!

TREVOR

Yeah. So I used that, basically it was free school. And that's why when the drinking got really bad, and it looked like I wasn't going to graduate because I just kept missing days, that's when I was like, “Okay, I spent four years earning this and I'm gonna waste it if I don’t get my stuff together and go graduate.” Then I moved to Utah, and to finish cosmetology school, I was still doing remodel work at that time, on the side to subsidize money. And I met, on my 90th day of sobriety– Oh, man, it gets emotional to think about because looking back I can see divine intervention. I don't know if you've ever felt that way. But it's a good feeling.

ASHLY

Oh yeah.

TREVOR

Yeah, it's so inspiring. You can look back, if you have a mindset. I keep thinking like, “That was planned. It had to have been planned.”

ASHLY

Yep.

TREVOR

09:18

Yeah, so that ranch that I was living on, someone had left this broken down motorcycle out front of it. And it had been sitting there for like two weeks, and I'm a motorcycle guy. So after the two weeks, I pushed it onto the property, and it sat there in the back of the barn for like two months. And finally, there's my 90th day of sobriety. And previous to this, I had failed on my 90th day. And so I was like, “Okay, I'm gonna stay out of trouble today. And I'm just going to work on this motorcycle. And that's how I'm going to ride through the next line of sobriety.” And I was still just going to the nondenominational church at this point. And I hadn't met my wife yet, her horse was not boarding there yet. And so I called the police and I was like, “Hey, I found this motorcycle. I don't know what to do with it. I'd like to work on it. Can you guys come take a look and tell me what I can do about it?” So they came out to the barn. They looked at it and then they arrested me for being in possession of stolen property.

ASHLY

WHAT?!

TREVOR

Yeah, yeah. And so I had bought a truck from a guy that didn’t live, but he boarded at that ranch. And while I was getting into the police car, that guy was like, “Hey, can I borrow your truck while you're going to figure this out?” And I was like, “Sure.” So I gave him the truck keys. I went down to the jailhouse, called my dad. Okay. My dad has bailed me out of jail multiple times at this point. So I call my dad and then I was like, “Hey, I'm in jail.” And he was like, “Nope.” And I was like, “I promise. It's not like the other times, I didn't do anything wrong. I'm still sober. It was a complete fluke.” By the good graces of God, my dad came and bailed me out. He said he felt urged to do it. So he came and bailed me out. And on the drive home, he said, “I want you to go see my bishop.” And I was like, “Alright. I'm going to church. You know, I don't know why it's so important to you. But alright, I guess I'll go talk to your bishop. Because it means a lot to you. And you're my dad, and I love you. And you bailed me out of jail. And I want to, I will do that for you.” Got back to my trailer that night. The guy that borrowed my truck that I had just bought off of, for seven grand, it was like all the money I had, I had borrowed it. And he took off with my truck. Gone, disappeared. I just got bailed out of jail. I'm 90 days sober. My truck is gone. And I was just in shock at this point. And in that moment, it was like a make or break moment. It was like, “Are you going to go back to drinking? And just like, ‘Let's forget about it,’ have a couple of beers tonight? Or are you going to push through and do the right thing?” And in that moment, I chose to follow through and do what my dad asked and go talk to his bishop. And that bishop meeting changed my entire life.

ASHLY

Wow.

TREVOR

It changed me. Yeah, I met a guy. His name is Spencer Townsend. And we argued in his office for three months straight every Sunday. Every Sunday after church, we'd go out there and hammer. It wasn't even arguing, it was just debating. “Well, what about this? What about this?” And we would just conversate. A lot of times, it wasn't even debating, there's a lot of spiritual things that I really just enjoyed talking to him about. And during that time, that's when Erica started boarding her horse there. I had built this rapport with this bishop and I had done some remodel work for him, he owns a very successful gutter company. And I've done some remodel work for him. And I've always worked hard and been responsible with my time. And I had just graduated hair school, 1600 hours of my time. And right at that moment, all of these things came together. And he was like, “Hey, I've been thinking about starting a tree company. I don't want to run the whole thing. Would you be interested in helping me build this?” And I was like, “Let me think about it, because I just spent 1600 hours training to do hair, which is over a year of work.” I just felt prompted to pursue it with him. I trusted this guy. I had been to church debates with him and I was getting ready to receive– I had finally gotten to the point where I had accepted the church again. And I was ready to get my Melchizedek priesthood back and I had just met this girl, and everything was going my way. From there, we started the tree company. A few months later, I got my priesthood back. My wife wasn't even my girlfriend at this point, came to see me get my priesthood back. And that bishop was like, “I don't know about you two. But something's going on here. And I think it's gonna work out.” Ha ha! He put her on the spot in front of everybody. It was very terrifying. Yeah, here we are four years later, you know, three or four years later, I went from living in a trailer, we bought our first house, we lived in a loft that we built next door to the house, we now own the main house. We live in the main house and rent out the loft. That bishop and me spent a lot of Sundays working. He called me into priest quorum with him, spent a lot of time teaching these 16 year old priests how to be great young men. And we built this tree company to be big and successful. We have about eight employees. And it got to the point where he thought I was capable of handling it and I bought him out and everything is just good.

ASHLY

14:31

Wow. That’s so cool. I love that, so much.

TREVOR

14:35

Yeah. I feel really blessed when I look at my life. I mean, yeah, to know that like four years ago, I was sleeping– I didn't even have a car, to being here and having my wife and a house, and being able to pay it forward to these. I have a bunch of employees who are on their sober journey and being able to help them and, man it's just, I couldn't, there is no other explanation than a higher power. And I try to explain that to people and some people agree with it, and some people don't, but to me, it is undescribable proof that a higher power exists because I don't think I'm special. I think I just put my faith into someone who made me special.

ASHLY

15:15

Yeah totally. So did you ever find your truck? Did the guy ever, did you ever find him?

TREVOR

15:19

Yes, I took him to small claims court and I won. But they said,” The only way to get your money is to find somebody to garnish their wages.” And I was like, “I don't know how to do that. So I guess that's that.”

ASHLY

Wow.

TREVOR

But you know what? That seemed so detrimental to me at that time. It was like, “I lost this truck that I had just bought. It was the nicest thing that I owned,” all these things. I had a work truck stolen two weeks ago, and it didn't even faze me. I mean, it was like, “Oh, that sucks.” And the foreman that drives that I felt really bad for. We got it back four days later. But in that moment, I was like, “How blessed am I, that this is not detrimental to my company, life or anything?” And I can attest, it was way nicer than the other truck that I had. And it's not like the end of the road for me.

ASHLY

16:07

Yeah, 100%. I love that. So you mentioned that you started off going to the nondenominational church, and then you mentioned that you were in the bishop's office debating a lot, and having these conversations. What were the things that were holding you back from just coming back to the LDS church? Like what was it? What was the reason that you went to the nondenominational and not the LDS church in the beginning?

TREVOR

16:34

I think the LDS church, because I grew up there, I knew the standards, and the standards are high. The standards aren't like, you know, at nondenominational church, you can still be having some beers, drinking some coffee, you know, find a girlfriend and move in together and like, you just have your faith and it's good. And I was like, “Man, I want to eat my cake and have it too.” I mean, honestly, that's the truth. I wanted to not have to do all the hard things. And that's great. Honestly, any relationship with God is better than no relationship.

ASHLY

Yeah.

TREVOR

You know what you need to do? I tell people that are trying to get back into their faith, “Start where you feel comfortable. Go, just go start asking questions. If you don't like that church, go to a different church, until you start, you know, just start on the path, and it will get you where you want to go.” So I just wanted to eat my cake and have it too. For me, you know, what I've come to learn about myself through four years of sobriety is that I'm a very black and white human. I'm an all or nothing kind of guy.

ASHLY

17:36

I am too. I totally get that.

TREVOR

17:28

You too? Yeah, sometimes it's great. Other times it is not the best. But I kind of knew that going back to LDS church, you know, everyone is so warm and welcoming. And sometimes, honestly, it can be a little overwhelming for people, I think. To have all these people coming up to you, and just, “Hey, how are you? Do you want to come to the activity on Wednesday?” And these other churches, you go in, I would get my little cookies out of the cookie jar, sit there and watch them and try and feel the Spirit. And then I would leave, and I wouldn’t to talk to anybody. And it was kind of like dipping your toes in the water a little bit. I knew that I was missing something once I felt the Spirit. Then I knew that I had fallen pretty far from what I knew I could and should be.

ASHLY

Mmhmm.

TREVOR

So that's kind of why after I started talking to that bishop, you know that those are the questions that I would ask him, and I would sit in sacrament meeting. And I'd be looking at all these people. And they would some of them, not all of them. But some people would be on their phones, you know, during the talks, or are just not paying attention or sleeping. And I'd tell him, “This is so frustrating. I'm not even a member of this church. And these people are out here, just looking at their phones and doing all these things. They don’t even have enough respect for the speaker to not be doing that.” And he was like, “Why are you so worried about what they're doing?” And I was like, “Why you gotta do me like that?” It's like, “You're right. I don't know why I'm so worried about why they’re doing that. I don't know why.” But that was the realization change moment for me, that I was just making excuses. You know, that was just another excuse of why I didn't want to be active. “Well, look at all these other people.” “Well, are you here for them? Or are you here for you?”

ASHLY

19:14

Mmhmm. Yeah. What advice would you have for somebody that doesn't feel like they want to commit to all the high standards that the church has? And what advice would you have for them if they're like, “Ehhh, I'm good. I'm good over here, doing what I’m doing.” What would you say?

TREVOR

19:33

Well, I honestly struggle with that a little bit. Because like I said, I mean, you and me are black and white kind of people right? I'm an all in or all out kind of human. And so sometimes I still struggle with that one. If I'm being honest, in my personal journey. I have a hard time looking at people who tell me they're LDS but then drink on the weekends and get tattoos and do all the things that I used to do when I was an inactive member, but then tell me they're active, you know? Or, I've seen people post beautiful pictures of them baptizing their child but I know that they're consuming alcohol on the weekends or out partying with their friends or out using. People make mistakes, I get that. We are imperfect, and striving towards perfection, and we're going to fall short every time. So I would say that if you are, if you are struggling with the weight of the responsibilities that are bestowed upon us, I think that you just need to make a decision to do the very best that you can. And there are simple slips, you know, I would rate using foul language way lower than premeditating a slumber party with someone that you should not be slumber partying with, you know. So I think, do your very best, but also be honest with yourself. If you really want to be this person, then this person. Don't say you're this and then be that. You're true to yourself and who you want to be. You know?

ASHLY

21:03

Tell me about your experience with how you feel inside, like being full 100% in, in comparison to being like … Tell me about that. ‘Cause I was there, you know. I was a heroin addict. And I was like, way far off the deep end. And I know how it feels to be 100% in, and black and white thinking. Tell me your experience with how you feel being 100% in versus feeling not 100% in.

TREVOR

21:37

How do I feel about being all in? It’s a heavy burden. My friends look at me differently. I have lost relationships because of it. Not in like, I feel like a lot of people sometimes are looking for sympathy or you know, it's like a victim mentality where they're like, “Oh, yeah, I've lost so many friends because I chose my faith again.” It's not like, most people are not all, “Because you're LDS I don't want to talk to you anymore.” It just is a natural occurrence because you no longer have things in common.

ASHLY

Right.

TREVOR

I think some people use it as a sympathy plea. But it's not really a sympathy plea. People didn't stop hanging out with me because they disrespected my faith or my choices, we just stopped hanging out because we didn't have anything to do anymore. We were not partying,

ASHLY

Totally. Yeah.

TREVOR

there was no drugs, or drinking. So it's like, I stopped getting calls, you know? And to me being all in, it’'s like, that's what I need in order to do– I can't look at myself in the mirror, knowing that I didn't give 100% in everything that I do. I go on my runs every morning, I go to the gym, I go to work, I run the company, and I feel really ashamed. Not ashamed, but I feel really let down with myself when I know that I was lazy or didn't do a good enough job. And so that's how I feel with the gospel too. I teach Young Men's, and if we're falling behind, and I'm not doing good lessons, I feel bad about that. Because that's my calling, I was asked to do that. And those guys are going to be the ones changing the next generation, and the next generation. So I take it very seriously. And I know when people are looking at me, especially employees or friends, I don't like being a bad example. I don't like being you know, “Oh, yeah, Trevor is LDS, but, ya know he’ll still come on party, it's fine.” I don't live to that standard anymore. And that's great, because now everyone– I have trust that I didn't ever used to have. People know that I'm going to do the things that I say I'm going to do. And that's something that I really value.

ASHLY